Who Are You? Are You My Savior?

I had two more days left with the guys and I still haven’t told them about my mother. I keep chickening out. I don’t know why I feel compelled to tell them but I do and I won’t feel okay until I do.

We were all sitting in my living room talking about things that really had no significance what so ever. We somehow ended up on the topic of Batman and Johnny and I were in a heated debate. Nick and Brad were smartly staying out of it.

“Batman is really fucking stupid,” Johnny scoffs.

I just rolled my eyes, “Johnny you have no right to talk. You know Batman can kick your ass.”

“That’s so not true!” he said jumping up from his seat on the sofa. He was so close to hitting his shins on the coffee table. Oh if only.

“Well if Batman can’t then she can,” Brad interjected.

That made me giggle because it was true. And just as Johnny was about to reply with a wonderful comeback Nick cut him off, “Hey Fallon, who’s this in the picture with you?”

I looked at the picture he was holding and it was one of me and my mom taken just a couple weeks before she was killed. I felt the tears welling up and it felt like my chest was being crushed by bricks. I don’t know why Nick asking about her brought on all of these feelings.

“Oh, that’s my mom,” I replied trying not to let the tears fall.

I notice Brad cock his head to the side, “Where were you, a fucking rave? There are lasers and shit in the background.”

He was pretty close actually, “About that… we were at a Vampires Everywhere! Concert. One of the many bands we both liked. She wanted to prove to her book club that she went to concerts and with me.”

They all looked pretty stunned to say the least. What are most moms not like that? “Your mom sounds really cool. We have to meet her!” Brad’s little exclamation broke my heart. I wanted them to meet her, but that just isn’t possible. I guess I just found a good time to tell them.

“Uh…you really can’t meet her, well you can but not like physically anyway,” I mumble looking at the ground. My throat was starting to close up from unshed tears.

I felt Nick hug me, “Shh, it’s going to be okay,” he whispered to me, “Everything is going to be okay. You’ve got us.”

“Thank you,” I whispered back to him. I honestly don’t know what I was thanking him for, but I felt the need to. “So do you remember how Nick met me while working?” I continued loud enough for everyone to hear, “Well that was about three months after I found my mother murdered. So, I’ve been battling my demons everyday but I’m slowly getting better. And it’s all thanks to you guys.”

Looks of shock and sympathy mixed on their faces. It’s to be expected though after dropping a bomb like that. I just hope the part about them helping me would sink in.
Should I ask them to come with me to the cemetery? I thought to myself. I mean I do want them to meet her. “So you said you wanted to meet her, well I can arrange that,” I said not really looking at any of them.

“O-okay…” came their shaky replies.

~*~*~*~*~

“Are you sure about this?” Johnny asked for about the hundredth time. We were standing outside of the cemetery and I had told him countless times before he didn’t have to come if he didn’t want to. I guess he was just making sure I was okay with this.

I just nodded my head in reply to Johnny’s question. I was afraid to speak, afraid my voice would crack. I grabbed Nick’s hand and linked my other arm through Brad’s. I just needed to know they were there. As we were walking I could feel a lump in my throat forming, and it just continued to grow as I lead them down the hauntingly familiar path.

The closer we got the harder it got to hold back the sobs. I hadn’t let a tear fall yet, but I knew they were coming soon because we were only feet from my mother. As soon as we stopped in front of her grave I collapsed to my knees and the sobs racked my body and ripped through my chest. The breakdown had begun. I could feel my tears leaving little rivers down my cheeks, undoubtedly stained black from my make-up. It didn’t really matter at the moment though.

I soon felt three sets of arms tightly wrapped around my shaking frame. I calmed down a little bit. I knew they were there for me and that I could count on them. They were breaking down my walls, slowly but surely.