Priceless

I continued running, not knowing where to go. I noticed that I was crying already, that’s why I didn’t even think of coming back to Erin’s. And of course it wasn’t like I could already go home. Mom would be suspicious. I didn’t want to risk anything so I just decided to stay where my feet would bring me.

It wasn’t long until I reached the playground we’d visited last night. Thankfully, no one was there. I made my way to the swing and just sat there. I was still crying and I didn’t bother wiping my tears away. I wasn’t really sure why I was crying, although I knew it wasn’t because I lost it to Stephen. Part of me was scared, though, because now that I had fully given myself to him...I felt vulnerable, like I wasn’t sure what would happen next. It was probably pointless though, because he did say it wasn’t just sex. Still I was torn between that and the fact that I had done this to Alex. And now, knowing that I hurt Stephen because of that just killed me.

I didn’t stop crying, not giving a fuck if in case there were people staring at me already. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and had no idea about how long I was doing it. I was brought back to reality, though, when I heard a voice from my side.

“You know, I don’t like seeing girls cry.”

If I wasn’t too caught up in crying, I would have recognized that voice right away. But I was, so I had to turn to where it came from first. I wiped my tears away and rubbed my eyes to un-blur my vision, and then I looked into his blue eyes and couldn’t help but feel a little bit ashamed. Ashamed for two reasons: he had seen me crying, and of course let’s not forget the fact that he knew there was something going on between me and Stephen.

Josh Montgomery smiled a little at me and moved to sit on the swing beside me. I had no idea why he was there and not at Erin’s, but even before I could ask, he beat me to it.

“Waking up to Stephen’s rumbles isn’t exactly my idea of a good morning, especially when I’m under the curse of a huge hangover. But of course, being the good friend that I am, I have to listen to him and help him out with things involving you,” he said.

I knew I shouldn’t get mad at Stephen for talking to Josh about it, especially since I was hard to understand, but I just wished it hadn’t been this soon. I wasn’t composed yet.

“I was gonna go to his house and talk to him personally about what happened, but then I saw you here,” Josh added. “So, do you mind telling me what happened instead?”

I didn’t know where to start, without making myself look bad because I was wrong in all aspects. It wasn’t right. I was the one who wanted it so badly, but I was also the one who ran away from Stephen.

I sighed deeply, not sure how to explain it all to Josh. I knew he wouldn’t be able to understand my frustrations. Heck, I couldn’t even fully understand myself at the moment.

“I...” I started but didn’t continue. I sighed once again, and let my gut do the talking. “I feel like I’m a horrible person for cheating on Alex and for running away from Stephen like that even after he’d told me it wasn’t just sex.”

He was quiet for a moment and so I chose to continue. “You probably think I’m a bad person for doing it to Alex, and even Erin will hate me if she finds out about it. But I can’t...I mean I feel like...it’s different when I’m with Stephen. I...I might be in-love with him and maybe that’s why I’m scared.”

Josh titled his head to the side, “You’re scared of what?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Scared of how this thing with him would work,” I answered. “I don’t know. I’m confused. I’m not sure what to do. It’s my first time to have these kinds of feelings for someone, and it scares me. I don’t know how he feels for me. Well maybe now I have an idea, but...I don’t know. I’m still scared. And I feel guilty for doing this to Alex. He’s so nice. He doesn’t deserve what I’d done. He doesn’t deserve me. I’m a mess.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, personally think Stephen deserves you. He’s a mess as well so you two would be quite the pair,” he said teasingly. I know it was a joke but I wasn’t into jokes at the moment, so I started crying again. Josh looked shocked when I did and he tried calming me down again.

“Wait Bails, don’t cry, okay? Don’t cry, I was just joking. I’m not good with words, I’m sorry,” he said. “Look.” He cupped my face in his hands and made me stare straight into his eyes. “Stephen loves you, okay? He does. I don’t think he has felt that way for anyone else either. It’s just you. So don’t worry because he will just be there. You have to break up with Alex, though, because it’s obvious that you don’t have feelings for him. And then you and Stephen can probably start properly after that, or pick up where you left off, I don’t know.” He chuckled. “I’m sure you two will do just fine, okay? Don’t stress out too much. And you’re not bad. I don’t think you’re a bad person and Erin won’t hate you if she finds out about it. Love just strikes when you least expect it. That’s what happened with you and Stephen and it wasn’t your call to fall for him like that, so stop blaming yourself okay? These things happen.”

“It was my call, it was my call to feed into longing that’s why it happened. It’s my fault. I could have waited,” I protested, shoving his hands away but he was stronger.

“It wasn’t longing, Bailey. It was love and it happens. You can’t fight it even if you try,” he said.

I didn’t say anything. But I was feeling a little better because of everything he’d said. I felt thankful that I had this talk with him. It at least eased me up a little.

“Look, you should compose yourself now and I’ll drive you back to Erin’s, okay? Or I can drive you home if that’s what you want,” he suggested but I quickly shook my head.

“Just back to Erin’s,” I said. It was better than going back to my house where Mom could see me and ask about what happened. Well I was pretty sure my friends would ask as well, especially Tasha, but...it wasn’t like I could keep it for long anyway.

Josh smiled at me and stood up, and then offered a hand to me. I accepted it and smiled back slightly at him. At that moment I actually wanted to ask him to drive back to Stephen’s first so we could talk, but then I decided against it and set my mind to talk to him after I sort things out with Alex. It would probably be better that way.

We got into the car that was John O’s and Josh started driving away. I was quite nervous, to be honest. I didn’t know how they would react. I didn’t even know if they noticed that Stephen and I hadn’t been there all night long.

It felt like only a minute had passed and Josh was already parking the car in front of the Nickelsens’ household. It was probably my nerves, though, that caused me to feel that way. I could feel my heart throbbing against my chest as we both got off the car and walked to the house. I was greeted by John Go’s morning face when we got in and I felt a stinging pain pulling at my heart for the sole reason that he was related by blood to the guy I loved.

“Bailey! Where were you all night?” he wondered aloud and this caused the others to look at me as well. Among those looks, Tasha’s fierce face stood up. I understood her. She was just concerned, I know. I didn’t want to deal with everyone at the moment, but I probably had to.

I avoided John’s question, though. I just smiled at him and chose to walk to the couch, but even before I could sit down, someone grabbed me by the arm and turned me to her. To my surprise, it wasn’t Tasha—it was Erin. The look on her face wasn’t angry—I could see that it was of concern and worry.

“We need to talk,” she said, and I just felt even more nervous. Those were really, really scary words.