Sandcastles

I was just digging my hole deeper and deeper, or so it seemed. I was now standing toe to toe with the girl who had single handedly ruined my vacation doing my best not to just punch her square in the face. My fists clenched tighter as her voice screeched through the air. I couldn’t make out the words. All I really knew was with every sound that girl made, I just got angrier and angrier. It was when her words actually registered in my mind, I let me right hand swing.

“Jonny always did like them feisty. Though, he usually likes them pretty as well,” Amber stated, a smug look creeping over her features.

Before my hand could make contact with her plastic little nose, Sara had pulled me backwards, hard. She then proceeded to drag me towards the hotel.

“Let go!”

“Fuck no,” Sara said, anger brewing in her voice. “Your ass is not getting a black eye for my wedding. Plus, I don’t have much faith in you as a fighter, kid.”

She was right. I wasn’t a fighter and I never had been. When we safely reached the pool, she let go of my arm and looked at me with sadness on her face. “Bailey, I love you more than anything in this world, even more than Patrick. The last thing I want to see is something else bad happen to you. Can you just…avoid Amberslutfuck for the rest of this trip? One day. That’s all it is.”

Sighing, I nodded in agreement. Before I could really say anything to her, Sara muttered something about being late and hurried off. I was left standing by the pool, alone. Taking a seat at the edge of the water, I let my feet hit the cool water. I didn’t realize how hot I had gotten on the beach between the sun and my anger before I felt the water. Part of me wanted to throw my entire body into the sparkling water and spend the rest of my day just floating around, but since I had to sit through a wedding party dinner that night, I knew it wouldn’t be happening.

Before I could even slide into the water for a minute of relaxation, I noticed someone sit next to me. Sadly, I didn’t even have to look to realize that it was Jonathan.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. He probably expected me to get up and walk away as soon as I realized it was him, but I couldn’t. Something kept me glued to the cement that I sat on. My eyes didn’t leave the crystal clear water of the pool. I didn’t want to be there, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave either.

“I’m sorry,” he practically whispered. I felt his eyes fall upon me as he spoke, taking in my features. I knew that sadness was written all over my face, and I wasn’t even going to try and hide it.

“Then why did you do it?” I finally spoke up, lifting my head and looking straight ahead before turning to him. His jaw looked right at home with the cuts and scraps that also resided on his face from the bar fight a few nights ago.

At first, the only answer I got was a shrug. Shaking my head, I pulled my legs out of the water and started to stand up. In all honesty, even I was surprised at how calmly I was handling this entire mess.

Before I had a chance to walk away, I felt his arm grab my wrist. Even if I wanted to pull away, I couldn’t. He was probably four times as strong as I was, but more than that, I wanted a bit of time with him. Yes, he had basically destroyed me, but I had always been a glutton for punishment it seemed.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot,” he started before standing up. His hand slowly slipped from my wrist into my hand. I tried my best to look away from him, but I couldn’t. His other hand had taken its place on my chin, forcing me to look straight into those eyes I had grown to love more than anything over the past few weeks. However, they didn’t look like they should. They didn’t light up. There wasn’t a hint of light showing through those dark brown orbs. My heart sank in my chest. In a way, it didn’t matter that I was in pain. I would be fine. Somehow, I always found a way to be fine. But seeing sadness in others broke my heart. I wanted nothing more than to see his eyes light up like they did when we were together, even if Amber was the reason.

“Jonny… I…”

“Don’t,” his head shook lightly. “Just…don’t. Will you talk to me? Please? Come with me so we can discuss all of this?”

I wanted to tell him no. Actually, I wanted to do nothing more than scream it at him at the top of my lungs. But when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Not a single word. Not a single sound. Nothing. Closing my mouth, I swallowed hard, finally nodding. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, or why I was agreeing, but I had just done it.

-x-

I didn’t know where we were going. Jonny had told me to meet him at the front door of the resort in ten minutes, so I could change out of my bathing suit and into something a bit more…decent. I don’t know why I listened, but I did. We had been walking for the past ten minutes without a single word to one another, and it was starting to bother me. I wanted to know where we were going. I wanted to know how awkward this conversation was going to end up being.

Finally, we turned into this little restaurant. We were seated on the patio and handed menus, but I couldn’t even think to look at mine. The thought of food at that moment was sickening, and Jonny apparently thought the same thing.

“Not hungry?”

His first attempt at conversation. Shaking my head, I turned the menu over to look at the drink specials in hope that they had something strong that might make this less awkward.

“Not really. Plus, Sara and Patrick’s dinner thing is tonight.” I didn’t know if Jonathan was still invited. After everything that had happened in the past two days, I had no idea if he and Patrick were even on speaking terms. I assumed not, considering that I hadn’t heard any differently.

His eyes dropped. “I forgot about that. Shit…”

Raising an eyebrow, I looked at him curiously. “Have you even talked to Kaner since your little…incident?”

Jonny nodded slightly, looking back up. “Some. He pretty much called me a fuckface and told me that if I ever hurt you again he’d make my life a living hell.”

I felt my heart sink at his words. I didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Hell, the last thing I wanted was to ruin anything.

“But,” Jonny started again, a small smile forming on his face, “He said that he’d be an ignorant shit not to have me involved in his wedding.”

So he would be there. I felt my heart skip a beat, and I wasn’t sure why. It was either out of sheer fear or excitement, but telling which wasn’t going to be easy. Before I could say anything, our waitress came by for our order. I got myself a margarita, while Jonny chose to stick with water. In a way, I was okay with his decision. Alcohol was what got him into this mess in the first place.

“So how’s your face?” I asked, blinking at him slightly.

“I didn’t ask you out here to talk about my face.”

“Want to talk about your slut then?”

I wasn’t being nice. Then again, I didn’t have to be nice.

“Bailey,” his voice sounded cracked and defeated. I noticed his eyes turn away from me as the waitress placed our drinks down. “I truly am sorry. I never, ever intended for that to happen. I…”

“Jonathan,” I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose with one hand. “It doesn’t matter if you intended for it to happen. The thing is that it did. You can’t take it back now.”

“I know. Trust me, Bailey, I know.” His hand reached out and took one of mine. I jerked back out of instinct, placing my hand in my lap. “You know I don’t want her. You know that she’s the last person I ever want to be with…”

I tried to swallow the lump that was slowly forming in my throat.

“…and you’re the one I want. Bailey, I fucked up. I… I know how badly I…”

“Do you have any idea how stupid I look? Do you have any idea how shitty I feel about myself? I can’t compete with her. And frankly, I don’t want to. Scratch that. I shouldn’t have to. Jonathan…”

“You don’t have to! I would never, ever make you do that!”

A tear started down my cheek, but I was quick to wipe it away.

“Bailey, I just want it to be us again.”

And that was it. Those words sent me over the edge. Standing up quickly, I knocked my drink over on the table and rushed through the restaurant. Again, I was running, tears streaming down my face.