What If I Can't Forget You?
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce the selfish machine.
In the morning I didn't regret having sex with Mike. Even though I had my boyfriend, I felt like he wasn't enough for me. And Mike was. But as I laid in the bed next to him, my head on his chest and his hands around me, I felt bad for cheating on Sam. He didn't deserve it.
”Are you awake?” I heard Mike's soft voice.
”Yeah,” I said quietly. I felt him kiss my head. I knew I had decisions to make. Did I want to be with Mike? Was he really better than Sam?
”What are you thinking 'bout?” He asked.
”I don't know... What's going to happen now?”
”Well... It depends if you want to keep seeing me.”
”Of course I do,” I said and lifted my head up to look at him.
”Well then I guess you're gonna have to leave Sam,” He said quietly. I nodded and sighed.
”Do you... Regret what we did?” He asked after a minute. I looked at him for a while.
”No,” I said. His face lit up and he leaned closer to kiss me. We kissed for a while until he pulled away but kept his hand on the back of my head.
”We should propably get up,” He said.
As we went downstairs into the kitchen, he held my hand. But as we reached the kitchen where Vic was, he let go. I was slightly disappointed. We sat down, I next to Vic and Mike on the other side of the table.
”Good morning,” I said to Vic as Mike handed me a cup and a bottle of juice.
”Morning,” He replied as he kept reading some magazine.
”What are you up to today?” Mike asked from his brother. Vic lifted his head up to look at him.
”I don't know. I have to go buy a new guitar with Tony,” He told him and yawned.
”You tired?” I asked.
”Yeah, couldn't really sleep that well. It's a shame my room is next to Mike's. I was forced to hear your loud moans,” Vic said as he stood up and walked out of the room. I felt the heat on my cheeks as I looked down. I was rather embarrassed. Mike was only laughing and I shot him a glare.
”That was... Awkward,” I muttered and took a sip of my orange juice.
”Aww come on,” He said with a laugh. He was actually enjoying how embarrassed I was. ”It's absolutely normal to have sex.”
”Yeah but... He must think I'm such a slut. I have a boyfriend and all,” I muttered and kept my head down.
”Vic knows you. He knows you're not a slut,” Mike assured me.
”Oh my god, I have to leave. I can never come back,” I said quietly as I stood up. I couldn't even imagine how I had sounded. I must've been really loud. Well of course I was, since Mike was so damn good. Now I could say I had had the most amazing sex in years. Mike stood up too and grabbed my hand.
”Don't worry 'bout him, babe,” He said to me.
”I'm so embarrassed,” I whispered. He smiled and cupped my cheek with his hand before kissing me. For a while I didn't even think about the whole thing, but when he pulled away reality came back. Not only was I embarrassed, I was also afraid of what was going to happen. When I went home, I would have to break up with Sam. And it wasn't going to be easy.
When I got home, I found Sam and his friend Fred in the kitchen.
”Hey,” I muttered and placed my bag down.
”Oh so you came home after all? Did you have fun with him?” Sam asked me, before turning to Fred, ”She's been seeing her ex.”
”That Mike? Fuentes, was it?” Fred asked and Sam nodded.
”Sam? Could we talk about something?” I asked.
”Not now.” He said and I turned around. Okay. Maybe I would go pack my stuff first. I walked up the stairs into our bedroom and took my suitcases out of the closet. I decided I should lock the door, so I did so and started packing. About half an hour later I was done, and I carried my bags downstairs into the hallway where I took them out and into my car. When I got back inside Sam and Fred were standing in the hallway.
”What's going on?” Sam asked, ”Why'd you take all your stuff out?”
”Because,” I started, ”I don't want to be with you anymore. It's not your fault, it's mine.” Sam's eyes widened – this happened to be the first time someone ever left him.
”You're fucking that Mike, aren't you?” He shouted.
”No, this has nothing to do with Mike,” I said. But why was I lying? He would find out the truth somehow.
”Don't lie to me.”
”Fine. I fucked Mike. Does that make you any happier?” I asked. He looked so angry that I was sure he was going to start breaking things. I was glad Fred was there. He would take care of him.
”Just fuck off,” Sam told me and pointed at the door.
”I'm sorry, Sam, I really am,” I told him.
”Fuck. Off. Now.” I turned around and walked out, closing the door behind me.
As I was driving to Mike's, I realized how stupid I was. I didn't even know for sure if it was okay that I'd go there. Mike hadn't said anything like that. What if he didn't even want me there? Where was I going to go? I couldn't help but to let out a cry as I thought of myself alone. What if Mike didn't want me?
”Are you awake?” I heard Mike's soft voice.
”Yeah,” I said quietly. I felt him kiss my head. I knew I had decisions to make. Did I want to be with Mike? Was he really better than Sam?
”What are you thinking 'bout?” He asked.
”I don't know... What's going to happen now?”
”Well... It depends if you want to keep seeing me.”
”Of course I do,” I said and lifted my head up to look at him.
”Well then I guess you're gonna have to leave Sam,” He said quietly. I nodded and sighed.
”Do you... Regret what we did?” He asked after a minute. I looked at him for a while.
”No,” I said. His face lit up and he leaned closer to kiss me. We kissed for a while until he pulled away but kept his hand on the back of my head.
”We should propably get up,” He said.
As we went downstairs into the kitchen, he held my hand. But as we reached the kitchen where Vic was, he let go. I was slightly disappointed. We sat down, I next to Vic and Mike on the other side of the table.
”Good morning,” I said to Vic as Mike handed me a cup and a bottle of juice.
”Morning,” He replied as he kept reading some magazine.
”What are you up to today?” Mike asked from his brother. Vic lifted his head up to look at him.
”I don't know. I have to go buy a new guitar with Tony,” He told him and yawned.
”You tired?” I asked.
”Yeah, couldn't really sleep that well. It's a shame my room is next to Mike's. I was forced to hear your loud moans,” Vic said as he stood up and walked out of the room. I felt the heat on my cheeks as I looked down. I was rather embarrassed. Mike was only laughing and I shot him a glare.
”That was... Awkward,” I muttered and took a sip of my orange juice.
”Aww come on,” He said with a laugh. He was actually enjoying how embarrassed I was. ”It's absolutely normal to have sex.”
”Yeah but... He must think I'm such a slut. I have a boyfriend and all,” I muttered and kept my head down.
”Vic knows you. He knows you're not a slut,” Mike assured me.
”Oh my god, I have to leave. I can never come back,” I said quietly as I stood up. I couldn't even imagine how I had sounded. I must've been really loud. Well of course I was, since Mike was so damn good. Now I could say I had had the most amazing sex in years. Mike stood up too and grabbed my hand.
”Don't worry 'bout him, babe,” He said to me.
”I'm so embarrassed,” I whispered. He smiled and cupped my cheek with his hand before kissing me. For a while I didn't even think about the whole thing, but when he pulled away reality came back. Not only was I embarrassed, I was also afraid of what was going to happen. When I went home, I would have to break up with Sam. And it wasn't going to be easy.
When I got home, I found Sam and his friend Fred in the kitchen.
”Hey,” I muttered and placed my bag down.
”Oh so you came home after all? Did you have fun with him?” Sam asked me, before turning to Fred, ”She's been seeing her ex.”
”That Mike? Fuentes, was it?” Fred asked and Sam nodded.
”Sam? Could we talk about something?” I asked.
”Not now.” He said and I turned around. Okay. Maybe I would go pack my stuff first. I walked up the stairs into our bedroom and took my suitcases out of the closet. I decided I should lock the door, so I did so and started packing. About half an hour later I was done, and I carried my bags downstairs into the hallway where I took them out and into my car. When I got back inside Sam and Fred were standing in the hallway.
”What's going on?” Sam asked, ”Why'd you take all your stuff out?”
”Because,” I started, ”I don't want to be with you anymore. It's not your fault, it's mine.” Sam's eyes widened – this happened to be the first time someone ever left him.
”You're fucking that Mike, aren't you?” He shouted.
”No, this has nothing to do with Mike,” I said. But why was I lying? He would find out the truth somehow.
”Don't lie to me.”
”Fine. I fucked Mike. Does that make you any happier?” I asked. He looked so angry that I was sure he was going to start breaking things. I was glad Fred was there. He would take care of him.
”Just fuck off,” Sam told me and pointed at the door.
”I'm sorry, Sam, I really am,” I told him.
”Fuck. Off. Now.” I turned around and walked out, closing the door behind me.
As I was driving to Mike's, I realized how stupid I was. I didn't even know for sure if it was okay that I'd go there. Mike hadn't said anything like that. What if he didn't even want me there? Where was I going to go? I couldn't help but to let out a cry as I thought of myself alone. What if Mike didn't want me?