The Perfect Foundation

"I dare....Brendon to kiss Avary. Because I know he won't."

Finished Patrick lamely, fixing an unfocused gaze on the boys in question, then resting his head on Jared's shoulder and closing his eyes.

There were cat-calls around the circle and joint looks of terror and pleasure from Avary and Brendon.

"It's only a kiss," stated Ryan matter-of-fact, "And Patrick didn't say where."

From his spot opposite them Avary tried in vain to calm himself down.

The alcohol pulsed through his system dully and his vision swam. He hadn't ran, which was a bad sign. His eyes darted around the circle.

They were all looking at him - apart from Jon and Frank who were - weirdly enough - sucking each other's faces.

Avary felt his heart pick up speed and subconsciously caught his lip in his teeth as he thought about what it would be like. To kiss someone. To experience...passion. Forbidden passion.

Passion for men and not women.

Something rose up inside of him and nearly choked him with its intensity. He dragged his gaze to Brendon and there was relative silence. Pete gently disengaged Jon and Frank and Avary almost stood up and high-tailed out of there and then Jared said curiously.

"Well he hasn't said no..."

Avary's breathing was coming faster and shallower.

He wanted the floor to swallow him up, wanted anything to interrupt the situation that didn't include...this. Brendon.

The brown-haired man was looking at him, a mixture of confusion and worry in his dark eyes.

The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife.

Suddenly he uncurled himself from around Ryan and and crawled across to him, filling Avary's vision with flushed olive-skinned cheekbones, chocolatey-brown eyes and soft, full lips that spoke words of comfort.

"Ave, calm down. You're ok, no one's gonna force you to do anything you don't wanna do."

He cupped the blonde's face in his hands and met his gaze firmly.

"Why are you so worked up? It's only silly old me!"

He smiled lopsidedly and Avary felt some of the tension drain away, but there was something niggling at him, something that he needed to get out before he exploded.

"Because I want to."

He said hopelessly, and Brendon couldn't stop the surprise colouring his gaze.

"Well, in that case. Relax."

He pushed the hair from Avary's cheek and pressed his lips gently to his friend's. Everything disappeared.

Time stopped moving. Nothing existed but the sensation of Brendon's mouth on his, his hands cradling his jawline, his tongue seeking entrance as the world - the room, all the people - faded away.

He remembered kissing someone else before.

Once.

A long, long time ago when the world was whole and children played in the streets and people wished their neighbours good morning on their way to work.

A girl.

With long fiery hair and eyes as green as the leaves on the trees.

He'd kissed her thinking that was what he'd been waiting for all of his 16 years, that God had given him a miracle and he had been saved from loneliness.

A year later everything had been torn away from him, the very earth beneath his feet ripped apart and those he loved crushed somewhere underneath it all.

But he'd been naive and young, sat under the hot Texan sun in a cornfield, thinking his life had come together in that one moment. Here, now, in this cramped, draughty living room, surrounded by morally questionable men and boys he was so far from that cornfield he felt dizzy and out of control.

He could taste alcohol on Brendon's tongue and knew that he was embarking upon a dangerous road. But, for once, he just wanted to stop thinking and feel...let his body takeover, run his fingers through Brendon's overlong hair and allow himself this moment of indulgence.

He could sense that Brendon was probably holding back a bit, that he had more of a handle on on reality than he did but he didn't care.

He allowed himself to rest his hand on the ball of his shoulder, place the other against the soft juncture just below his ear. Gently catch the boy's lip between his teeth, then suck it softly in apology.

He knew he was trembling on the edge of something bigger, something more detrimental to everything he held dear. Suddenly the enormity of his audience, his actions, his words, hit him and he desperately crushed his mouth against Brendon's, hands cradling his face just before he pulled away.

There was silence, but he couldn't take it in, he couldn't breathe properly, he found himself clutching his head in his hands, nausea rushing through him as he tried to pull oxygen into his system.

It was like his lungs weren't obeying, his throat was constricted like a trapped hose pipe.

Then Avary felt Brendon tug at his arm.

"C'mon Ave."

It was a struggle, but the blonde allowed himself to be led away from the party and out to the orchard, strewn with moonlight and antsy with October winds, but better than the crowded living room.

Gerard watched in slow motion as Brendon and Avary held a whispered conversation, then Brendon leaned in and kissed him and the bottom dropped out of his stomach, he suddenly felt horror wash through him as Avary kissed back, as everything that he hadn't recognised in himself played out in front of him in full-colour, HD.

Brendon had kissed a lot of people tonight, and for some reason none of it had bothered Gerard until now.

He'd watched everything play across Avary's face - shock, self-hatred, denial, desperation and finally a sort of tortured acceptance.

It suddenly crossed Gerard's mind what he would've done if he'd been dared to make out with Brendon.

Could he have done it without a second thought?

His drunk mind wanted to grab the dark-haired man and bloody well find out, but his more reasonable side decided it wasn't the most practical idea.

Then when Brendon dragged Avary out of the room, Gerard's heart plummeted and he unwisely chugged the last of his beer, throwing the empty bottle into the corner.

Mikey reached out and put a hand on his arm.

"Gee...are you alright?"

Feeling tears prick at his eyes, the red-haired man nodded firmly, stretching a smile across his lips and shouting out: "Who's next?" With forced bravado.

The mood seemed to have dipped considerably since Brendon had left and no one responded. Gerard took one last look at the small circle of boys, nodded to himself, then left - not really sure where he was going but not really sure anyone cared.