Never Say Goodbye
Holding on to never say goodbye.
He sighed as he watched the tears falling out of her eyes. He didn’t want to leave her like this; hell, he didn’t want to leave her at all. Joanie had been a part of his life for so long now, and it seemed like the hardest thing he had ever done. He sighed and pushed his hand back through his tangled hair before walking closer to her, hoping that maybe she’d stop crying.
“Baby, listen,” he murmured as he kneeled in front of her, grabbing her chin softly and tilting it upwards so that he could look her in her light green eyes. “I don’t want to leave you. You know I don’t,” he told her, trying to put a reassuring smile on his face. Jon had always been the type of guy to try and see things the optimistic way, and he knew that if he acted upset about leaving for this tour, she was going to be even more upset than she already was. That wasn’t something he wanted to deal with.
“Then don’t,” she said simply, a sob leaving her lips before she turned her head to the side, no longer looking at his face. “If you don’t want to leave me, then don’t. No one’s making you, Jon.”
He sighed, and knew that she felt hurt that he was leaving this time. This tour was going to be longer than the other ones his band had gone on; this tour would take him away from her for nine months, the longest he’d ever been away from Joanie. He knew that she’d be able to fly out and see him sometimes, and that there would be a few days off here and there that he could come back to New Jersey to see her, but for the most part, it would be nine long months on the road spent out of her arms.
He didn’t know how to respond to her words. He knew that no one was forcing him to leave Joanie; this was a decision that he and his band had come to on their own, with their management. This tour would put them in the spotlight even more than they already were. This tour could be the big break they’d need. They’d made some ripples in the water with their single a few weeks back, but this tour could be the defining moment that set up a long, successful career for them. He loved Joanie, but this tour was something that he needed to do.
“I know no one’s making me leave, Joanie. But this could be the band’s big break,” he murmured, reaching up to touch the side of her face with a small smile on his own lips. “I told you when we started this relationship that there were going to be trials. You told me you understood about the band, Joanie.”
He watched her face carefully, trying to figure out what was going through her head. She had always been the kind of girl to guard herself, and that was why he thought they made such a good couple. He was pretty open with himself and his emotions; Joanie liked to hide her secrets and keep things to herself. They were a pair of complete opposites, and he had to admit that the old adage was true; opposites attracted each other.
“Just go, Jon,” she told him before leaning down to press her lips against his cheek softly before she turned to walk out of their bedroom. He groaned and pushed his hand back through his hair before standing up, looking at the alarm clock on the nightstand. His plane left in a little over an hour and a half, and he couldn’t be late. The guys were probably already there, and they had a show in London tomorrow night that they had to be at. He didn’t like leaving Joanie like this, but he knew that when he called her tomorrow before the show, she’d be feeling better about why he had to leave.
“Great show, man,” Tico said to Jon late the next night, holding up a sweaty hand for a high-five. Jon nodded, high-fiving the drummer before he reached for a bandana out of his pocket to swipe some sweat off of his face. He needed to talk to Joanie, even though he knew it was later in the United States, back in New Jersey. He hadn’t been able to get ahold of her before the show, and he wanted her to hear him say how much he loved her.
“Yeah, it was, man,” he murmured with a small smile before he started to make his way towards the dressing room. He needed privacy so that he could call his girlfriend, and the other guys would know who it was that he was calling when they saw him disappear. He sighed and closed the door before grabbing the phone off the receiver in the room, sitting on one of the chairs before he dialed the number to her apartment. It took her four rings, but she finally picked up the phone, sounding more sleepy than agitated.
“Hullo?” She asked before yawning loudly.
“Hey, baby,” he murmured softly into the phone, pushing some hair back out of his eyes before he smiled. “Sorry I woke you up. I just needed to hear your voice,” he added softly.
He listened for a few minutes, waiting for his girlfriend to respond to what he had said before her voice finally sounded on the other end of the line. “It’s two o’clock in the morning here, Jon,” she murmured. “Couldn’t this have waited until a reasonable hour?”
“No,” he shook his head, knowing that this was something he had to say to her tonight. It had been weighing on his mind since he’d left her the night before. He knew that she was hurting over the fact that he hadn’t really talked to her last night.
“What do you need to talk about?” She asked him after a few minutes. He waited for a few minutes, trying to figure out the best way to phrase what it was he wanted to say before he spoke, clearing his throat.
“I left without saying how much I love you,” he murmured quietly, not wanting the guys to overhear him. When it came to Joanie, his emotions were personal and private, and he didn’t want anyone but her to hear what he had to say. “And I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, Joanie. I love you so much.”
She didn’t reply for a few minutes before she breathed out softly on the other end of the phone. Jon could almost imagine the smile on her face, and it brought a smirk to his own. “I love you too, Jon. But it’s two in the morning, baby. Can we talk tomorrow after I wake up?” She asked him. It reminded him that he had woken her up in the middle of the night for no reason, and he frowned before nodding even though she couldn’t see it.
“Sure, baby,” he told her. She murmured another ‘I love you,’ before she hung up the end of the phone. He didn’t bother saying goodbye, because that was something he and Joanie had never done since he’d started leaving for tours. Goodbye was something permanent; something that would take him away from her, and neither of them wanted that to happen. He hung up his end of the phone as well before he sat down on the couch, a smile on his face as he thought about their relationship. It was hard, balancing his music career with her, but he knew that it would work if they never said goodbye.
“Baby, listen,” he murmured as he kneeled in front of her, grabbing her chin softly and tilting it upwards so that he could look her in her light green eyes. “I don’t want to leave you. You know I don’t,” he told her, trying to put a reassuring smile on his face. Jon had always been the type of guy to try and see things the optimistic way, and he knew that if he acted upset about leaving for this tour, she was going to be even more upset than she already was. That wasn’t something he wanted to deal with.
“Then don’t,” she said simply, a sob leaving her lips before she turned her head to the side, no longer looking at his face. “If you don’t want to leave me, then don’t. No one’s making you, Jon.”
He sighed, and knew that she felt hurt that he was leaving this time. This tour was going to be longer than the other ones his band had gone on; this tour would take him away from her for nine months, the longest he’d ever been away from Joanie. He knew that she’d be able to fly out and see him sometimes, and that there would be a few days off here and there that he could come back to New Jersey to see her, but for the most part, it would be nine long months on the road spent out of her arms.
He didn’t know how to respond to her words. He knew that no one was forcing him to leave Joanie; this was a decision that he and his band had come to on their own, with their management. This tour would put them in the spotlight even more than they already were. This tour could be the big break they’d need. They’d made some ripples in the water with their single a few weeks back, but this tour could be the defining moment that set up a long, successful career for them. He loved Joanie, but this tour was something that he needed to do.
“I know no one’s making me leave, Joanie. But this could be the band’s big break,” he murmured, reaching up to touch the side of her face with a small smile on his own lips. “I told you when we started this relationship that there were going to be trials. You told me you understood about the band, Joanie.”
He watched her face carefully, trying to figure out what was going through her head. She had always been the kind of girl to guard herself, and that was why he thought they made such a good couple. He was pretty open with himself and his emotions; Joanie liked to hide her secrets and keep things to herself. They were a pair of complete opposites, and he had to admit that the old adage was true; opposites attracted each other.
“Just go, Jon,” she told him before leaning down to press her lips against his cheek softly before she turned to walk out of their bedroom. He groaned and pushed his hand back through his hair before standing up, looking at the alarm clock on the nightstand. His plane left in a little over an hour and a half, and he couldn’t be late. The guys were probably already there, and they had a show in London tomorrow night that they had to be at. He didn’t like leaving Joanie like this, but he knew that when he called her tomorrow before the show, she’d be feeling better about why he had to leave.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Great show, man,” Tico said to Jon late the next night, holding up a sweaty hand for a high-five. Jon nodded, high-fiving the drummer before he reached for a bandana out of his pocket to swipe some sweat off of his face. He needed to talk to Joanie, even though he knew it was later in the United States, back in New Jersey. He hadn’t been able to get ahold of her before the show, and he wanted her to hear him say how much he loved her.
“Yeah, it was, man,” he murmured with a small smile before he started to make his way towards the dressing room. He needed privacy so that he could call his girlfriend, and the other guys would know who it was that he was calling when they saw him disappear. He sighed and closed the door before grabbing the phone off the receiver in the room, sitting on one of the chairs before he dialed the number to her apartment. It took her four rings, but she finally picked up the phone, sounding more sleepy than agitated.
“Hullo?” She asked before yawning loudly.
“Hey, baby,” he murmured softly into the phone, pushing some hair back out of his eyes before he smiled. “Sorry I woke you up. I just needed to hear your voice,” he added softly.
He listened for a few minutes, waiting for his girlfriend to respond to what he had said before her voice finally sounded on the other end of the line. “It’s two o’clock in the morning here, Jon,” she murmured. “Couldn’t this have waited until a reasonable hour?”
“No,” he shook his head, knowing that this was something he had to say to her tonight. It had been weighing on his mind since he’d left her the night before. He knew that she was hurting over the fact that he hadn’t really talked to her last night.
“What do you need to talk about?” She asked him after a few minutes. He waited for a few minutes, trying to figure out the best way to phrase what it was he wanted to say before he spoke, clearing his throat.
“I left without saying how much I love you,” he murmured quietly, not wanting the guys to overhear him. When it came to Joanie, his emotions were personal and private, and he didn’t want anyone but her to hear what he had to say. “And I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, Joanie. I love you so much.”
She didn’t reply for a few minutes before she breathed out softly on the other end of the phone. Jon could almost imagine the smile on her face, and it brought a smirk to his own. “I love you too, Jon. But it’s two in the morning, baby. Can we talk tomorrow after I wake up?” She asked him. It reminded him that he had woken her up in the middle of the night for no reason, and he frowned before nodding even though she couldn’t see it.
“Sure, baby,” he told her. She murmured another ‘I love you,’ before she hung up the end of the phone. He didn’t bother saying goodbye, because that was something he and Joanie had never done since he’d started leaving for tours. Goodbye was something permanent; something that would take him away from her, and neither of them wanted that to happen. He hung up his end of the phone as well before he sat down on the couch, a smile on his face as he thought about their relationship. It was hard, balancing his music career with her, but he knew that it would work if they never said goodbye.