Priceless

“Alright, let’s go,” I said. His face lit up and he slid his hand into mine. He started pulling me away carefully, but I knew better than to go through the front door. I hauled him to the backyard, and he just followed, probably aware that I had this household memorized. When we crossed the low yard, I mentally noted that it was the first time I had done it without Erin.

“So, I’m assuming this is the path you and Erin always take when you sneak out?” he asked, as he led me to that car I’d known to be Josh’s.

“Yeah,” I answered and smiled thankfully at him when he yanked the door open for me. I got in and waited until he got into the driver’s seat before I spoke again. “So why are we using Josh’s car, by the way?” I asked.

“I really don’t use mine much,” he answered, starting the engine. “I just usually ride with John, or Josh, or whoever offers to come pick me.” He shrugged and then sent me a sideways smile.

He began driving away and it suddenly came to me that I had no idea where we were going. It was silent as each minute passed, the only noise inside the car was the radio, which was playing Stay Where I Can See You by The Starting Line.

Fifteen more minutes passed, and that was when I realized we were going to Scottsdale. I sat straighter this time and looked around, noticing that we were already in their neighbourhood.

“Are we going to your house?” I asked.

He laughed a little, probably at the sound of worry in my voice. “No,” he replied. “Just wait.”

And so I did. I kept shut until he parked at the dark side of the road, and for a second a few suspense and gory movies entered my mind because it looked like the perfect place to murder someone—there was grass, big trees, and it was dark.

“We’re here,” he announced.

I didn’t move. I peeked outside, worried that someone was already waiting by my side with a knife on his hand, ready to stab me to death.

“Bailey, come on.” He laughed and I turned to him, frowning.

“This is scary. Let’s just go back,” I suggested.

“No, we’re here, c’mon, get out,” he said, unbuckling my seatbelt but I tried to fight him off. “Bailey!” He laughed once more, but still managed to press the red button and I went strap-free as I glared at him.

“Seriously, do you want to kill me? Because—”

“This is a playground, for fuck’s sakes! It’s not that dark once we get out. It’s probably just because of the window’s tint. Or that big fucking tree right there on your side.”

I sighed and finally gave in, after all I knew he wasn’t gonna drive us back to Gilbert. I turned to the door, ready to open it, but then quickly turned back to him. “Okay, go first.”

He rolled his eyes at me before he got out of his seat and shut his door. He walked to my side and then opened the door himself. “See? It’s not that dark.”

It still was dark, but he was right, it wasn’t that dark. I could actually see my path now. Stephen locked the car’s doors and I waited until he began walking away. I followed him, now free from the fear I’d felt moments ago.

We walked a few more until the playground was visible. I could now make out the swings and the see-saws and the bars I didn’t see when I was still inside the car. The playground was illuminated by two lampposts, one of which was blinking already.

Stephen sat down on the swing, and then looked at me and smiled. He motioned to the other swing, seemingly telling me to do the same. I did, and swung my own self slowly back and forth, and he copied me.

“So,” I started, “why here?”

I looked at him and noticed that his smile had grown. He slightly bit his lip, making his eyes meet mine. “This...this is a special place to me.”

That simple sentence didn’t suffice to the explanation I wanted, but it made me smile. I knew that we were hanging out as pure friends, still I couldn’t help but feel tingly all over when he mentioned that this place was special to him.

“I come here a lot at nights, and just think. It’s pretty much my safe place,” he continued, then turned to me with a serious look on his face. “You’re the only one who knows that, okay? So if anybody else finds out, I’m going to blame you and only you.”

I laughed a little, “I’m not gonna say a thing.”

It was silent for a while but we continued to rock ourselves back and forth. I stared at my feet, just admiring the silence when suddenly he spoke again. “Bailey?” he called.

I didn’t glance at him. “Hmm?”

There was a long pause on his part. I still didn’t look up, I just waited for him to speak. “Do you...do you mind telling me more about your parents? Or your life in general. I just...I want to know more...if it’s okay with you,” he said carefully.

I held my breath for a while, slightly taken aback by his words, but honestly, I felt like really opening up to him. I felt safe around Stephen, there was no denying in that. He was easy to talk with.

“I mean, I understand if you don’t want to,” he quickly put in when I didn’t speak. “But—”

“No,” I interrupted as I turned to him with a small smile, “It’s okay.”

He nodded once, and just looked at me, as if waiting for me to start. I tore my eyes away from him, and brought them back to the ground. A sigh escaped my mouth as I slightly kicked a pebble on the ground.

“Remember that night at Jess’, when you asked me to make a wish?” I asked, not knowing how else to start. I didn’t wait for him to reply, though. “I didn’t want to. I told you wishes don’t come true. It’s because I really believe that they don’t. I’ve stopped believing that they did...I’ve stopped believing in wishes since I was 8.”

I slowed down my pace, but my eyes remained glued to the ground. “It was...it was close to the time Mom and I found out that my father had another family,” I said slowly. I didn’t bother looking at Stephen’s reaction, as I was slowly getting caught up in the story. “He...he was away a lot, when I was younger. He’d missed most of my birthdays, and just gave me expensive gifts to make up for it. As if those gifts would do his job as my ‘father’,” I added, using air quotes and letting out a small laugh. “He was barely around, and every night I just wished for his affection, his presence.

“On my 8th birthday, he’d asked me what gift I wanted. I’d told him I just wanted him to be there. He said he would be, but then he said he still wanted to get me an actual thing as a present. So I asked him for this silly castle thing, and he said he would oblige.

“Five days before my birthday, he left, saying he had to go on a business trip. He said he would be back on my birthday. I waited. When I blew the candles, I was wishing for him to make it...but it was useless. He didn’t come. He wasn’t there.

“I cried that night, hard. And that was when I finally figured out wishes didn’t come true. But still, I didn’t lose hope, actually. I still made them from time to time, just to see if my luck had changed.

“Then one day, Mom and I found out why he wasn’t always there. I heard them yelling, actually. Mom was angry and hurt, and her tone scared me then but I still chose to eavesdrop outside their room, wanting to know what was going on.

“He...he knew that woman since they were still kids, at least that was what I’d heard him explain to Mom. Apparently, he had been seeing her two years into his marriage with my mother. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, he’d gotten her knocked up. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, their kid was born three days before my birthday.” I now paused, feeling my cheeks get warm. I noticed that tears were already streaming down my cheeks. Still, I didn’t bother wiping them, because I knew more would just come, as I wasn’t finished talking yet. I’d stopped rocking my swing, and my fists were balled up on my lap. “That business trip he had gone to on my birthday was actually a celebration of his other kid’s birthday. I didn’t want to listen anymore after I heard that, I just ran back to my room and cried.

“Mom had changed a lot after that. She used to be so sweet, caring, loving—she used to be real. But after that, she’d become cold as ice, and although I couldn’t blame her for that, it still hurts me that until now she remains that way.

“They’d separated for two months after that. Dad left the house, and his parents helped our family hide it from the media, although they weren’t proud of what he had done either. Still they kept convincing Mom to give him another chance. One day, he came to the house and apologized, and they had another talk. I listened again. The deal was, Dad would still keep supporting their child, but it had to be indirectly, so he wouldn’t have to see his mistress again.

“But then he broke that promise once again. A few days before Christmas, even. We found out he’s still been seeing her after all, despite the promise he’d made. And you know what makes it worse? The fact that Mom and I had forgiven him. The fact that I had forgiven him and chose to disregard everything he had done, the fact that I obeyed each of his order no matter how—how—mad they made me. What’s silly is that I’d been thankful that at least, through that way, he was giving me his full affection already—he called me all these sweet nicknames and for the first time in years I’d finally felt like I had a Dad, even though he was basically leading my life. But I let him do that—I let him and Mom do that because I’d thought that somehow, if I obeyed them, things would start going right. Like one day I would wake up and they would be back to the sweet couple they once were. And then I could maybe start showing them who I really was, and maybe they would accept me.”

More tears came this time, still I refused to wipe them off. “But still, none of that happened. Everything just got worse. Now they’re getting divorced, and maybe it’s for the best but the fact that he’d been deceiving us all along, and the fact that he’d chosen them over us, it’s what kills me,” I choked out. “I did everything he told me to. Was it not enough? I let myself be their puppet. Yes, I sneaked out a lot, but I never got in trouble for it, I was careful enough. Yes, I lied to them, so many times, but it’s just because I wanted to do things I actually wanted to do.

“But maybe she’s better. Maybe his other daughter’s better. Maybe he actually knew about all the lies I’d made, while she’d always been his little angel—maybe that was why he chose them over us. Maybe that was why he chose her over me.”

By now I was sobbing loudly and I had my hands over my face. I was just so frustrated about everything, and it was possibly the first time I had just let it all out to someone other than Erin. I continued crying, and after a few more moments, I felt his arms around me.

“I-I’m sorry I asked,” he said, sounding rueful. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry...” He stroked my hair soothingly and kept his chin on top of my head, and I automatically threw my arms around him and sobbed on his shirt.

I didn’t say anything until my sobs got quieter. Then finally, I wiped my tears off as I started calming down. “No, it’s okay,” I reassured him then I sniffed. “I was overdue for that. It...at least I got that off my chest.”

We hugged for a few more seconds until finally, I let him go. He remained standing in front of me as I wiped the rest of my tears off.

“Sorry for that,” I said, laughing a little. “I think I wet your shirt a bit.”

He looked down on the part between his chest and stomach, and laughed upon seeing that slightly big wet spot. “It’s okay,” he said. “Do you want something to make you feel better?”

I tilted my head to the side, thinking. “Ice cream sounds great right now,” I said, smiling a little.

“I think I’ve some of that at home,” he said. “Do you wanna go there? And then let’s stargaze for a while before going back to Erin’s.”

I stood up from the swing and shoved my hands onto my pockets. “Sounds great.”

He smiled at me and then as we started walking, he put an arm around my neck and squeezed me slightly. I looked at him, smiling a little, and he glanced at me and returned my smile. I felt warm inside. I was really thankful that I had him in my life, and I was definitely thankful for this “pure friends” hangout.