Numb

I followed my best friend, Aubrey, into the empty bedroom of the house we were in, and locked the door behind us. Her hand instantly dove into her purse, and I smiled as she pulled out the pill box that I saw nearly every day. She tipped a pink pill onto her hand before handing me the box so I could make my selection. I grabbed the small yellow tablet, a Batman symbol engraved on it, before snapping the box closed, and placing the pill on my tongue.

“Doug said this would last for almost 3 and a half hours,” she said making sure to hold the pill under her tongue.

“Which will make this party even better,” I said doing the same, “It’s pure Molly, right?”

“I think it’s cut with a little coke,” she said knitting her eyebrows together, “But who cares, let’s go have the time of our lives.”

I smiled, starting to feel the euphoric state I had grown to love, and walked out of the room while adjusting my oversized dress shirt. It was Halloween, and I had decided to go dressed as Tom Cruise from Risky Business. I had on a baggy white button down, tube socks, extremely short black booty shorts, and a bright red bra. I wasn’t completely sure what Aubrey was supposed to be, but her outfit consisted of hardly any clothing, and some high heels.

“Drinks?” I asked as we walked down the stairs to rejoin everyone.

She nodded, swaying to the music playing through the house, and I followed suit as we sauntered into the bright kitchen. I immediately pulled my wayfarers over my eyes, and let Aubrey walk ahead so I could make my grand entrance. I slightly jogged, before letting my sock clad feet slide against the wood floors of the kitchen. I ended up halfway to my destination, when I lost footing and fell right on my ass.

“Are you okay?” a random party goer asked causing me to laugh.

“Perfectly fine!” I said with a giggle as I accepted his hand to stand up, “Now, I need my friend a good stiff drink.”

“Already have them poured,” she said handing me a cliché red cup, “Now let’s go dance, I need too.”

I nodded, understanding her needs, and grabbed her hand leading her to the dance floor, aka the living room. A house song I had heard many times before had just started, and the two of us were instantly in our zone. My body felt extremely light, and I couldn’t be happier with how I felt, or how many people were joining in on our dancing. I was in the middle of dancing with some guy, when I heard hoots and hollers from around the front door. I whipped my head to the side, and pushed off the guy as I saw the familiar face I had been longing to see.

“JOHN!” I said pushing past people and throwing my arms around him.

“Delaney!” he said picking me up and twirling me, “I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you too!” I said as he sat me down, “And I didn’t know you’d be here tonight! Let’s get a drink and catch up.”

Without waiting for an answer, I grabbed his hand and drug him to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of beer from one of the coolers, and waited as he mixed a drink of his own. I rewrapped my fingers around his wrist, and pulled him out into the backyard. I barely noticed the goosbumps that had popped up on my legs, and pulled him down onto the grass so we could sit.

“You okay there? You went down pretty hard,” he said as he pulled his legs under him.

“I sat down normally,” I said shaking my head, “But yes, I’m okay. Now the real question is, how are you? And how was tour?”

“Amazing,” he said smiling as he sipped his drink, “I did miss everyone here though, even if I did have half of my friends on tour with me. How was everything around here these past few months.”

“Wonderful,” I said falling onto my back and kicking my legs up, “Euphoric, you could say.”

I moved my legs around almost awkwardly, thinking they were dancing with the stars, causing John to give me a concerned look. I ignored him, attempting to take a sip of my beer, and laughing as it dribbled down my neck instead.

“What are you on, Delaney?” John asked taking my bottle from me, “And don’t say ‘nothing’, I know you took something.”

“Just some Molly,” I said still moving my legs around, “I just wanted to have a good time, and look at me, I am!”

“Goddammit,” he said pulling me up to a sitting position, “You said you would never do that shit again. What made you do it?”

“Calm down bro, you’re being a buzz kill,” I said trying to break his grasp, “And if you must know, I take it because I like the feeling. I like that I can’t feel anything but euphoria, it’s a nice change.”

“From what? Feeling normal?” he said causing me to get angry.

“You don’t know my life, John,” I spat as I stood up and wobbled, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find my real friends, who know me, and support my life.”

“There is no way I’m letting you walk away like this,” he said grabbing me again, “We’re going back to my place, don’t even argue. You’ll be sleeping off this high.”

“Unlikely,” I said scoffing.

He ignored me, and lead me out the back gate so I didn’t have a chance to escape into the crowd. I walked on my tiptoes next to him, ignoring what he was saying into his phone, and swayed the whole way to his car. Once he had me buckled in, and had the car started, I put my window down, and let my hand float through the air as he drove to the apartment he shared with his band mate, Josh.

“Dance with me, John,” I said as I stopped halfway up the walk to his door.

“No, not out here,” he said pulling me more, “We can dance inside, I’ll put some music on.”

I gave him a questioning look, but didn’t stop him from pulling me into the unit, and locking the door behind us. I followed him into his bedroom, vaguely remembering it from the few times I had been over, and fell onto his bed as I waited for him to turn on the music he had promised.

“Did you know that I love you?” I asked as I pulled my socks off.

“I love you too,” he said shooting me a smile, “Now does this work for you to dance to?”

I nodded, recognizing the top 40 hit, and hopped to the floor so I could dance. I pulled his body close to mine, not caring about personal boundaries, and pressed myself firmly against him. I lost myself in the music, and it took me a while to realize that he had stopped dancing and disappeared from the room. I shrugged, suddenly feeling hot, and unbuttoned my shirt while tossing it to the side. I could feel the effects wearing off, the tiredness and depression hitting my body, and decided it was time to call it a night.

I crawled onto John’s bed, ignoring that he had reentered the room, and pulled his thin comforter over my body. He kicked his shoes off, and turned off his lights, before crawling into the spot next to me, but on top of the covers. I could feel his eyes scanning over the outline of my body, making me self-conscious, before he spoke the words I was dreading.

“What happened to you Del?” he said in a barely audible whisper while tracing the protruding vertebrae of my spine.

I didn’t bother to answer him, knowing it would only cause me to break down, but faked being asleep, hoping he would drop it. His fingers left my back, and I heard him utter some words I couldn’t make out, before I felt him turn over, allowing me to try and get some really sleep.