Diamond in the Rough

Looming shadows cast by russet canyon walls surrounded the sports car as it made it way down the winding desert road. James’s hand gripped the steering wheel as his hazel eyes tried to focus on the road ahead of him, but he found himself becoming increasingly distracted by the girl in his peripheral vision.

Her arm was propped against the door, her cheek resting in the palm of her hand as two brown eyes gazed blankly at the dashboard.

”Why can’t you be like my waterpik shower massager: a sweet, reliable machine? And to tell the truth, I don’t feel less alone; a water massager’s the purest love I’ve ever known.”

A sweet, reliable machine. That was what she wanted, but wasn’t that exactly what James had molded himself to be?

He had been nothing but good to her, with some blind devotion that he himself didn’t even know he was capable of giving. He embodied reliability. When her best friend had flown the coast, leaving her with no way to make rent, James had moved her into the apartment he shared with Logan.

Autum had insisted they were rushing things at the time, and maybe they had been, but James was determined not to let this girl slip through his fingers.

Maybe he should’ve let her go. Losing Autum to the east coast would’ve been easier than this wrenching in his chest he was experiencing now.

So he fired back with words he didn’t really mean, anything to make her feel the pain that he felt.

”Why can’t you be like an art house foreign movie: frank and sexy, with red balloons and ennui, and allude to me? Why can’t you be a little more of a mystery?”

But she did allude to him in every way possible, emotionally, mentally, and physically. With her feathery brunette bob, bronzed skin, and pursed lips, she was his visualization of sexy. When his eyes fell upon glossy pictures of actresses like Scarlett Johansson and Blake Lively strutting across the red carpet in waiting room magazines, he couldn’t help but think that they had nothing on Autum.

She was the one he confided in, regardless of what the situation was. His best friend and his lover all wrapped up in one beautiful package, but lately, they’d become distant. She wanted to fly the coast as well, return home where she belonged. She was fed up and frustrated with working a job in a sleazy sports bar where horny middle-aged men ogled her chest and tried to get her phone number when the night was over. This wasn’t what she had come to Hollywood for, and as the months rolled by, she began to lose sight of everything.

The only thing keeping her there was James.

”Why can’t you be that part of me that’s missing?”

Her words hung in the air, nothing but conviction and desperation behind them. Though James was everything she’d ever wanted in a partner, she still felt that gaping hole inside of her. She was beginning to believe that there wasn’t anything wrong with James; there was something wrong with her.

And James wasn’t enough to keep her there anymore, even with his uplifting smile and the way he made every rotten thing in her life seem like it was going to be okay. She was building her whole world around him, losing herself in the process.

James felt that same hole opening up inside of him, that empty feeling of being incomplete. He wanted to go back to the way things were before everything had gotten so complicated and relieve them over and over again, like his favorite song stuck on replay.

But that was impossible, they were both different people now, yet he still felt this drive to want to make things work out. He couldn’t imagine himself being without her. If Autum wasn’t a part of his life, he knew that he’d just crumble from the inside-out.

It was both empowering and weakening to have that sort of love for someone, to need them on a cellular level like the air that you breathed.

With a halfhearted sigh, he evaded her question with a question.

”Why can’t you be like the chicks out on the road? Some girls are happy just to see me, but you’ve got moxie and a broken nose.”

As soon as the words left his mouth and he heard his voice say those sharp words to the one he loved, James immediately wished he could take them back.

In the bottom of his heart, he didn’t want Autum to be a groupie. Those girls may have been ecstatic to see him perform and be close enough to touch him, but they weren’t infatuated with him, they were in love with the illusion of him, the James Maslow they had built up in their minds.

Autum loved him for the person that he was, and though she was only one person, he’d choose her love over the love of thousands of adoring fans in a heartbeat because only her love was true.

The cerulean glow of the radio dials played across her features, illuminating her high cheekbones and the strong slope of her nose.

He watched as her lips parted in exasperation.

”Can we…just leave it be? We could live…our lives…separately. Could you forget what happens to you…to you and me?”

But in all honesty, she didn’t want to live a life away from James. In the back of her mind, she thought that things would be perfect if he would go back home with her. Without the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles and its distractions, it would be easier for them to work on their relationship. But his career had his feet stuck in cement, stuck out on Hollywood Boulevard, and there was nothing she could do or say that would change that fact.

”What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with you and me?”

There was a sick desperation in the young man’s voice as he struggled to comprehend what was happening to them. A lock of shaggy chestnut hair fell in his eyes, and a hand immediately strayed from the steering wheel to brush it away.

His heart pounded in his chest as his foot pressed down on the accelerator, eliciting a roar from the car’s engine.

In that moment, the realization hit Autum.

”I keep provoking you to leave me.”

It wasn’t something that she was proud of, or something that she even wanted, but it was a behavior that had arisen over the past few weeks. Nothing big, just small gestures like not returning a text or turning a cold shoulder to him in bed. It was all part of the process of distancing herself from him. She didn’t want to have to depend on him anymore; that wasn’t the way she was raised.

Silence passed between the two as James sped down the highway. Autum couldn’t help but notice that the stars were beautiful that night, accompanied by a skinny crescent moon tilted in the sky. This night could’ve been perfect if they would’ve allowed it.

The sound of her Southern drawl sliced through the silence as she tried to piece together her thoughts.

”Why can’t you be like a candle I can snuff? You’re still a diamond in through, and I swear to God, I’ve had enough.”

“How can I call your bluff?”

Autum didn’t have an answer to his question.