What If I Can't Forget You?
I don't know how you got into me, down my throat and made a home in my veins.
When I pulled up at Mike's driveway I saw him outside their house, on the front porch having a smoke. I got out of the car and quickly wiped my eyes before walking to him.
”What's up?” He asked as I sat down next to him.
”I, uh... I... Left Sam.” I muttered. He was silent for a while and then took my hand.
”How did he take it?” He asked.
”He... Told me to fuck off,” I said quietly. I didn't know why I was being so sad. Wasn't that exactly what I wanted? To be with Mike?
”Oh.”
”Yeah... And I don't have a place where to stay... I kind of just left. All my stuff is in the car,” I explained.
”You can stay here. There's only one problem...” He muttered. I looked up at him just to see he was staring at the ground. ”We, uh, we're going on tour again.”
”What? When?”
”Next month, I guess. And we'll be gone for, like... 7 months.” He said quietly. Now, this was serious. Last time when he had left for months, we kind of forgot each other. What would happen this time?
”Oh...”
”I would've told you earlier but...” He started and shook his head. ”I don't know.”
”It's just... Everything was going so well,” I mumbled. I think we both knew that when he left for tour, our relationship would end.
”And I understand if you don't want to be with me, and I certainly don't wanna use you,” He said.
”I... Love you, Mike. I don't want you to leave me once again,” I said, but it was barely more than a whisper.
”It's my job, Sophie,” He said and looked down at me. His eyes were sad and I hated it.
”I know but... Last time you left, you don't know how hurt I was. You don't know what it did to me,” I said and let out a cry. He pulled me closer to his side and kissed my forehead.
”You never told me this, you only told me how you met Sam and everything was alright,” He mumbled.
”I didn't want you to feel bad, you know, your life was going so great,” I sobbed and he rubbed my back.
”You could've called me. You could've sent email, or texted me,” He said.
”I know, I know. I guess... I didn't want you to know that I was a wreck,” I mumbled.
”Why not? You knew I loved you,” He told me.
We talked for a long time until I needed something to drink, since I had been crying so much. We got up and went to the kitchen, where Vic and Tony were playing their guitars. They lifted their heads up as we walked into the room, and I looked down, trying to hide my red eyes. Mike kept his arm around me, as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
”What's going on?” Vic finally asked as we were about to head out of the room.
”Nothing,” Mike said as he walked me into the livingroom. We sat down and I rested my head on his shoulder. I guess I needed him to comfort me and hold me. And I needed him in many other ways too, that I knew. We sat there, in silence, for a long time. The whole house was quiet except for the sound of two guitars coming from the kitchen. I liked it. Vic and Tony knew how to play well.
Eventually Mike broke the silence.
”So... What's going to happen now?” He asked quietly. My eyes shot open. I had been about to fall asleep.
”I don't want you to leave me,” I whispered and sniffled.
”And when I leave, I don't want to hurt you,” He said. So we had a problem, and I honestly had no idea how to solve it. He was going to leave anyway, and as much as it hurt, the band was the most important thing is life now. And when he left, I would be miserable.
”What's up?” He asked as I sat down next to him.
”I, uh... I... Left Sam.” I muttered. He was silent for a while and then took my hand.
”How did he take it?” He asked.
”He... Told me to fuck off,” I said quietly. I didn't know why I was being so sad. Wasn't that exactly what I wanted? To be with Mike?
”Oh.”
”Yeah... And I don't have a place where to stay... I kind of just left. All my stuff is in the car,” I explained.
”You can stay here. There's only one problem...” He muttered. I looked up at him just to see he was staring at the ground. ”We, uh, we're going on tour again.”
”What? When?”
”Next month, I guess. And we'll be gone for, like... 7 months.” He said quietly. Now, this was serious. Last time when he had left for months, we kind of forgot each other. What would happen this time?
”Oh...”
”I would've told you earlier but...” He started and shook his head. ”I don't know.”
”It's just... Everything was going so well,” I mumbled. I think we both knew that when he left for tour, our relationship would end.
”And I understand if you don't want to be with me, and I certainly don't wanna use you,” He said.
”I... Love you, Mike. I don't want you to leave me once again,” I said, but it was barely more than a whisper.
”It's my job, Sophie,” He said and looked down at me. His eyes were sad and I hated it.
”I know but... Last time you left, you don't know how hurt I was. You don't know what it did to me,” I said and let out a cry. He pulled me closer to his side and kissed my forehead.
”You never told me this, you only told me how you met Sam and everything was alright,” He mumbled.
”I didn't want you to feel bad, you know, your life was going so great,” I sobbed and he rubbed my back.
”You could've called me. You could've sent email, or texted me,” He said.
”I know, I know. I guess... I didn't want you to know that I was a wreck,” I mumbled.
”Why not? You knew I loved you,” He told me.
We talked for a long time until I needed something to drink, since I had been crying so much. We got up and went to the kitchen, where Vic and Tony were playing their guitars. They lifted their heads up as we walked into the room, and I looked down, trying to hide my red eyes. Mike kept his arm around me, as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
”What's going on?” Vic finally asked as we were about to head out of the room.
”Nothing,” Mike said as he walked me into the livingroom. We sat down and I rested my head on his shoulder. I guess I needed him to comfort me and hold me. And I needed him in many other ways too, that I knew. We sat there, in silence, for a long time. The whole house was quiet except for the sound of two guitars coming from the kitchen. I liked it. Vic and Tony knew how to play well.
Eventually Mike broke the silence.
”So... What's going to happen now?” He asked quietly. My eyes shot open. I had been about to fall asleep.
”I don't want you to leave me,” I whispered and sniffled.
”And when I leave, I don't want to hurt you,” He said. So we had a problem, and I honestly had no idea how to solve it. He was going to leave anyway, and as much as it hurt, the band was the most important thing is life now. And when he left, I would be miserable.