Why'd I Ever Walk Away
Chapter 1/1
I did the stupidest thing I could've ever done. I walked away. I walked away from my family, and the person I was closest to...Amanda.
Amanda. Just thinking her name brings back memories. Just hanging out around town, being forced to sit through our stupid town meetings, walking in the hallways to class...And now it was all gone...And it was all my fault.
Why'd I walk? That was a question I still have yet to answer.
I'd like to think it was because of something emotonal, but I'm more than sure it was because I was afraid.
I was afraid of commitment, of getting too connected, of everything.
Sure, I loved Amanda, but I never would have acted on it.
One slip...That's all it took. One little kiss, and I ran. I never looked back.
As a matter of fact, I can remember that day like it was yesterday:
It was the summer after our senior year, and we were hanging out as usual. We were on a walk through the park, Amanda chattering away and me listening.
When we stopped to sit down on a bench, I looked over at her, and something inside me snapped, and I had to kiss her, so I did.
That was my mistake. Afterwards, I walked away, leaving her on that bench.
In the days that followed, she tried to get in contact with me, but I couldn't bear it.
After my parents' divorce, I had learned never to get too close, as hings could end as quickly as they'd begun.
FInally, after ignoring all the calls and visits, it was time to head to college. I was going out of town, and Amanda was staying...Why, I had no idea. When we were younger, the only thing we talked about was getting out of this dreadful place.
Now, after four years of college away from my hometown, I was back. I was nervous, as I was sure Amanda was still here.
As I drove down the main street, my suspicions were confirmed. I saw Amanda...On the arm of some new guy that had never been there before this year.
My eyes anrrowed and a strange feeling swept through my body. I kept drving, speeding up as I passed them, refusing to look in the rearview mirror.
After a "Happy" reuniting with my mother, I drove to the only grocery store in town as she needed milk "Really bad" and could I "Please go get some honey?"
Stepping through the door, the first thing I noticed was not the impressive tower of Coke boxes put together to spell out the name of our college's football team, the Hornets on the far wall, I noticed Amanda and the mystery guy checking out at teh register.
I kept walking, ignoring them as I went to get the milk.
As the week passed, I stayed in as much as possible, not wanting to run into my long time best friend. I stayed in until it was time for the town meeting, which my mom would not let me skip.
We walked in and I sat in the very back, hoping to avoid any and all people I knew in my young life...I just wanted to get through this and go home.
I finally thought this wouldn't be so bad when people weren't coming up to me, until I heard the voice I loved.
"Oh my God! JOE!" and then she tackled me...Amanda...My best friend.
I smiled and hugged her back, ignoring her boyfriend. "Hey Amanda," I smiled.
"I missed you so much while you were away. I had no one else unti l met Andy here," she said, motioning to the guy behind her.
"Nice to meet you," I stuck my hand out and he shook it.
After enduring the meeting with the two love birds, I walked home after declining an invitation for ice cream.
That was a month ago, and now I don't really avoid people as much as I just, say as little as possible and move along.
Now, it's just me enduring glances of Amanda and Andy...The Double A's...Kinda like AA batteries...They were that energetic.
One day, I saw them playing kickball with a group of others and then thirty minutes later, they were jogging through OUR path in the park.
I really don't need this stress in my life. Everything in this town...It was OURS, and now it's theirs.
I just have one question.
Why'd I have to walk away?
If I hadn't, it could be ME jogging through the park with her, ME who's sitting underneath the stars with her, but I'm not.
So; Why'd I have to walk away?
Amanda. Just thinking her name brings back memories. Just hanging out around town, being forced to sit through our stupid town meetings, walking in the hallways to class...And now it was all gone...And it was all my fault.
Why'd I walk? That was a question I still have yet to answer.
I'd like to think it was because of something emotonal, but I'm more than sure it was because I was afraid.
I was afraid of commitment, of getting too connected, of everything.
Sure, I loved Amanda, but I never would have acted on it.
One slip...That's all it took. One little kiss, and I ran. I never looked back.
As a matter of fact, I can remember that day like it was yesterday:
It was the summer after our senior year, and we were hanging out as usual. We were on a walk through the park, Amanda chattering away and me listening.
When we stopped to sit down on a bench, I looked over at her, and something inside me snapped, and I had to kiss her, so I did.
That was my mistake. Afterwards, I walked away, leaving her on that bench.
In the days that followed, she tried to get in contact with me, but I couldn't bear it.
After my parents' divorce, I had learned never to get too close, as hings could end as quickly as they'd begun.
FInally, after ignoring all the calls and visits, it was time to head to college. I was going out of town, and Amanda was staying...Why, I had no idea. When we were younger, the only thing we talked about was getting out of this dreadful place.
Now, after four years of college away from my hometown, I was back. I was nervous, as I was sure Amanda was still here.
As I drove down the main street, my suspicions were confirmed. I saw Amanda...On the arm of some new guy that had never been there before this year.
My eyes anrrowed and a strange feeling swept through my body. I kept drving, speeding up as I passed them, refusing to look in the rearview mirror.
After a "Happy" reuniting with my mother, I drove to the only grocery store in town as she needed milk "Really bad" and could I "Please go get some honey?"
Stepping through the door, the first thing I noticed was not the impressive tower of Coke boxes put together to spell out the name of our college's football team, the Hornets on the far wall, I noticed Amanda and the mystery guy checking out at teh register.
I kept walking, ignoring them as I went to get the milk.
As the week passed, I stayed in as much as possible, not wanting to run into my long time best friend. I stayed in until it was time for the town meeting, which my mom would not let me skip.
We walked in and I sat in the very back, hoping to avoid any and all people I knew in my young life...I just wanted to get through this and go home.
I finally thought this wouldn't be so bad when people weren't coming up to me, until I heard the voice I loved.
"Oh my God! JOE!" and then she tackled me...Amanda...My best friend.
I smiled and hugged her back, ignoring her boyfriend. "Hey Amanda," I smiled.
"I missed you so much while you were away. I had no one else unti l met Andy here," she said, motioning to the guy behind her.
"Nice to meet you," I stuck my hand out and he shook it.
After enduring the meeting with the two love birds, I walked home after declining an invitation for ice cream.
That was a month ago, and now I don't really avoid people as much as I just, say as little as possible and move along.
Now, it's just me enduring glances of Amanda and Andy...The Double A's...Kinda like AA batteries...They were that energetic.
One day, I saw them playing kickball with a group of others and then thirty minutes later, they were jogging through OUR path in the park.
I really don't need this stress in my life. Everything in this town...It was OURS, and now it's theirs.
I just have one question.
Why'd I have to walk away?
If I hadn't, it could be ME jogging through the park with her, ME who's sitting underneath the stars with her, but I'm not.
So; Why'd I have to walk away?