There's a Fire Inside This Beating Heart.

Tonight was Craig and I's 6 year anniversary. 6 whole years.....wow. I'm surprised we've made it this long. We've had a lot of ups, and a lot of downs. It seems though, throughout these years, we've had more downs. A lot of fights, a lot of drama, a lot of suspicions, and far too many screaming matches to count. Not forgetting to mention, way too many tears.

About 4 years ago, I had discovered he was being unfaithful. The girl, who's name is Gabrielle, had called his phone while he was away, and I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Uh.....w-who's this...?"

"Amber.....who are you calling?"

"Um, Craig...is he there?"

"Who's this?"

"Gabby.....oh my god, please don't tell me you're his girlfriend."

"What happened?"

"I.......oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't know he had a girlfriend....we had......shit. About a month ago, we had a one-night thing, and......I just found out I'm pregnant."

With those last 6 words she spoke, it felt as if my whole world came crashing down. My heart felt like someone had shoved their hand through my chest, pulled my heart out slowly and painfully, then, as soon as they got it out, stomped on it, took a knife, cut it up into little tiny pieces, then threw gasoline all over it and set it ablaze.

Yeah. You could say I was heartbroken.

We never really.....broke up. We separated for not even a week, and he assured me that it was only a one-time thing, and that I was the only one he wanted. But he also told me that he was keeping his child with Gabby. And he promised me we'd make it all work out. That everything would be perfect in the end.

Ha. Perfect is the absolute last word I would use to describe our relationship.

With Craig always being away on tour, it's hard on us. And after the whole cheating incident, it only made it harder. I'm always wondering what he's doing, who he's with, where he is, and for obvious reasons. I don't want to say that I've become the cliche, "crazy girlfriend", but.......I think I have.

But I have a right to worry, don't I? I mean, yes; I love Craig with all of my heart. I truly do believe we were both put on this planet to be together. We're almost exactly alike, and we like so many of the same things, and just.....everything's perfect when it comes to our compatibility. We've been told that countless times by friends, family, fans, and even complete strangers...

But just because we're perfect for each other, doesn't mean we're actually perfect. Obviously, no one is. But I feel like our relationship is the least perfect relationship that's ever existed.

And since he cheated, and had a child with another woman while we were together, I don't trust him 100 percent. And as bad as it sounds, I don't think I ever will. I don't think it means we can't be together anymore; I mean, we still are together...it just means that I'm more paranoid. And more nosy. And more suspicious.

So, yeah. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that we've had a rocky relationship. And when I say rocky, I mean, like, rocky like the Rocky Mountains kinda rocky. And tonight, it just got rockier...

Craig just got back from tour only 3 days ago. Now, I haven't mentioned anything about our anniversary at all. I wanted to see if he would say anything about it.

But he didn't.

And now, on the day of the anniversary, he's been gone.

Gone.

All day.

I've tried calling him.

And he wouldn't answer.

That is, until the last time I called him. And we got into this huge fight about how I'm so nosy and over-protective and worried about him and where he is all the time, and how I need to, "give him space", and a bunch of other bullcrap.

He basically screamed at me to leave him alone, and not bother him anymore today.

Oh, and he didn't mention a single thing about our anniversary being today.

And you know what? That was it. That was the final straw. I decided, that after 7 full years, I was going to end it with him.

I was tired of the fighting, tired of the screaming, tired of having to worry about him, tired about having so many suspicions, tired of everything.

So, the minute he walks right through that door, I'm telling him I'm done. We're calling it quits.

And nothing broke my heart more, so that's why I'm currently in the bedroom, with all the lights off, under the covers and with my face buried in my pillow, crying my eyes out. The tears wouldn't stop coming, it was like the freaking Niagara Falls were in my eyeballs.

I suddenly heard a car door shut, and I knew that Craig was finally home. I slowly got up and out of bed, grabbed a Kleenex and wiped at my eyes. I sniffled and walked out into the dark kitchen, standing by the counter. The door opened and closed, and Craig walked in.

"Why're the lights out?" He mumbled, setting his keys, phone, wallet, and other belongings on the counter.

"I'm done." I ignored his question, and got straight to the point. His head raised itself slowly, and he stared at me. "Huh?"

"I'm done." I said simply. "I'm tired of this. I'm tired of us fighting all the time. Ever since you cheated-"

"Oh, for the love of CHRIST!" I jumped as he screamed. "AMBER, THAT WAS FUCKING 4 YEARS AGO! 4 YEARS! THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME I EVER CHEATED ON YOU! I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF DOING IT AGAIN EVER SINCE! GET THE FUCK OVER IT!" I shook my head.

"Oh, real fucking nice, Craig. Sorry that I'm still hurt over it, and that my trust was completely fucked up ever since you did that! Sorry I worry about you, and have my suspicions! I THINK I HAVE A RIGHT TO DO ALL OF THAT!"

"BUT IT'S SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND OLD!" He walked up to me, and I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest and closing my eyes. "WHEN WILL YOU JUST GET OVER IT?!"

"You know what? That's not the only thing that's making me call it quits." I opened my eyes and saw him standing just a few inches away from me.

"Oh really? Well what else is it then?"

"What is today?" I spoke quietly, but my voice shook with all of the anger. He blinked.

"May 18th...? Or...shit, is it the 17th or 18th?" I groaned and threw my arms in the air. "Oh my god, Craig. Oh my fucking god."

"What!? What NOW?!" I pushed him away from me and walked into the living room. "I can't even believe you right now."

"Oh great, what'd I do this time?" He asked sarcastically. I turned around and glared at him.

"TODAY'S OUR FUCKING ANNIVERSARY! OUR 7 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! AND YOU FORGOT IT!" His eyes widened, and he looked as if he had gulped.

"I-I DIDN'T FORGET! I KNEW IT WAS TODAY!"

"NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'!" I sobbed. "YOU LEFT THIS MORNING, AND YOU'VE BEEN GONE ALL DAY! YOU IGNORED ALL OF MY CALLS UNTIL THAT LAST ONE, WHERE YOU SCREAMED AT ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE AND NOT BOTHER YOU ANYMORE TODAY!!!"

"WELL I WAS DOING SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT!" His voice cracked, and it sounded as if he was trying not to laugh......what the hell?

"Oh, like WHAT?!" He glared angrily at me. "Well, I was spending all day trying to find THIS-......" He reached in the front pocket of his jeans, but pulled nothing out. Suddenly, he looked scared. "Oh shit." He muttered to himself, patting all of his pockets on his jeans down.

"What the fuck are you...doing...?" I was still mad, but oh-so confused now.

"BE RIGHT BACK!" He yelled as he sprinted towards the door. I watched him run out like a little kid that heard the ice cream truck down the road, and raised my eyebrow. What the hell was he doing?

He came back a couple minutes later, stomping angrily into the house. "SORRY I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BOTHER ME TODAY, I WAS TOO BUSY TRYING TO FIND ONE OF THESE!" He pulled a small box out of his pocket, and I stared at it. I looked up at his face, and saw that he had a fake-angry look on his face.

"W-What is t-t-that...?" A smile slowly creeped onto my face as a grin broke out on his own. He started laughing and slowly got down on one knee, making me start crying again.

"Do you really think, that I'd forget our 7 year anniversary?" I put my hand over my mouth to keep the happy sobs from coming out. "I know we've had a difficult...relationship, I guess you could say, and we've most certainly had our downs.....but we've also had a lot of ups, too. And through-out everything that I've done, and everything that's happened...every little stupid thing, all the mistakes, all the fights, all the screaming, all the crying, all the hurtful words that meant nothing.....you stood by me. The whole entire time. You never left my side. And if you can do that, and you can put up with me for 7 full years....."

He flipped open the top of the box, revealing a gorgeous engagement ring laying right in the center. I let out a small scream of joy, causing him to laugh. "I'm pretty sure you can put up with me for the rest of your life. So........do you accept the challenge?" He said in a deep, theatrical voice. I laughed and shook my head at his goofiness.

"Do I accept the challenge of being with you for the rest of my life?" He nodded and grinned. And just a few seconds later, a grin broke out onto my face. "Of course I do, Craig!"

"WHEW-HEW!" He jumped up and engulfed me in a hug, spinning us around a few times. We both yelled in surprise as we heard something fall over and break, and our heads snapped over to the small side table by the couch with a lamp on it.

"Good going!" I laughed as he set me down. He flipped on a light switch and huffed.

"Well MAYBE if you would've had some DAMN LIGHTS ON IN THIS HOUSE, WOMAN! MAYBE I WOULDA SEEN THE DAMN LAMP!" He yelled, fake-angrily. I laughed and he grinned again, kissing me on the lips forcefully. I laughed and slipped my tongue into his mouth, letting it tangle with his for a few seconds before we pulled away. He smiled at me and slipped the ring on my finger.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too, Craig." He pecked my lips softly and smiled at me. He glanced over my shoulder and smiled even bigger.

"That lamp was ugly, anyways."