Priceless

~~~

“Mom?”

Disbelief reigned in my voice as I walked inside my mom’s room, which was pretty much the reason of my shock. There was a mess of crumpled papers on the ground, and her clothes were also cluttered from her trolley. My gaze moved to her. She was sitting up on her bed, seemingly in deep thought. There were dark circles under her eyes which gave me the impression that she hadn’t slept all night long.

I walked towards her and she looked at me, her expression neutral. Cautiously, I sat on her bed and edged closer to her, engulfing her in a hug. It took a minute before she finally hugged me back, and at that moment I wanted to cry for my mother; but of course I knew better than that. I had to be strong now.

“I just—I just need more time,” she said with a sniff, removing her arms from me. “I’m going to be okay.”

“We can talk about it, you know,” I suggested softly. “We can—”

“That’s not how it works, Bailey,” she said, edging away from me and standing up. “I don’t need to talk it out—I’ll be fine. Just get out of here, please.”

Her words kind of surprised me, honestly. “But Mom—”

“Why don’t you go explore New York? Just go and buy stuffs that you want. I’ll be okay here,” she said, cutting me off.

“But—”

“For God’s sakes, I am not going to kill myself, Bailey Elizabeth,” she snapped, facing me, her face contorted in anger. “I just want a few hours to myself. Is that too much to ask?”

I knew better than to snap back, Then why did you even ask me to come with you? but I wouldn’t deny contemplating asking that. I mean, there was just this small part of me that wanted to get mad at my mother for not opening up to me. I honestly wanted to make her feel better; but wouldn’t that happen if she let her guard down for a minute and share her pain with me?

“Just go get my card from my bag,” she said, her voice calmer this time. Giving up, I moved out of the bed and did as she said, then made my way out of her room. I ran to mine and bathed for a while, and while I was in there I had nothing but my family in my mind. It was the first time my mother and I was spending our holidays...like this. I had the feeling we weren’t going back until the first week of January, which meant the annual New Year Party at the Fitzgerald’s wouldn’t happen. It didn’t really bum me out, because it wasn’t fun anyway. I was just sort of sad that this was happening, and not knowing what would happen next kinda killed me. I had no idea if Mom would let this pass, or...what if she filed for divorce? What if the media found out?

I sighed deeply. It was the 22nd of December, and I already new my Christmas was going to be far from merry.

~~~

At least she’s making progress, I thought to myself as Mom and I ate dinner at the hotel, both seated on the couch and watching The Hangover on HBO. I kept on stealing glances at her while we ate, but her face never broke into a smile nor had I heard her laugh for the past ten minutes we’d been watching. But at least, she was already eating. She had consumed nothing but water ever since we got here; but now, I could tell she was getting better.

It was Christmas Eve but I had the feeling she wanted to sleep early, and when she stood up from the couch I thought she was going to bed already, after leaving the dishes on the sink, but she actually came back to me and I was surprised at what she did.

“Merry Christmas, sweetie,” she said, kissing me on the cheek as she sat back beside me. I looked at her, surprised, and got even more surprised when she handed me a small box. She smiled at me slightly. “I’m going to sleep in a few and since I really don’t want to wait for the clock to strike 12, I’m giving you your gift now.”

It took me a few seconds before a smile finally found its way to my face. I took the box and moved closer, hugging her a little. She hugged me back quickly, and then pulled away. “Thanks, Mom,” I said as I opened the box. I took out the silver bracelet that was inside, where Bailey Elizabeth was engraved. I quickly decided to wear it on my left wrist, and then I looked up at her once again and pecked her cheek. “Thanks, Mom, this is beautiful,” I said, meaning it.

“I’m glad you like it,” she said, and I admired her look for a few seconds before her smile faded away. Her tone became serious as she said, “I’m sorry I had to bring you along, though...and make your holidays sad.” She put a hand to my cheek and sighed, and for a minute my mind was blown. Did she just...did she just apologize to me?

“It’s okay, Mom, it’s not sad. I feel good being here with you,” I said, smiling at her reassuringly. “I left your present in Arizona, though. I forgot to bring it along,” I added sheepishly.

“I don’t mind, sweetie.”

And for a second I felt like I had a connection with her as I looked into her sad eyes. Staring into them, I felt like she was apologizing again, and I almost felt like telling her everything I had kept from my family.

But then I quickly retracted as she looked away and moved her hand from my cheek, and I could tell the moment was over.

“Well, I’ll be going to bed now,” she said, standing up from the couch and walking to her room. “Don’t stay up too late, sweetheart.” She smiled slightly at me once more before entering her room, and then I heard the door shut and I was alone.

I stared at my left wrist for a few moments, at her gift, wondering what would have happened if I just told her. Would she accept it? Would she yell at me? Would she disown me? Other thoughts entered my mind and I wanted to suddenly call Erin and cry; but decided against it, since I didn’t want to ruin her Christmas or what.

I finally decided to just continue watching and free myself from the sadness that I was feeling, and filled my brain with thoughts of how hot Bradley Cooper was.

I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep on the couch; not until my phone started ringing directly onto my ear. Last thing I remembered, I was watching The Uninvited which came after The Hangover; now it was Harry Potter that was on. I grabbed my phone, not bothering to see who was calling.

“Hello?” I said sleepily into it.

“Whoa, you were asleep?”

His voice made me sit up right away, and I cursed myself for forgetting he existed. How could I? I remembered texting Stephen for the past few days, but my boyfriend, I ignored?

“Alex, hey,” I said, feeling really bad deep inside.

“Hey to you too,” he said, and I could hear a smile from his voice. “Merry Christmas! I wanted to greet you as soon as the clock hit 12.”

I glanced at the clock, and it was nearing 3 AM. “You’re 3 hours late, actually,” I said, “but Merry Christmas to you, too.”

“You’re not in Arizona?” he sounded surprised. Of course he was. Why wouldn’t he be? I didn’t tell him about flying to New York. I had basically forgotten about him since we got here, and it wasn’t like he contacted me anyway.

“Yeah, we’re in New York,” I replied. “Spending the holidays here. I’m sorry I forgot to tell you, it was kind of sudden.”

“It’s alright,” he said quickly, and that surprised me. How was it alright? “I thought you were mad at me, though. You weren’t replying to any of my texts.”

“I didn’t get any texts from you,” I said honestly. “I’m not mad. I was just kind of preoccupied the past few days.”

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, sounding concerned. I bit my lip, wondering if I should tell him.

“It’s...uhh...” I paused and sighed. “I don’t really wanna talk about it right now. When it’s all figured out, maybe I’ll tell you.”

“Bailey...” He stopped for a moment, and I was actually scared of the next things he would say. What if he already felt I wasn’t into him? It would make things easy for me, but I really didn’t know what would happen next. I mean, I wasn’t sure if there was gonna be a Stephen and me if Alex and I broke up.

And God, how could I even think about Stephen at this point? I was talking to Alex, for fuck’s sakes.

“You know I’m here for you, right?” he said, and I mentally heaved a relieved sigh.

“Yes, I do, Alex. I just...I’ll probably tell you when I get back. Just not now,” I said firmly.

“Okay.” He paused for a moment, and I heard someone speak in the background. After a few moments he started talking again. “Well, I have to go and celebrate with the family now. I’ll see you when you get back. Miss you.”

“Miss you too,” I said quickly, not even sure if I meant those words. “Take care.”

Before I could even set my phone down, there was a text, and I eagerly pressed read as soon as I saw who it was from.

I wanted to call you, but I remembered it’s 3 AM there and I’m not sure if you’re awake. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I love your gift so much! Really, you’re so fucking awesome. I’ll take care of these Ryan Adams Vinyl records as long as I live! Garrett’s kind of jealous, haha. Miss you so much, Bailey. Call me when you can!

I hated the fact that I could even smile that big and blush as well upon reading Stephen’s text, even after talking to my boyfriend. But I hated more the fact that I considered calling him so I could hear his voice. Luckily, I managed to control myself and so I put my phone down, and just laid back on the couch, turning the TV off with the remote. I’d probably just text him back when I woke up and pretend I was asleep when he’d texted. Yeah, it would at least lessen the guilt.

I sighed, closing myself and drifting back to sleep once again, silencing my Stephen thoughts and ignoring the butterflies in my stomach that were still hung up on that simple text.

~~~