Sandcastles

We were the last to arrive at dinner. In a way, I knew Sara had wanted it that way. She liked to be the center of attention. And, lucky for me, if she was the center of attention, that meant that I wasn't. As she waved and got everyone's attention, I snuck to my seat between Christine and Corey, right across from Jonny. His eyes had fluttered from Sara over to me, and a smile crossed his face. It wasn't that classic Toews smirk, or his mischievous grin. It was a genuine, happy smile.

I couldn't help to keep the smile off my face as our eyes met, but I couldn't keep them there. I felt like a teenager again. The butterflies in my stomach, the heart skipping a beat, the whole nine yards of young love. My eyes fluttered back to Sara who was now sitting next to Kaner, whispering something into his ear. I noticed Patrick's eyes meet mine, and I looked away immediately, knowing that Sara was probably filling Patrick in on what she had walked in on earlier.

The night was a hit. I was forced to make a speech that I never planned out, Sara and Kaner looked more perfect than they ever had before, and everything seemed to be the definition of perfect. As time ticked on, the energy seemed to slow down. It was around eleven thirty when everyone decided to disperse. Jonny and I were the last to stand, and when we did, he nodded towards the beach. Without a word, I nodded and started towards the moonlit beach.

"We never did actually get to talk," I finally said, my feet kicking through the sand as we walked. My heels had left my feet and were now being held in one of my hands while the other rubbed my arm lightly.

"I know," Jonny's hands were shoved far into his pockets. His eyes were looking down the beach in the direction we were walking. We had been walking for about five minutes and these were the first words we had spoken. "Are you feeling better?"

I nodded, now watching my feet. I had never expected for this to be so awkward. As the cool water hit my feet, I let out a bit of a sigh.

"I don't know if I want to stay here another week," he finally offered up after a few moments of silence.

I stopped in my tracks, watching him as he took a few more steps. Finally he realized that I wasn't next to him anymore. Turning around, he looked at me with a confused expression as to why I had just stopped in my tracks. "Why?"

Jonny walked back towards me, taking his hands out of his pockets. One of his hands went to rub the back of his neck, and I analyzed his movements a bit more. His eyes grazed my face for a moment before they went to the moon hanging over the ocean. It was honestly a gorgeous sight. My eyes followed his as I looked at the water, smiling slightly at the beauty of this place. To think that my trip was almost over was a devastating thought. Then again, I was starting to miss the calm my normal life brought with it.

I was lost in thought when I felt Jonny's hand slide into mine. It was the first attempt he'd made all night to touch me, and in a way, I didn't know how to react to it. I felt his fingers tighten around mine, and I couldn't help but return the favor.

"I think it might be better if I just go home with you," Jonny started, his eyes not leaving the moon. "If I stay, things might just get worse between us, and I don't think I could bare that."

"There isn't any us," I spoke up, turning from the moon to him. I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to tell him what I was really thinking. It was going to end up hurting both of us, but I couldn't sit around and pretend like everything was just like it used to be. Slowly, I pulled my hand from his and turned towards him. "I think you need to stay here and enjoy you last week of vacation. Be single. Be...you."

He seemed shocked by my words, and I couldn't very well blame him. "I don't want to be single, Bailey. I want to be with..."

I rose my hand to cut him off. "You might not want to be single, but I need to be." Sighing, I folded my arms over my chest and looked back at the ocean. "I jumped from a two year relationship into whatever I had with you, and I never got a chance to recover. I've never given myself enough time to recover from things. I think of myself as completely invincible and I'm not."

"You don't have to be invincible, Bailey. You have me." I felt his hands fall onto my shoulders, but I still couldn't bring myself to look at him. "I'm not going to mess up again. Please, believe that."

"I do believe that, Jonny," I began, sniffling slightly. "I don't believe that you would ever hurt me on purpose. But...this isn't about you. It's about me. Just...Maybe we can talk when you get back to Chicago? I'm not ready for another relationship, and I think we both need to figure out our lives. Who knows. Maybe you'll fall madly in love with Amber when I'm gone."

"I won't fall for Amber!" His voice was getting louder, slightly disturbing the beautiful night outside. "I won't fall for anyone but you." He must have realized the volume of his voice, since he lowered it with his second statement.

"You don't know that." I started, shaking my head. "I care about you, Jonny, but I need time. Enjoy another week here. Just promise you won't forget about me."

"You're going to be impossible to forget, Bailey Monroe." With that, I knew I had won. He kissed me softly on the forehead and we stood there for a few more seconds before I turned to go back to the hotel, leaving Jonathan standing in the moonlight.