Priceless

“Bailey, what are we?”

My stomach flipped and my heart started pounding loud and hard, I was almost sure he could hear it. I opened my mouth but then closed it again, not sure what to say. I couldn’t exactly tell him what we were; because honestly, I didn’t know. All I knew was that I loved him, but did he feel the same for me?

Wait up, Bailey. Love. Maybe it was too early to put it that way. What if this was just a crush that got way out of hand? What if this was only temporary? What if this was only that spur-of-the-moment thing? These were the questions my mind was throwing at me, and the way that my heart was beating fast made me come to the conclusion that it wasn’t agreeing with my better judgment.

At that point, I just got confused more than ever. Alex crossed my mind, and that was when I realized that I shouldn’t be doing this. I disentangled myself from him slowly and took a few steps back.

“I have a boyfriend, Stephen,” I blurted out, and watched as his expression changed. His eyes fell and he removed his hands from my waist, and shoved them into his jeans’ pocket.

“Okay,” he said in a broken voice, and it killed me. “I’m sorry. I just—” His eyes met mine and I read them; he was hurt...like he got rejected or something. “I just thought—”

“I mean, just not now, Stephen,” I said quickly, realizing how my earlier statement sounded like I was basically saying I didn’t want him. “I mean—I have a lot of things to think about right now...there’s you, there’s this...there’s this relationship with Alex, and then the thing with my parents...and I can’t even decide what I think is better, if they divorce or stay together. I’m—I’m just confused...and I can’t...I can’t tell you right now...what—”

“Okay, just—” He cut me off and paused, but then sighed and looked down at the cement we were stepping in. “It was selfish of me to ask that right now. I’m sorry.”

I didn’t say anything. A long silence came after that, one that was awkward. I started toying with my hands nervously, not sure what to do. I wasn’t expecting him to ask that. And I didn’t expect either that I would be acknowledging what I felt for him as “love”.

“Look, can we just forget for now that I asked that? I want to turn this night back to how perfect it was moments ago, before I ruined it.” He looked up at me and smiled awkwardly, “Do you mind?”

I smiled back at him for two reasons; I wanted to set it aside as well, and who would be able to resist him, really? “You didn’t ruin anything, Stephen,” I assured him. “But okay, let’s forget it.”

“Good. And Bails?”

“Yeah?”

His smile turned sort of sheepish this time, as he reached out and took my hand in his. I felt tingly all over as he pulled me closer, and then squeezed my hand. I looked up at him and stared into his eyes that seemed to gaze lovingly into mine. “I’m glad I shared that midnight kiss with you.”

I felt myself smiling, but didn’t bother answering. I just pulled him into a hug, silently telling myself I had to break up with Alex when I got back. I knew it was for the better.

~~~

I woke up telling myself that last night didn’t happen; that Stephen wasn’t in New York, that we didn’t share a midnight kiss, and that he didn’t end up walking me back to my hotel room and saying goodbye with a light kiss on the cheek that made me feel dizzy, but the moment I saw his gift to me, I accepted the fact that it really did happen. I sighed, trying to push thoughts of him onto the back of my mind as I tried to focus on what was more important: my parents.

I sat up and decided to ask my mom about what she wanted to do. I knew I deserved to be informed about it soon. I softened my hair before going out of my room.

I found my mom pacing around the living room, her phone on her ear. “Yes. I don’t want to talk to him...if he wants to talk to someone, it has to be you,” I heard her say. “I am very sure about this. Definitely. Yes. Thank you, Atty. Bradford. Yes. Okay. Bye.”

Attorney Bradford...so she was getting a divorce?

“Mom?” I said carefully as I walked into the living room. She seemed startled by my voice as she slightly jumped before turning to me. “Mom, are you...”

“Sweetheart,” she said and then gestured to the couch, “let’s talk.”

I followed as she proceeded to sit on the couch. She slightly faced me when I settled, and pursed her lips, which gave me the idea that she was searching for the right words. “Bailey...we’re getting a divorce,” she said, and I was surprised at her being point-blank. I expected her to have an intro or something, but I guess this was just my mother. “It’s...irritating—beyond irritating—to find that he’s been continuing their relationship for the past 8 years, and I know that if I let this pass once more, he will just repeat it over and over. So I’m stopping this once and for all. We’ll try to keep this down low as much as possible, but if ever the media finds out, I won’t keep the reason for the divorce.”

I nodded, fully accepting her words. But there was the pain tugging at my heart, and I couldn’t ignore it, to be honest. “Is he...is he moving in with them?”

She slightly tilted her head to the side. “Yes. He is. I wouldn’t answer his calls so he left me a voicemail and there he told me everything. As if it would matter.” She said the last few words with bitterness reigning through her voice. “I will start using my maiden name after the completion of the process, but it’s your choice to keep his surname or use mine. And I will also make you choose between staying with him or—”

“I’ll stay with you, Mom,” I quickly said, not thinking twice about it. “I’ll stay with you and I’ll have my surname changed to Campbell. I’m sure about this.”

She stared at me for a moment, like she was processing what I’d just said. “Bailey, you have to think this through. I want you to understand that this is not—”

“He’s been cheating on you for 8 years, Mom. He’s been cheating on us for 8 years, and he made me stop believing that wishes came true. The only thing I wanted on my 8th birthday was his presence, but he was away for some business trip that was actually an out-of-town celebration for his other daughter’s birthday, and he gave her the gift that was supposedly for me, too. But I forgave him—we both did, but now he ruined it again. I can’t live with that kind of person,” I said, my feelings suddenly getting the better of me. It was as if the feelings I had kept pent up for a long time was resurfacing, mainly because I hadn’t talked about it in a long time. I felt my fists ball up as I felt the anger once more; that anger I had kept intact for 8 years long. Well at first it was hurt, but as I grew it became anger, anger that I’d set aside because of my love and respect for him, despite the cheating and the things he made me do.

My mom was speechless for a second, and her mouth was gaped at me. Frustrated, I shut my eyes for a moment, but ended up opening them again and my mouth as well.

“I disregarded what he did. For 8 years, I set it aside, and loved and respected him. I obeyed him, despite it all, just to be the good, perfect daughter you both want, but then this—reality slaps me in the face once again and tells me that my family’s far from perfect, no matter how we try to hide that fact. All I have is a cheating father and a—”

I stopped right there. I didn’t need to tell her what I thought of her, at least not now. She was still hurt, I knew that; she was just trying to ignore it.

It was too late, though. She was looking at me already, obviously wanting me to continue.

“And a what, Bailey? What do you think of me?” she snapped, standing up, making it known to me that she was far more powerful than I was. I looked down on my hands and started thinking for the next words I would say, but there was a sudden mental block that came. In addition to that, my vision was getting blurry as well, thanks to the tears that were surfacing.

“I just—maybe you should open up at least to me, Mom,” I answered, keeping my voice low. “I understand if you think you need to keep your emotions from the media, and from everyone else, but you can’t shut me off forever.”

“Because you can actually understand me,” she scoffed. “You want me to open up to you, like you can ease the pain and make it go away, Bailey? You want that? You want me to bother you with senseless rants that run through my head everyday, you think you can handle that, Bailey?”

She wasn’t yelling; but her voice was poisonous, and louder than how she normally communicated with me. She was always so calm and collected all the time, but now she was showing me emotions. I couldn’t decide whether it was good or not.

“I just want to be there for you, Mom,” I said, my voice just above a whisper. “Especially right now that you’re obviously not okay. But—”

“I don’t need this talk right now. Just go to your room—”

“You can’t always tell me what to do, Mom, that’s what you’ve been doing my whole life, but it can’t go on forever!” I exclaimed, losing it. There were tears in my eyes as I stood up and faced her, trying to brave it off. She seemed fazed by the sudden breakdown I was having.

I was surprised, as well. To be honest, my own words were surprising me, as much as they were probably surprising her. I didn’t know where exactly I was coming from at the moment; maybe I was just tired of the shallow mother-relationship we had, maybe I was just overdue for a breakdown, or maybe I was just messed-up.

“We need to talk, Mom,” I said, now calming a little. “And I mean talk, like that deep kind of conversation. About everything, even just for once. Because I’m tired of this...this. I’m tired of you shutting me off, and leading my life. I’m just tired.”

Her lips pursed and her eyebrows shot up, and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, you want to talk? Okay,” she started, her voice still powerful and venomous, “Let’s start then. Why don’t you tell me about the boy you were with last night?”

I stood there stunned.