Better Off This Way

It was the day I had been looking forward to all summer. Let’s face it- what else did I have to look forward to in the barren desert of Phoenix, Arizona in the middle of the summer?

The day after I graduated from high school in May, I had been shipped off to Arizona to live with my mom. I had left the fast paced life of Manhattan for Suburbia USA. I had left all of my best friends, had a horrible breakup with my boyfriend of two years, Jordan, and went to a place where I knew no one.

My dad wanted to travel the world this summer. It had been his dream to do so ever since my mom and him got divorced two years before. It had always been in the plan that after high school, I would move in with my mom and go to college at Arizona State.

It wasn’t what I wanted, but I was never one to show much emotion, let alone stick up for myself to my parents. So, being the quiet, only child that I was, I went along with the plan. It was better not to argue when it came to my parents.

No, before you go any further, I’m not one of those goodie two shoes only children. You know, the ones who live sheltered lives and don’t drink or watch an R rated movie before they go to college? That wasn’t me; that was far from me. I just didn’t like confrontation. I had never had rules in place for me because I had my parents trust. I had no interest in any of the things they would have restricted me on in the first place. Sure, I casually drank with friends back in New York, but I would have much rather used my fake ID (yes, I have a fake a ID) to get into a bar to watch a local band perform than actually consume alcohol.

But back to today. When I had found out I was leaving for Arizona in the middle of May, I was heart broken that I would miss the intimate, small club tour my favorite band Cartel was doing that summer. I was going to miss the New York tour stop by two days. Lucky for me, karma was slightly on my side. On June 2, that same tour was making a stop in Phoenix, Arizona.

That brings us to today, June 2. I had been in Arizona for a little over three weeks, and let’s just say, I’m not its biggest fan. It’s too hot to do any sort of physical activity outside. I had gotten a part time job at a local bookstore in town, just to keep myself busy, but I still spent many nights alone, with carry out and Netflix as my only companions. My mom was a flight attendant, and was gone at least 20 nights of every month.

But tonight was different. Tonight, I would not sit in our too new smelling living room with another Caesar salad from Panera or another season of Lost on TV. Tonight, I was going to finally go to a show again.
Going to shows alone in New York had never been a problem for me. I guess that’s partly because I had rarely, if ever, actually been alone. My then boyfriend, Jordan, often met up with me after he got off work, plus there were always familiar faces from school.

Here in Phoenix, I hardly knew where the venue was located, let alone anyone who was going to be there. Heck, I didn’t even know if my fake ID would work.

“Lindsey,” I heard my mom calling from the stairs.

“Yeah mom,” I asked before climbing out from under the covers, walking over to examine my appearance in the mirror. I brushed through my straight, dirty blonde hair and looked over my sun kissed reflection before turning around to hug my mom goodbye.

“How long will you be gone this time,” I sighed.

“Just three nights. Sweetie, I know this is hard for you, but just think, in two months, you’ll be at ASU and will be around people your own age,” my mom said, squeezing me tight.

“Yeah, mom, about ASU-“ I started, before stopping. No point in arguing, Lindsey, I told myself.

“I have to run. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be in Milwaukee for most of the time. Oh, hun, isn’t that show tonight,” she asked as she turned to rush down the stairs and out the door.

“Yes, finally,” I grinned.

“Have fun, and be safe,” she said opening the door, as a strip of warm sunlight hit my face.

I quickly put my hand up to shield my face from the brightness to see my mom smiling down on me.

“Don’t bring any band boys home while I’m gone. You know how I feel about them,” she teased.

“No worries there, Mom. I think everyone in Cartel is either married or in a committed relationship,” I giggled.

“Linds, no guy in a band is in a committed relationship, even if they have a ring on their finger. Don’t put them on a pedestal,” she said before blowing me a kiss and closing the door behind her.

It was only 11 in the morning. I still had 6 hours before I needed to get ready to leave to attempt to the venue.

I decided to eat a quick breakfast of a bagel and cream cheese before heading out to our pool to lay out for most of the afternoon.

Around 4 in the afternoon, I came in to cool off, and mindlessly watched a Gossip Girl re run on TV before dozing off.

At 5:30, I got up, showered quickly, blowing out my hair before deciding on leaving it down and straight for the night.

I chose my outfit carefully- a purple tank top, white shorts and gold gladiator sandals before applying the least amount of makeup possible. Just a little eyeliner, mascara, foundation and subtle pink lipstick before grabbing my phone, purse and keys and heading for my black Jeep parked in the garage.

I typed the address of the venue into my GPS system and was on my way. It took about 20 minutes to drive to the venue.

The show was at a small bar, and I was relieved to see once I arrived that it was 21+. I flashed my fake at the door with ease and headed in to find a seat near to, or I hoped, at the bar.

With my luck, I spied only two empty seats, so I hurried over to claim them. Three guys, who I guessed to be in their mid 20s sat to my left, and my cheeks grew slightly flushed, feeling their stare as I sat down and flashed my ID again, this time at the bartender while saying, “Vodka and red bull, please.”

An opening band came out to play acoustically and I was content to turn around on my bar stool, sip my drink and look around at everyone, about 100 people, enjoying themselves and the music.

Out of the corner of my left eye, I caught a glimpse of an attractive guy who appeared to be about my age sitting down on the last vacant bar stool next to me. I snuck a glimpse when he asked for a drink, and my instincts had been correct.

The first thing I noticed, other than his sandy blond hair, was his insanely white teeth. They weren’t hard to miss, as his mouth, in the three minutes I had been in his presence, was the majority of the time drawn up in a smirk. He clearly thought he was the shit, just the kind of boy I loved- an arrogant one. Sarcasm.

Before I knew it, he was flashing those white teeth at me. Oh, how my heart was not prepared for that. Or my stomach for that matter. My heart was pounding so loud I was sure him and half the club could hear it over the strum of the acoustic guitar that was now playing a Tom Petty cover. And my stomach. Heck, it was filled with so many butterflies, I thought I would float to the ceiling at any second.

“Here for the show,” the boy asked in a higher pitched voice than I had been imagining.

In my haste to turn and answer him, I knocked my drink down the length of the bar.

“Shit,” I grumbled, starting to reach for the overturned glass.

The boy chuckled. “Let me help you with that,” he offered.

Our hands reached the now empty glass at the same moment, his on top of mine. We both stood awkwardly for what could have been hours and eventually I cleared my throat and pulled my hand away.

In the midst of our awkwardness, the bartender had cleaned up my mess.

“Well, now that we’ve established you’re a klutz, are you going to answer my question,” the boy pressed again.

“Sorry, I don’t talk to boys who come to shows alone with the sole intention of hitting on girls,” I shot back.

“Ouch,” he said with mock hurt. “Fair enough. At least let me buy you another drink.”

I simply shrugged, and the bartender brought over my replacement. The boy handed him a five-dollar bill as I took a sip.

We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes before he continued, “I am alone, fair enough. But, if you must know, as hard as it is for me to talk to a girl when she’s in a group of friends, it’s even harder for me to get up the courage to talk to a girl when she’s alone. You see, that screams confidence, and I pride myself on being the most confident person in the room. I can’t be having that kind of competition.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his cockiness. But I still didn’t speak.

“Can you please answer my question,” he pleaded with a grin, ”or I’m going to go have to find another victim. I doubt I can get anyone else to spill their drink though.”

This time, I suppressed a giggle before answering. “Yeah, I’m here for the show, uh-”

He caught my drift. “Oh, right, I’m Brian,” he said, extending a hand and I took it in a firm handshake before he continued. “You must be new here. There’s no attractive girls in Phoenix who like good music.”

Attractive. He thought I was attractive.

“Uh, y-yeah I just moved here a few weeks ago from New York. My mom got a new job, and she wants me to go to ASU in the fall,” I explained, looking up into Brian’s sparkling brown eyes, which were currently tracing over my figure, stopping in a place where I could feel my cheeks growing hot before I continued. “But she’s never home because she just became a flight attendant. Thus, why I am here, alone, at a show.”

“All that’s great and all,” he said, looking back up at me. “But all of that is useless because I still don’t know your name.”

“I’m Lindsey,” I said.

“Lindsey the Klutz,” Brian fired back with a grin.

“Hey, your white shirt is looking pretty inviting towards a red stain right about now,” I teased. He was wearing a white vneck under a seemingly worn jean jacket.

Brian chuckled and prodded further, “So is this your first time seeing Cartel?”

“Oh gosh no. This is, let me see, probably my 5th or 6th. Their live shows never get old to me,” I said, growing more comfortable in Brian’s presence by the minute.

“Damn, klutz. Impressive. I still have you beat though, by a landslide. I’ve seen them close to 30 times,” he said, smirking.

“Well, Jesus, I didn’t realize I was in a competition with a fucking groupie.” I said, laughing out loud. “Have they gotten a restraining order on you yet?”

“Surprisingly, no,” he laughed. “I’m in a band, and we toured with them for a while, here on the West Coast, last summer.”

“No shit, really,” I asked, with a hint of skepticism. “What band?”

“The Summer Set. You haven’t heard of us yet, but you will someday,” he said, flashing his pearly whites for seemingly the 100th time. “We only have an EP out right now. We’re in the process of writing some more songs for a full length. You should definitely stop by the studio sometime in the next few weeks. It’s here in Phoenix.”

“I’d like that,” I said. “The production side of music is something that has always interested me. Live shows are great, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always thought the studio is where the real passion is.”

Brian stood staring at me for a minute before speaking. “And why again, are we just now meeting?”

I laughed, starting to answer, before seeing the Cartel roadies come out to the small stage to begin to set up for their set that evening. I must have had an excited look on my face, because Brian laughed again.

“Ok, I have to ask, what’s your favorite Cartel song,” he asked. “This is important, don’t answer wrong.”

“Oh god. Um. Well, the entire Chroma album is brilliant. Fuck, I don’t know, I guess Luckie St. I don’t know.”

“No. We can’t be friends anymore. Luckie St. might be the worst song on the album,” Brian said.

“Oh, ok, fuck you. What’s the best song then?” I giggled, doing my best to act pissed. Wasn’t working. This kid had me in a trance.

“If I Fail. And they’re going to play it tonight. You’ll change your mind,” he said, biting on the neck of his Miller Lite bottle playfully.

“Hell no. They haven’t played it all tour. I’ll bet you, you’re wrong,” I fired back.

“Ok. Five shots of tequila for the winner. And, five shots of the cheapest vodka in the place for the loser,” Brian challenged, reaching his hand out yet again.

“You’re on,” I laughed, reaching to shake his hand, accepting the bet.

Brian laughed again, looking down at his phone, which he had pulled out of his pocket, sent a quick text and looked back up at me with a wink.

The Cartel set started, they played a good mix of old songs and introduced some new ones, which sounded good live. I could tell their set was winding down.

“This is going to be it for us, Arizona. Thanks so fucking much for having us,” the lead singer, Will Pugh said, before continuing. “This song goes out to my pal Brian at the bar, at his request. Enjoy the tequila, kid.”

I looked at Brian in mock disbelief as the strains of If I Fail started echoing throughout the bar.

‘Cheater,” I pouted.

Brian just laughed and called the bartender over to order our drinks.

I groaned as the waiter set down 5 delicious looking shots of tequila, a small plate of salt and a few slices of lime in front of Brian. I groaned even more as I saw the five shot glasses full of cheap Karkov vodka set on the bar in front of me.

“Cheers,” said Brian, as we pounded four shots in relative succession.

I could feel the liquor really setting in at this point. My head was spinning; my arms were numbing.

The fifth shot glass was glistening at me in the dim light of the bar, taunting me. I downed it and a swig of Coke with relative ease.

“Cheaters never win,” I said, playfully punching Brian.

He rolled his eyes, downed his fifth tequila shot and simply stared at me.

“Quit doing that. You’re making me nervous. What are you even thinking,” I questioned.

“I’m thinking about how much I want to kiss you,” he said with a smirk.

Before I knew what was happening, Brian had risen off his bar stool, placed his hand on my face, cupping my cheek, and pulled me to him.

His lips tasted like lime and liquor, and I inhaled a scent of his musty cologne before we pulled apart.

“You were wrong,” he said.

“About?”

“Cheaters always win,” he said, before leaning in to kiss me again. This time, I could feel his tongue against my own. We kissed, longer this time, and more passionately.

When we broke apart this time, I realized that the bar around us was slowing clearing out.

“I should get home,” I said, reaching into my clutch for my keys. “It’s late.”

“There’s no way you’re driving,” Brian said, reaching to grab my keys away from me. “We’ll take a cab.”

He grabbed my hand, leading me out in front of the bar where a couple of yellow taxis awaited us.

I managed to choke out my address to the driver before Brian’s lips were on mine again. We didn’t kiss the whole ride, but for most of it. I leaned into Brian’s right side, and his right arm was around me. His hand caressed my neck and back. His left hand rested on my left thigh, occasionally venturing under my shorts. I attempted to squirm away when that happened. “Not in the cab, cheater” I giggled, turning away. His hand grabbed my face, turning me back to face him. He smiled into our next kiss, and before I knew it, the cab driver announced that we at our destination.

Brian attempted to fumble for his wallet, but I pushed his arm back. “I’ve got this,” I said, throwing three twenties at the driver, before grabbing Brian’s arm and pulling him out the car door with me, and into the cool, June night air.

I fumbled in my purse for my house keys, finally finding them. I had barely had time to open the door and kick off my sandals before I saw one of Brian’s hands slamming the door shut behind me, and the other pushing me towards the wall in the entryway.

He had me pinned up against the wall, and our makeout session became more and more intense. I found myself being pushed further and further up the wall, before finally my feet left the ground, and Brian steadied me by grabbing my waist. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

His lips left mine and found their way to my collarbone and up to my neck. I tried to stifle a moan, but one escaped my mouth, nonetheless.

Brian looked up into my eyes and I didn’t even have to look to know that there was a smirk on his lips. In the few short hours I’d known him, I already could tell that was his trademark.

“You must be tired just standing there holding me,” I giggled, before quickly returning the favor and sucking on the skin of Brian’s neck, before leaning against his chest.

He tried to hide the quiet, throaty groan he had reacted with by speaking, but I heard it and I was the one smirking.

“Now that you mention it,” he laughed. “Where should we go?”

“Top of the stairs, second door on the left,” I instructed, pointing the way.

“Oh, am I carrying you up the stairs, princess? You’re such a klutz, you’d probably trip anyway,” Brian teased.

“Mhm hmm,” I hummed, nuzzling my face in his chest, once again inhaling the musty scent of his cologne.

Brian simply laughed and made his way up the stairs, rubbing my back as he did so. We reached the top of the stairs and he turned the corner, before approaching the door of my room and fumbling with the handle. He walked over to my bed and dropped me gently on my back, slipping his jean jacket off before climbing on top of me.

He stared into my eyes before leaning down to softly kiss me again as he did so his hand found its way under my shorts. I arched into him at the feeling and reached up to slip his shirt over his head, before starting on unbuckling his belt, only pausing momentarily to lift my arms above my head so Brian could take off my shirt.

I managed to get his black jeans past his hips and he kicked them the rest of the way off. He slipped my shorts off and threw them behind him on the floor. He also discarded his boxers, leaving him naked on top of me.

Sober me would have stopped him from what came next, but tipsy Lindsey was slutty Lindsey. I wasn’t really against having sex not in a relationship; I just had never personally done it before.

Brian reached behind me and unhooked my bra, lifting me up slightly so he could rip it off me and threw that on the growing pile of clothes on the floor. His mouth found its way to my hip bone and he left a trail of kisses up my torso, before coming to my neck again. I returned the favor, however, I started slightly slower on his body before moving upward. As I reached his neck and sucked, he let out another throaty groan. He slipped my underwear off and stopped kissing me momentarily to look at me with a raised eyebrow. We both knew what he was asking. I merely nodded and Brian shifted down slightly before doing the inevitable.

An hour later, I let out an exhausted sigh as Brian rolled off from on top of me and on to the bed. He lay on his side and pulled me to him, kissing the top of my head as I drifted off to sleep.