The Perfect Foundation

Ryan was not sure what to do about Brendon, Gerard and Pete. He kind of felt responsible for them, even if it was their own fault if they screwed each other over.

That was being too harsh though. He remembered Gerard's face when he thought he'd overstepped the line by touching his chest. There was absolutely no way he would go there with Brendon unless the boy wrote it out in capital letters on his forehead. He didn't want Brendon to get hurt, that was certain.

But he didn't want Gerard to get hurt either. He had seen his face when he'd recognised Brendon for the first time. He'd thought the guy was going to have a heart attack. It would take a lot of patience from Brendon to bring Gerard round to the idea of kissing, and he wasn't sure that was a quality that the younger man possessed in any great supply.

He supposed that if Brendon wasn't patient, he made up for it in persistence and there wasn't really anywhere to run. In Mikey and Pete's case the situation was totally different. He knew Pete. Impulsive as the man was, he would never have initiated a kiss unless drugged out of his mind or very deeply attached, and unless he had some sort of secret stash he really fucking liked Mikey Way. Who definitely reciprocated those feelings, in his own shy, introverted way. When Pete had scaled the apple tree Mikey had actually been concerned for his welfare and did not hide it well at all.

He sighed and pulled at his hair. It was growing quickly now there was no one to cut it. It fell over his eyes and he kept on having to push it back. He supposed he should try something new. He would get used to it eventually...

Ryan tugged off his t-shirt and turned slowly in the mirror propped up at the end of his bed. He was still getting used to seeing his reflection, the idea that that skinny, young looking boy with the huge eyes and feminine, vulnerable-looking features was him. His body was shooting up like a beanpole now he as eating properly and he didn't look so skeletal anymore. He was still thinner than the rest of the boys though. It was obviously in his genes. The only one that came close was Brendon, or possibly Mikey. Everyone else didn't look like they might be knocked over by a gust of wind.

The tall boy crouched and dug around the random selection of clothes they had all been given, pulled on some corduroy trousers over some baggy boxers, then started to root for something with long sleeves. It was getting colder and he knew from experience that his body didn't cope well with the cold. He couldn't be more glad to be in an actual house.

He found a stripy tank top which looked worryingly like the accompaniment to Gerard's boxers and pulled it on. As he was checking it out in the mirror, he noticed Spencer appear in the doorway behind him and he turned, fingers latched anxiously on he bottom of the vest, face politely inquisitive. The taller man folded his arms and leant casually on the doorframe, nodding at Ryan.

"Cool shirt."

"Thanks. I think it's one of Gee's."

He bent down over the chest again and dragged up a purple jumper which he donned swiftly. It had long sleeves so he was satisfied.

"It suits you."

Spencer suddenly said, stopping at the end of the sentence and biting his lip as though he regretted saying it. Ryan smiled. He liked Spencer's awkward stoicism.

"Thanks."

He tugged the sleeves over his hands and crossed them across his chest.

"What brings you here?"

He asked jokingly.

"Brunch. Gerard let Pete loose on the kitchen."

Ryan nodded sagely.

"It's still standing, right?"

Spencer grinned a little then.

"Yeah, I think so."

He led the way and Ryan followed him downstairs into the kitchen, a waft of curious smells greeting them at the door.

And so Ryan only noticed Spencer appearing when he stopped completely. He’d kind of gotten used to the man’s company when one day he just didn’t turn up at all and Ryan approached Jon (he seemed to be the closest to Spencer) about it, after a few days of this behaviour.

“Hey Jon,” the skinny boy began, and the older man grinned a greeting from his lounging spot against the kitchen wall. They were watching Gerard and Brendon try and cook dinner, which was both cute and amusing, “Have you seen Spencer recently?”

The doctor hesitated a bit before replying that he had.

“Is everything ok? It’s just, I haven’t seen him for a while -.”

The bigger man put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, the smile understanding but a little bit guarded.

“Spencer’s fine.”

He said, then leapt to the rescue as Brendon nearly spilt a pot of soup all over himself. Ryan frowned, feeling the chat hadn’t been very conclusive at all.

There was something going on here and he was determined to find out what it was. He turned sharply and walked out of the door. If no one was going to tell him, he’d go and find out from Spencer himself. He was half way there when he heard running footsteps from behind him and he turned to see Jon jog to a halt next to him.

“You’re lying to me about Spencer.”

Ryan stated flatly. Jon made a face.

“Look, it’s hard to explain.”

Ryan gave him a pointed look.

Jon elaborated reluctantly:

“He told me not to say anything...”

“He’s gone isn’t he?”

Jon actually laughed.

“No! No, God no.”

“Then why is he suddenly MIA? He’s either ill, or sick of us -.”

“Ryan, stop. You’ve got it all wrong.”

“Then why won’t you tell me?!”

“Because I don’t wanna betray his trust.”

“Fine, well I’m going to see him then -.”

“No,” Jon stepped in front of him, looking serious, “He won’t see anybody.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!”

Ryan stormed past, heading to his own room and slamming the door behind him. There was a quiet knock on his door some moments later.

“Who is it?!”

He shouted, not in the mood for people right now. Jon opened the door softly and Ryan glared at him, mouth open for an angry dismissal, but the look on the man’s face stopped him.

Jon looked sad for a moment, then guilty. Then he sighed.

"Look, Spencer just...he...likes you."

"He likes me?!"

"I'm not gonna say it again."

"But what do you-."

"No, Ryan, that's it. I'm not getting involved. The rest is up to you."

With that, he left.

The skinny man laid back on his bed, his mind in chaos at what to do.

First Brendon, then Pete, now this? Spencer seemed so...calm, down to earth, refreshingly sarcastic. He hadn't got any weird vibes from him, any sexual innuendos or inappropriate comments. The guy was sweet, patient, calm.

He had had no idea that Spencer was attracted to him. He was used to men leering, groping, spitting at him...he physically shuddered at the memories and wiped his face reflexively to remove the phantom saliva.

He hadn't been looking for signals, sure, and he had been trying not to see others in a sexual way and after months of pre-fair normality he had almost got used to the idea that he could do what he liked when he liked and that there were more people - like Gerard - who cared about him. Spencer had just fit into his daily routine seamlessly, coming to get him in the mornings for breakfast, walking him up to his room at night...they'd all sort of been assigned somebody without anyone officially saying it. Gerard had Brendon, obviously, Mikey gravitated towards Pete...

Spencer had just seemed the natural choice - perhaps because he had been Ryan's saviour. He'd been so silently courageous, taking all the shit for him and not asking for anything in return. Well now Ryan was going to do him a favour and get him back. No one could be happy cooped up in their room 24/7. Not even the most introverted person in the world.

He vowed to do something about it. Soon.