I'm In Love With You and It's Crashing My Heart

"You know, I really don't believe you. It doesn't look like you're...I don't know...Feeling it."

I looked at the producer of my show. What he had just said to me pissed me the hell off.

"What in the hell do you mean? I do look like I'm 'feeling it'! I grabbed her and made-out with her! What more do you want?" I asked.

"I don't know, Bam. It doesn't look like you're into marrying her."

"That's because I'm not into marrying her, Tim!"

"Well, we're going to do that part over. This is supposed to be a wedding reception, Bam. Your wedding reception! Look happy!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry everyone!" Tim said into the mega-phone to a room full of my family and friends. "We're doing that over!"

A collective groan was heard from the room full of people.

"I'm sorry!" said Tim. "Maybe if your friend Bam here would act happy, we wouldn't have to do this!"

"Hey! Quit making me look like an ass." I said.

"You're making yourself look like an ass! You're the one who came begging to me about shooting a wedding show to cover-up the fact that you're gay! And what did I do? I made it happen! I created the show Bam's Unholy Union, so you could supposedly get married and cover-up the fact that you're gay!"

"Bi! I'm bi, not gay!" I yelled.

"So what's the big deal, then? You like girls, so why don't you get married for real, then?"

"Look. This one guy heard me say that I like this one guy, and he started telling people about it. I don't want people to know, okay? That's why I asked you to do this show to me."

"And I did! I am! I want to help you convince people, Bam. But how can I do that if you don't act like you want to get married? Now you owe it to me, and all of these hundreds of people who dressed up nice to help cover-up you secret, to act like you want this done."

I looked around the room. It did look like a legitimate wedding reception. Hundreds of people, tables, chairs, and a band playing. CKY and HIM stuff were everywhere. The main family of mine were there, along with close friends. Missy's family was there, as well.

I looked at my Mom and Dad. They looked at me with a disappointed face. Tim was right. I wasn't going to let him win that easily, though.

"I am acting like I want to do this." I said. "I pulled off the tears, didn't I?"

Tim smiled and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes. Yes you did." he said. "Just do this one part over, and then we can all go home, okay? You shot the part where you carried her to into the hotel room before this, right?"

"Yeah." I said.

"Okay, then. Do this for me one more time."

I sighed. I realized again that Tim was right. If I wanted to cover for my ass, I would have to look like I wanted this.

I looked at Missy.

"Sorry about this." I said.

Missy rolled her eyes.

"Cue the band!" Tim yelled. "Look alive, people!"

The band started to play, and the people on the dance floor around me started jumping up and down and dancing. It was a full-on party scene.

"Action!" yelled the director.

The camera came closer to me and I grabbed Missy and I was forced to kiss her. For Tim's sake and my own, I acted like I was into it."

Please say 'scene', please say 'scene'!

"And scene!" the director yelled.

I pulled away from Missy.

"That's a wrap guys." the director yelled.

The hall started cheering.

"Thank God!" I yelled.

I took the mega-phone that Tim had set on a stool.

"Thank you to everyone who did this for me." I said into it. "I'd like to thank the crew, my family and friends, and the struggling actors and actresses that gave Missy and I the fake marriage licences! And I would like to thank Missy, for falling off the skateboard. That was the biggest laugh I have had in a long time!"

Missy rolled her eyes.

"Now, so this wasn't all totally a waste," I continued, "I've booked this room for the night, so you're all welcome to stay and party your ass off! Unless you're old! Then you can go back to the nursing home that you came from!"

"BAM!" scolded my Mom.

I laughed and gave the mega-phone back to Tim.

"Thanks for everything." I said to him. "'Bye, Miss."

I slapped Missy's shoulder and ran to my parents, who were standing by Tony Hawk.

"The wife and I gotta go." said Tony.

"What? You're not going to party with me?" I asked, pouting.

"Wish I could, but I can't. And no offense, but this band that's playing sucks."

"I know. But that was part'a the deal. Missy's favorite band plays, she does the show."

"And pretends to be your wife."

"Yup." I laughed. "That too. Well, I'll see ya, man. Thanks for being a fake guest!"

"No problem. 'Bye! See ya, Phil and Ape!"

"'Bye, Tony." said my parents.

Tony walked off.

Ape gave me a look.

"What's wrong, Ape?" I asked.

"What's wrong?!" my Mom exclaimed. "Are you kidding me? You fake a whole show where you plan a fake wedding, and then you make all your relatives come to attend a fake wedding? Bam? What's wrong with you?"

"Look. You didn't have to do it. I told you that."

"I'm not talking about me, Bam. I'm always with you. It's your other relatives along with Missy's that I'm-"

"It's not like they thought it was real! I told them that It was fake! They didn't have to come if they didn't want to, but they did!"

"Still. How could you do that to Missy? You've known here since you were little."

"Friends help friends out, Ape." I said. "Missy's my friend. She agreed to do it. Now I'm going to say 'bye to everyone. It might take awhile."

I walked around saying 'bye to everyone, then I sat down. I looked up at the center wall, where there was a huge heart-a-gram.

There was an ache in my heart.

I got up and left the reception hall, got in my blue Hummer and drove to Castle Bam. I flung myself on the couch.

I couldn't believe what I had done. I had asked Missy, a good friend of mine to pretend to marry me, and show it as a show on MTV. Part of me wasn't even thinking, because I didn't realize that after that, everyone would think that I was in fact married to her.

She was a good sport, though, and agreed to do it. I even enjoyed it. It gave me something to do. Now it was over.

As I sat there, I wondered. Why exactly did I do it? Was it to cover up the fact that I was bi? Or was it to cover up my feelings for...

No. That wasn't it. It wasn't because of him. Or maybe it was because of him. That is, the lead singer of HIM. Ville Hermanni Valo.

I shook my head violently to get rid of the thought.

"I'm not in love with Ville Valo." I said out loud. "I'm not in love with Ville Valo."

I was sure that no one would've ever guessed that I, Bam Margera, was bisexual. I wasn't sure what would happen if the media found out. I would get in so much shit for it. When I had told my parents and a few close friends about it, they started laughing. It took at least two weeks for them to finally believe it.

Yeah, I like girls. I like guys, too though. What's the big deal? Then again...Since I liked girls, and wasn't gay, I could get married to a girl, and no one would know that I liked guys, too. They wouldn't even question anything. That would work if I wasn't in love with a guy at the moment.

However, that wasn't the case...Because I was.

The rumors going around was that I was gay. Not bi, but gay, which was why I planned the whole wedding show. If the rumors were going around that I was bi, I could simply just deny it. Like I said, I could marry a girl, and be able to cover my secret.

That wasn't the rumor, though. The rumor was that I was gay, and I didn't want the world to think that.

Yet, I knew that I was half gay, which is why I felt the need to cover it up. It was all an inner battle within myself.

My mind soon trailed off to Ville Valo. The person who I truly loved. We had been friends for a long time, and he was openly bi. He knew that I was, but was a bit mad at me for not telling the world. He said it's part of who I am, and I should be myself.

He didn't understand, though. He wasn't the one who had a reputation as a bad-ass for being on the two stunt shows. Sure, he was in a heavy metal band, but the band wasn't known as much as my shows were. I liked my bad-ass reputation, and I felt it would be tarnished if the world knew I was half-gay.

Ville didn't come to the fake wedding. Ape called him and said "Bam's getting married!", and Ville thought it was real. He got really mad at me and ignored me for a month. So I had to have Linde tell him that it was fake, and only then did he call me.

"Why are you doing this?" he had asked.

"Because I don't want the world to think I'm gay. Just denying it doesn't help." I had said.

"But you're not gay, Bam."

"I know. But I'm bi."

"So? I don't see why you are doing this. Why don't you just come out and say that you're bisexual?"

"I have a reputation to protect."

"So? Cancel the show with the wedding, say you are bisexual, not gay, and replace the show with another stunt show to prove you are the same old Bam."

"I doubt people would watch it."

"I'm sure they would...I'd watch it."

I can remember feeling touched when Ville had said that.

"I can't do that, Vil." I has said. "Now will you come to the fake wedding and be my fake best man?

"I can't do that, Bam. I don't think you're doing what's right."

He had hung-up with me after that, and that was the last time I had spoken to him.

That was two months ago. Now, Ville and I didn't talk, and it hurt me. That could be why I was able to pull off the fake tears at the false wedding. Maybe they weren't even fake.

I would never tell anyone that, though. The last thing I needed was for everyone to think that I was a pussy.

As I sat there alone on the couch, I realized that I needed to see Ville. Now that the faux wedding was over, maybe he would talk to me again.

Ten Months Later

Ten months have passed since the fake wedding. Still no Ville. It was exactly two weeks before his birthday, and I needed to see him. I had learned that HIM had one week off from their tour, so I could more than likely catch Ville at his new apartment that he had bought.

My private jet was having problems, so I flew to Finland on commercial. I wore my sunglasses and a grey hoodie, hoping I wouldn't be recognized.

On the flight, I listened to HIM's new album, Venus Doom on my I-Pod. I lip sang to the whole album. How I loved Ville's voice, and how he breathed deeply like he did on every album with a sound that sounded like a "UH!".

The songs were so beautiful, but I didn't want to cry. The last thing I needed was for someone to catch me crying, and see that I had a soft spot...For a guy.

I had arrived in Finland and exited the plane. The car that I had arranged to be there to drive me to Ville's apartment was there, so I flung my luggage in the back seat and sped off to Ville's apartment.

I found the apartment building and knocked on the door. No one answered.

I knocked again. No one.

Suddenly, I heard someone next door speaking in Finnish. I soon realized that he was talking to me.

"What was that?" I asked.

The guy said something again.

"I'm sorry. I can't understand you." I said.

The guy spoke louder to me.

"Uh...Okay. Thanks." I said.

The guy shook his head and went into his house.

I knocked on Ville's door again. No answer.

I opened the door to see a staircase, and a hallway besides it. I was pretty sure that Ville lived upstairs.

I climbed up the dusty staircase, which led to one hallway with doors on both sides of it. The hall was filthy, and the doors were made of wood that was splintering.

I walked up the hallway, looking at the doors. Suddenly, I reached one that had the word VALO on it, as if Ville had carved it with a knife.

I smiled and knocked on the door. I heard footsteps and Ville answered. He looked so fuckin' sexy. He was all in black and has a black beanie on. Just the way I liked him.

Ville went wide-eyed when he saw me.

"Hi Ville!" I said.

Ville just opened the door, gesturing me to come in. I walked in the apartment. The room that I was now in was the living room. A dull light was on, as well as the TV, and the place stunk of used cigarettes.

"Nice crib." I said.

"Crib?" asked Ville, closing the door behind me.

I smiled. It was so cute how it wasn't familiar with American sayings.

Cute? Wow, Bam You've really gone over the edge.

"It's another word for house, remember?" I asked.

"Oh that's right." said Ville. "What brings you here?"

"I wanted to see you. I haven't seen you in forever."

Ville just looked at me.

"Sit." he said, pointing to the dark blue velvet couch.

I sat down and Ville sat on a recliner that was next to a cluttered table that was next to the couch.

Ville opened a new box of cigarettes and pulled one out. He took his lighter from the table and lit the cigarette. He put the lighter down.

"So are we still in a fight?" I asked.

Ville took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled.

"We are in a fight?" he asked.

"I don't know." I said. "You weren't talking to me."

Ville just shrugged. It had never been this weird between us.

Ville took another drag of his cigarette.

"I've missed you." he said. "Nothing interesting ever happens when you aren't around."

"What'da ya mean? You just put out a kick-ass album! How was Projekt Rev, by the way?" I asked.

"Boring. No one talked to me."

"Aww. My poor Willa Walo." I said.

I took that opportunity to go over and dive on his lap.

"Ow!" said Ville.

"Sorry!"

I gave him a huge hug.

"Bam, your head is gonna catch on fire." said Ville.

I looked at him and took his cigarette between my teeth, yanked it out of his hand, and spit it on the rug.

"Hey!" said Ville isn a cute voice.

I smiled.

"Hug me Ville!" I said.

Ville hugged me.

"Wow Bam. You've changed. You're all cuddly." said Ville.

"Only when I'm around you." I said.

Ville blushed and I kissed his forehead. I've always done that. Even in front of fans. It was more than casual to me, though.

"I smell smoke." said Ville.

"No shit, Vill. I just threw your-" I started.

"No, look!"

I looked at the rug and a small fire had started.

"No problem-o. We can use it as a campfire. Got any marshmallows?" I asked.

Ville giggled.

"No, I don't." he said. "Seriously, Bam. Put it out. I'll get evicted if it ruins the rug."

I sighed and got off him, took an open can of beer from the table next to the couch and recliner and poured it over the fire, and it went out.

Ville stood up from his chair to reach for anther cigarette, but I grabbed the box from him before he could.

"No more today." I said.

"Come on, Bammi!" whined Ville like a child.

"Nope."

I walked to the window, opened it, and flung the pack out the window.

Before I knew it, Ville had tackled me to the ground. At first I thought he was serious, but I soon realized that he was joking. I liked having Ville on top of me, so I didn't fight back. Ville noticed.

"Giving up already?" he asked.

"Yup." I said.

Ville got off of me, and we stood up.

"Why'd you stop?" I asked.

"It's no use if you don't fight back." said Ville. "What, do you like having me on top of you or something?"

"Hellz yeah!"

I meant it, but I think Ville thought it was a joke. He just looked at me. He was so hot, I just wanted to rip off his pants.

"So, Ville." I said. "What have you done to make this apartment officially yours? Have you peed on the rugs yet?"

Ville giggled.

"Nope."

"Aww. That's no fun You need to have an initiation for this apartment. Name one article of furniture."

"Um...That China closet in the dining room."

I looked in the next room at the China closet, which was filled with nothing but empty bottles of beer.

"Christ, Ville. Do you have a museum of beer over here or something?" I asked, walking over to it.

Ville just giggled yet again.

"It's not all mine." he said.

"May I?" I asked.

Ville nodded.

I took the China closet and pushed the whole thing forward, causing it to fall on the table, which split in half, and the broken glass went flying everywhere from both the bottles, and the glass window. Not to mention the loud BOOM!

"Yes!" I yelled, throwing my arms in the air.

Ville just laughed.

"This apartment is now officially yours." I said.

There was a frantic knock on the door.

Ville had a nervous expression as he ran to the door and opened it.

Some man came in, screaming in Finnish. I only recognized a few words, all of which were curse words that Ville has taught me.

Ville tried to calm the man down, but he kept yelling and pointing at the fallen closet. Then I heard him say my name, so he knew that I was the one who had done it.

"Bammi, he says you have to leave." said Ville.

"What? No! I just got here!" I exclaimed.

"Bammi, he says if you don't he can have you banned from the country."

"No he can't!"

"Yes he can, Bam! Believe me!"

The man kept yelling, and I didn't want Ville to get in trouble, so I turned to leave. The guy started to push me out.

"I LOVE YOU!" Ville called.

My eyes widened and I looked back at Ville.

"I LOVE YOU TOO!" I called back.

--

I was back on a plane to the U.S. It didn't bother me that I had gotten chased out of the apartment. I was just pissed that I had to leave Ville. Then I got a bit sad. I wanted to be with him.

I was glad, though, that he said he loved me. Maybe he felt the same way that I did. Why else would he get mad when he thought I was getting married for real?

I yawned and stretched I reached up and pressed the button for service.

A guy around the age of twenty-five came over. His name tag said "Bill".

"Hey Bill." I said. "Can I have a piece of cake or something?"

"Sure. What kind?" Bill asked.

"I don't care. Any kind."

"Okay."

Bill left and soon came back with a piece of carrot cake.

"Okay, anything but that. That shit is nasty."

"I thought you said you didn't care." said Bill.

"Well I do. Forget the cake. Can I have a thing of potato chips?"

"Sure."

Bill left and I took out my I-Pod. I started listening to HIM.

Bill soon came back and handed me a bag of chips.

"Thanks." I said.

"You're welcome." said Bill, walking away.

I opened the bag and took a chip out. I started chewing on it, but it was gross.

I stopped my I-pod and spit it out. It went on the foor and on the back of the seat in front of me.

I pushed the button again.

Bill came over.

"What happened here?" he asked. "Do you need a bib?"

"Dude, this is fuckin' disgusting! This shit is stale! Don't you people check the expiration dates on these things?"

Bill took the bag from me.

"Can I get an iced tea to wash it down?" I asked.

"Yeah, okay."

Bill left and I started listening to my I-Pod again.

"Hold me like you held on to life, when all fears came alive and into me." I sang softly to myself. "Love me like you loved the sun, scorching the blood in my Vampire Heart. Oh I'll hold and love you alright, Ville."

I laughed at my comment. I was turning into a love-sick softie, and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

By the time I was done thinking, my favorite part of the song came on.

"I am the madman waking you up from the dream of a dream of love".

Singing that turned me on, so I switched out of it and found Venus Doom under my other HIM music. I banged my head to the opening guitar part after hearing Ville's hot breath. Then, Bill showed up.

I paused the song and he handed me the iced tea.

"Thanks." I said, putting it in the cup holder.

"Uh-huh." said Bill glumly.

"Hey! Don't be that way! Service with a smile, Bill!"

Bill put on a fake smile and walked away.

I kept listening to the song.

"Hold me inside your infernal offering, touch, me as I fall down. Lose yourself in the suffering, yes. Hold on. Hold me inside your infernal offering, touch, me as I fall down. Lose yourself in the suffering, yes. Hold on...To me."

Singing that turned me on once again, as Ville sounded so hot in that voice.

I took a sip of my drink and it stung my entire tongue.

I pushed the button frantically.

"What is it now?" asked Bill.

"This is fuckin' freezing!" I exclaimed.

"It's supposed to be cold. It's iced tea!"

"Well it isn't supposed to be this cold!"

"Dude, what's your problem?" asked Bill.

"I don't have a problem!" I exclaimed. "If I could converse with food, I would ask what it's problem is!"

Bill raised an eyebrow at my weird comment.

"Dude, leave me alone, okay." I said. "I just got thrown out of an apartment."

"Gee, I wonder why." muttered Bill, walking way.XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

I looked down at the couch from the top of the stairs. Then I jumped all the way down onto it.

"Ow!" I screamed.

My leg now was killing me, but the jump was worth it.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I yelled.

The door opened, and there stood Ville.

"Ville!" I exclaimed happily, standing up. Then I fell because my knee gave out.

"Oh my gosh, Bammi!" yelled Ville, shutting the door and running over to me.

Ville helped me up.

"You okay, love?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said. "I just jumped from the top of the stairs to the couch."

"Why would you do that?"

"'Cuz I'm awesome."

Ville smiled and we sat down.

Ville looked really hot.

"I came to see you." said Ville.

"No, really?" I asked.

Ville smiled.

"Really." he said.

"Awesome." I said. "I wish you would've called first, though. I look like shit right now."

"No you don't. You look hot."

"Aww thanks. So do you."

I couldn't contain myself any longer. I leaned over and started kissing Ville on the lips.

Ville kissed back and we wrapped our arms around each other as we kissed.

I slid my tongue in Ville's mouth.

Suddenly...

"BAM!"

Ville and I stopped, and saw Ape and Phil, who had let themselves in my house.

"Hi, Phil and Ape!" I exclaimed, now extremely happy.

Ape fainted and fell on the floor.

I started laughing..

"Bam!" Phil scolded. "That's not funny! Now come over here and help your Mother up!"

"Why don't you help her out? She's your wife! 'Sides, she's fainted."

I looked out the window to see what looked like a big tub of lard running across my lawn towards my house.

"VITO!" I yelled excitedly.

Vito came huffing and puffing into my house. He was all red and out of breath. He saw Ape on the floor and purposely threw himself on my floor.

"Oh my God!" Phil exclaimed.

The big bang woke Ape up, apparently.

She was looking around the room.

"Where am I?" she asked.

By now, Ville and I were practically in a coma laughing.

"Ville, call the cops!" I said. "Tell them that two hippos escaped from the zoo and are in my house!"

"Now that is quite enough, Bam!" scolded Phil. "Help your Mother up NOW!"

I sighed and walked over and helped Ape up, and then Vito.

"What is the matter, Don?" Phil asked Vito.

"Bam fusckoin- sedfdtnt!" Vito yelled in his own language that no one could ever understand.

"He doesn't speak Vito." I said to Vito, referring to my Dad. "Anyway, how was your little date?"

Vito kept yelling in his weird undecipherable language.

"He's prolly here to complain about what I did the other night." I said. "I set him up to go to restaurant with a drag queen."

"We'll talk about that later." said Ape, recovering herself from her faint. "What I want to talk about now is what we just saw."

"What about it?" I asked. "Isn't Bam Margera, professional skateboarder-slash-bad-ass, allowed to be in love?"

"You are, Bam, but with VILLE?!"

"You know that I'm bi, Mom. Don't ask so surprised. I have been in love with Ville for a long time, and I'm sick of hiding it. It was starting to kill me how much I'm in love with him."

Ville smiled.

"Now get out, all of you!" I exclaimed, ushering my screaming parents and Vito out the door.

I shout the door and locked it.

I turned around and pulled Ville into my room.

"You're in love with me?" Ville asked.

"Yes Ville, I am." I said.

I pushed him against the wall and kissed him with so much passion, it made him moan.

When we were done, Ville looked at me in the eyes.

"I'm in love with you too, Bammi." he said. "That's why I was so mad when I thought you were getting married for real. All of the love songs from HIM were written for you."

"Aww. That's sweet Vill. I am so in love with you. I'm not even joking. I was hoping that you felt the same way."

I kissed Ville again.

"But Bammi," said Ville when we were done, "you need to stop being a softie. It's kind of scaring me."

"And you need to wash your clothes. You reek of smoke."

Ville smirked.

"Well, aren't you going to ask me out?" I asked.

"No, you need to ask me. You're the one who started kissing me and stuff." said Ville.

"Well, I won't ask you. I'll tell you. Ville Valo, you are now my boyfriend."

Ville smiled and we kissed.

"Well, we'll have to make this relationship official, just like you did to my apartment." said Ville. "We have to go destroy stuff."

"Yeah," I said, running my hand along his face, "or we could just fuck."

Ville smiled and kissed my lips and I returned the kiss.

"Yeah." he said. "That works."