Status: Finished.
Dude Looks Like A Lady
Welcome Home.
3 years ago I left. I, Lily Rose Dawson, left my home and everything I had once had on my 18th birthday. I left my brother. I left my friends. I left my family. I had wanted an escape back when I was 18, I couldn’t handle that dead end town, Baltimore just had nothing to offer me, I was alone in a sea of people. 3 years later I’m truly thankful for my decision to leave. It wasn’t easy, as soon as I had reached Seattle I regretted my actions, how stupid and naïve I had been to leave 18 years behind and start fresh when I was still a child in many people’s eyes, my parents included. Sure they understood why I left, they knew that I was going insane there, I hadn’t been a fan of Maryland in general since I was around 10, from there it got progressively worse.
One person who never did understand why I was so hell bent on leaving was my brother, Rian. Rian Dawson had always been my best friend as well as my older brother. I shared everything with him; we never fought, only quibbled over stupid petty things, that was until I informed him of my decision to leave. I think he was just saddened that I wanted to get away, he told me before I left that he was sorry for me leaving, I didn’t understand why he was sorry, he told me that if I was leaving because he’d been a ‘bad brother’ then he would change, he’s spend more time with me if he could. We both knew it wasn’t because of him, I think he just wanted to tell me how much he cared and didn’t want me to leave. But staying was completely out of the questions.
I hadn’t left for college, I had nowhere to live, no job, no family and certainly no friends, yet I was somehow content going into a whole new world completely alone and blind, I didn’t have a clue how I was going to survive, I had saved just enough money to buy a plane ticket and some money to buy me necessities such as food, but even that would run out quickly. I’d been thankful when I had begun talking to the waitress in the first coffee shop I had walked into, I wanted warmth and comfort, both of which were always found in coffee shops, you couldn’t fault the vibe and cosiness. After talking for a good hour in between her serving customers I had found a friend, we didn’t know each other hardly yet the young 19 year old let me crash on her apartment couch for a couple of nights. It was only meant to be a temporary deal until I had some money to live on my own, I hated to be a burden to such a stranger, Hannah had attended work that morning like normal, certainly not expecting to take a stranger home with her who would come to live with her semi-permanently.
I was beyond thankful when she had managed to set me up with a job where she worked, things had been going so well, I was expecting everything to crash down around me any second, it seemed too good to be true. How was everything turning out so effortlessly? I hadn’t completely forgotten my former life, especially not my brother, not that I wanted to of course. Every time I stepped near a magazine isle in a store, I was greeted with my brother’s face, gracing the music magazine’s with his three best friends. I was so proud that he was given to the chance to accomplish and live out his dream, if anyone deserves success it was my brother. I just wish I could tell him how proud I was of him,.
I barely rang home anymore, my number of calls slowly descending with each passingly month, in the first few months Rian had refused to speak on the phone to me, he was too angry and disappointed. I wanted him to understand but I knew he wouldn’t. After those initial first months, I didn’t even ask to speak to him, knowing it would just be a lost cause, alas my parents always informed me of how he was in a different state, country or even continent with his friends, making a life for himself.
My former life was not something I had visited since I left, I never returned for Christmas or birthday’s, instead I shared the holidays with Hannah and her family, they had treated me like their own daughter and it was beautiful that I had created such a friendship, I was truly thankful for my first day here and the decisions that lead me to it. However my parent’s had been badgering me non-stop lately to visit home for my birthday, I was turning 21, my 21st birthday would be my official 3 years in Seattle. I was really unsure about going home for my birthday but I understood how much of a big deal this would be to my family, it was just an enormous step to take when I didn’t really know where I stood with them, I was just secretly praying that if I went home, Rian would be there and we would be able to talk this through. Plus I missed the other three buffoons. Those buffoons would be Jack Barakat, Zack Merrick and last Alex Gaskarth. I somewhat shivered at the thought, that boy still sent shivers down my spine after all of this time, I’d crushed on him terribly since the moment I met him when I was a dorky kid with skinny jeans attached to my legs constantly, accompanied by baggy band shirts and my beat up red Vans all but sewn to my feet which I refused to ever replace. I look back on that and think how much I’ve changed and grown up, my family wouldn’t know who I was anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hannah, I still don’t know about this.” I whined, following her into the kitchen whilst dragging my feet, it was 3 days before I was due to go home, my flight was booked, my bag was half packed but I was willing to unpack and waste the plane ticket money if it meant I could drink away my birthday with my best friend and then pass out in our homely apartment. I didn’t wish to waste my time going home.
“You simply must go Lil, you have nothing to lose by going.” She replied whilst boiling the kettle, she turned to face me, crossing her arms and leaning against the worktop.
“Yeah, nothing but my sanity.” I muttered.
“Look, I can come with you if you want support? I wouldn’t mind getting away for a while.”
“You’d seriously do that for me?” I asked amazed.
She nodded, “Of course I would, I think we’ve already established that I’d do anything for you, that’s what friends are for, right?”
I grinned at the older girl, the thought of going home had been made a little bit more bearable knowing that I’d have her by my side for support.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pair of us exited the taxi, paid the driver and took our bags out of the trunk. I stood in front of my childhood home and sighed, I was overwhelmed and nervous as hell, I turned to Hannah, “I can’t do this, Hannah, I’m too scared.” I whispered, my voice breaking as tears started to brim my eyes before they started falling.
The girl dropped her bags on the side walk and scooped me in her arms, rubbing my back, “You can do this, it’ll be fine I promise, you’ll enjoy this!”
I heard laughing from down the street, it seemed all too familiar to me, it was like music to my ears. Glancing up I saw my four former best friends slowly walking closer, none of them had noticed the pair of us yet and I suddenly felt so exposed, standing here crying in the arms of my best friend. I sniffled and worriedly looked to Hannah. The laughing had subsided and that worried me, a lot.
“Lily?” I heard my shocked brother ask. I slowly turned to look at my older brother standing there, a look of bewilderment spread across his face.
Once my eyes had finally settled on him a fresh set of tears started to pour from my baby blues, “Ri.” Hannah let go of me and before I had time to think Rian had wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes.” I was thoroughly confused to have this welcome from him; I half expected the cold shoulder. When he pulled away I noticed the tears rolling down his face, I hated seeing my brother cry. “I’ve missed you so much Lily.”
“I know Ri, not half as much as I’ve missed you though,” I smiled sadly, “I’m so sorry Rian.” I held onto my brother again.
“Hey now, no apologies, that’s all in the past, we’ll talk about that later, right now I want to focus on the fact that my best friend is home and I haven’t seen her in so long, come on inside, you must see mom and dad!” I grinned at the enthusiasm of my brother. It was really like I had never been away. I turned to see Jack, Zack & Alex stood there, I hadn’t had chance to greet them yet.
I clung onto each boy, one by one, telling them how sorry I was and how much I had missed then, I felt somewhat awkward when I was greeting Alex but he had the biggest smile on his face as he kissed my forehead and held me tightly.
“Damn, look at you girl! Dude looks like a lady! You’ve changed so much.” I blushed and shook my head at his silliness, remembering that none of the boys had known just how much I had grown up and changed appearance wise. It was somewhat blissful to be home, I didn’t realise quite what I had missed until I had been reunited with it. Right now I was thankful for my decision to come home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was odd how natural this all felt, it was as if I had never been away, I was greeted with open arms by my mother Kathi & step father Dennis, I hadn’t realised quite how much I had missed this life. I enjoyed having Hannah there too, she was welcomed by my family so well and I was more than grateful.
The next morning I was awoken by Alex stroking my hair, I found it somewhat odd that he was doing that despite how close we had once been, I opened my eyes and looked up at the boy.
“Morning beautiful.” I grinned at him and blushed, forgetting that today I turned 21, I was an official adult and I was now legal to get smashed off my face.
“Morning Alex,” I arched my eyebrows in confusion, “why are you here right now? I don’t mean to sound rude or anything.”
He sat up and released his hand from my hair, “I wanted to spend some time with you now, I just-I have to say this, I’m scared that you’ll just leave again, I can’t let you leave before I say my piece.” I was even more confused now.
“When you left, you crushed everyone,” my eyes lowered and I began to fiddle with my comforter, feeling terribly guilty, “we felt like we’d all lost our little sister as well as our best friend, I just didn’t expect it to hit me quite as hard as it did.”
Why did Alex have to talk this through with me right now? It’s my birthday; I really didn’t want to spend the day depressed. “If you’re here just to lecture me about my decisions then I suggest you leave, I don’t want you to ruin my birthday.”
“Just let me finish, I knew I’d miss you when you went, we were all expecting you to leave, we just didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly without warning, I didn’t get why I was so torn up. Jack & Zack didn’t understand, of course Rian was just at a loss, he wanted his little sister back, but I wanted you back for other reasons. I didn’t want my little sister back; I’d already established we didn’t have that kind of relationship. It took you leaving for me to realise something,” tears were clouding my vision and I was speechless, I didn’t expect that my departure would have had such a big impact, “I was in love with you.”
My stomach somersaulted and I frowned, “Was?”
Alex scratched the back of his neck, “Well um-I-um.. I still am.” He mumbled.
A grin broke out on my face at his words, without a second to think I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him forward, crushing our lips together. God I had wanted this for so long.
We pulled away after a minute, “Wow”. Alex breathed.
“I’ve waited 7 years for you to say that,” I whispered, “I love you.”
One person who never did understand why I was so hell bent on leaving was my brother, Rian. Rian Dawson had always been my best friend as well as my older brother. I shared everything with him; we never fought, only quibbled over stupid petty things, that was until I informed him of my decision to leave. I think he was just saddened that I wanted to get away, he told me before I left that he was sorry for me leaving, I didn’t understand why he was sorry, he told me that if I was leaving because he’d been a ‘bad brother’ then he would change, he’s spend more time with me if he could. We both knew it wasn’t because of him, I think he just wanted to tell me how much he cared and didn’t want me to leave. But staying was completely out of the questions.
I hadn’t left for college, I had nowhere to live, no job, no family and certainly no friends, yet I was somehow content going into a whole new world completely alone and blind, I didn’t have a clue how I was going to survive, I had saved just enough money to buy a plane ticket and some money to buy me necessities such as food, but even that would run out quickly. I’d been thankful when I had begun talking to the waitress in the first coffee shop I had walked into, I wanted warmth and comfort, both of which were always found in coffee shops, you couldn’t fault the vibe and cosiness. After talking for a good hour in between her serving customers I had found a friend, we didn’t know each other hardly yet the young 19 year old let me crash on her apartment couch for a couple of nights. It was only meant to be a temporary deal until I had some money to live on my own, I hated to be a burden to such a stranger, Hannah had attended work that morning like normal, certainly not expecting to take a stranger home with her who would come to live with her semi-permanently.
I was beyond thankful when she had managed to set me up with a job where she worked, things had been going so well, I was expecting everything to crash down around me any second, it seemed too good to be true. How was everything turning out so effortlessly? I hadn’t completely forgotten my former life, especially not my brother, not that I wanted to of course. Every time I stepped near a magazine isle in a store, I was greeted with my brother’s face, gracing the music magazine’s with his three best friends. I was so proud that he was given to the chance to accomplish and live out his dream, if anyone deserves success it was my brother. I just wish I could tell him how proud I was of him,.
I barely rang home anymore, my number of calls slowly descending with each passingly month, in the first few months Rian had refused to speak on the phone to me, he was too angry and disappointed. I wanted him to understand but I knew he wouldn’t. After those initial first months, I didn’t even ask to speak to him, knowing it would just be a lost cause, alas my parents always informed me of how he was in a different state, country or even continent with his friends, making a life for himself.
My former life was not something I had visited since I left, I never returned for Christmas or birthday’s, instead I shared the holidays with Hannah and her family, they had treated me like their own daughter and it was beautiful that I had created such a friendship, I was truly thankful for my first day here and the decisions that lead me to it. However my parent’s had been badgering me non-stop lately to visit home for my birthday, I was turning 21, my 21st birthday would be my official 3 years in Seattle. I was really unsure about going home for my birthday but I understood how much of a big deal this would be to my family, it was just an enormous step to take when I didn’t really know where I stood with them, I was just secretly praying that if I went home, Rian would be there and we would be able to talk this through. Plus I missed the other three buffoons. Those buffoons would be Jack Barakat, Zack Merrick and last Alex Gaskarth. I somewhat shivered at the thought, that boy still sent shivers down my spine after all of this time, I’d crushed on him terribly since the moment I met him when I was a dorky kid with skinny jeans attached to my legs constantly, accompanied by baggy band shirts and my beat up red Vans all but sewn to my feet which I refused to ever replace. I look back on that and think how much I’ve changed and grown up, my family wouldn’t know who I was anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hannah, I still don’t know about this.” I whined, following her into the kitchen whilst dragging my feet, it was 3 days before I was due to go home, my flight was booked, my bag was half packed but I was willing to unpack and waste the plane ticket money if it meant I could drink away my birthday with my best friend and then pass out in our homely apartment. I didn’t wish to waste my time going home.
“You simply must go Lil, you have nothing to lose by going.” She replied whilst boiling the kettle, she turned to face me, crossing her arms and leaning against the worktop.
“Yeah, nothing but my sanity.” I muttered.
“Look, I can come with you if you want support? I wouldn’t mind getting away for a while.”
“You’d seriously do that for me?” I asked amazed.
She nodded, “Of course I would, I think we’ve already established that I’d do anything for you, that’s what friends are for, right?”
I grinned at the older girl, the thought of going home had been made a little bit more bearable knowing that I’d have her by my side for support.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pair of us exited the taxi, paid the driver and took our bags out of the trunk. I stood in front of my childhood home and sighed, I was overwhelmed and nervous as hell, I turned to Hannah, “I can’t do this, Hannah, I’m too scared.” I whispered, my voice breaking as tears started to brim my eyes before they started falling.
The girl dropped her bags on the side walk and scooped me in her arms, rubbing my back, “You can do this, it’ll be fine I promise, you’ll enjoy this!”
I heard laughing from down the street, it seemed all too familiar to me, it was like music to my ears. Glancing up I saw my four former best friends slowly walking closer, none of them had noticed the pair of us yet and I suddenly felt so exposed, standing here crying in the arms of my best friend. I sniffled and worriedly looked to Hannah. The laughing had subsided and that worried me, a lot.
“Lily?” I heard my shocked brother ask. I slowly turned to look at my older brother standing there, a look of bewilderment spread across his face.
Once my eyes had finally settled on him a fresh set of tears started to pour from my baby blues, “Ri.” Hannah let go of me and before I had time to think Rian had wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes.” I was thoroughly confused to have this welcome from him; I half expected the cold shoulder. When he pulled away I noticed the tears rolling down his face, I hated seeing my brother cry. “I’ve missed you so much Lily.”
“I know Ri, not half as much as I’ve missed you though,” I smiled sadly, “I’m so sorry Rian.” I held onto my brother again.
“Hey now, no apologies, that’s all in the past, we’ll talk about that later, right now I want to focus on the fact that my best friend is home and I haven’t seen her in so long, come on inside, you must see mom and dad!” I grinned at the enthusiasm of my brother. It was really like I had never been away. I turned to see Jack, Zack & Alex stood there, I hadn’t had chance to greet them yet.
I clung onto each boy, one by one, telling them how sorry I was and how much I had missed then, I felt somewhat awkward when I was greeting Alex but he had the biggest smile on his face as he kissed my forehead and held me tightly.
“Damn, look at you girl! Dude looks like a lady! You’ve changed so much.” I blushed and shook my head at his silliness, remembering that none of the boys had known just how much I had grown up and changed appearance wise. It was somewhat blissful to be home, I didn’t realise quite what I had missed until I had been reunited with it. Right now I was thankful for my decision to come home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was odd how natural this all felt, it was as if I had never been away, I was greeted with open arms by my mother Kathi & step father Dennis, I hadn’t realised quite how much I had missed this life. I enjoyed having Hannah there too, she was welcomed by my family so well and I was more than grateful.
The next morning I was awoken by Alex stroking my hair, I found it somewhat odd that he was doing that despite how close we had once been, I opened my eyes and looked up at the boy.
“Morning beautiful.” I grinned at him and blushed, forgetting that today I turned 21, I was an official adult and I was now legal to get smashed off my face.
“Morning Alex,” I arched my eyebrows in confusion, “why are you here right now? I don’t mean to sound rude or anything.”
He sat up and released his hand from my hair, “I wanted to spend some time with you now, I just-I have to say this, I’m scared that you’ll just leave again, I can’t let you leave before I say my piece.” I was even more confused now.
“When you left, you crushed everyone,” my eyes lowered and I began to fiddle with my comforter, feeling terribly guilty, “we felt like we’d all lost our little sister as well as our best friend, I just didn’t expect it to hit me quite as hard as it did.”
Why did Alex have to talk this through with me right now? It’s my birthday; I really didn’t want to spend the day depressed. “If you’re here just to lecture me about my decisions then I suggest you leave, I don’t want you to ruin my birthday.”
“Just let me finish, I knew I’d miss you when you went, we were all expecting you to leave, we just didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly without warning, I didn’t get why I was so torn up. Jack & Zack didn’t understand, of course Rian was just at a loss, he wanted his little sister back, but I wanted you back for other reasons. I didn’t want my little sister back; I’d already established we didn’t have that kind of relationship. It took you leaving for me to realise something,” tears were clouding my vision and I was speechless, I didn’t expect that my departure would have had such a big impact, “I was in love with you.”
My stomach somersaulted and I frowned, “Was?”
Alex scratched the back of his neck, “Well um-I-um.. I still am.” He mumbled.
A grin broke out on my face at his words, without a second to think I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him forward, crushing our lips together. God I had wanted this for so long.
We pulled away after a minute, “Wow”. Alex breathed.
“I’ve waited 7 years for you to say that,” I whispered, “I love you.”