The Perfect Foundation

Gerard stared at the coffee on the sideboard as though he could use his force of will alone to move it to his lips. He sighed and reached out to snatch it clumsily, ending up spilling a little on his boxers. That woke him up a little more and he sipped the deliciously caffeinated contents luxuriously. It was silly things like that which cheered him up. Funny what an apocalypse can make you treasure. With a yawn, he stretched skinny pale arms towards the ceiling and padded towards the door, planning to use the shower if no one was in it. He had never been a fan of being clean before Hell Day, but being stuck in a bunker for almost two years with another equally unwashed person was enough to change his mind on that issue. Now he liked to be clean whenever he had the chance. He always went to extremes, which he supposed was part of his personality. He opened the door and walked uncaringly onto the landing. At least he could pretty much be himself here. Neither the boys nor his old friends would care him wandering about in just a t-shirt and boxers. He was walking en-route to the bathroom when Jon jogged up behind him.
"Gee. You're up."
Gerard stopped, turned and blinked at him, the caffeine quickly hitting his system.
"I'm sorry to ambush you like this but I was wondering if you could come and see Brendon."
"Does he want to see me?"
"I...well yes! Of course!" Gerard could tell there was a catch.
"He doesn't know we were at school together."
"Well, we didn't think it should be us who told him..."
"And it can't wait til I shower because...?"
"He thinks you're being elusive and everyone keeps on talking about you and he still doesn't really know what's going on. Ryan and Steve went on a walk with Brian this morning and they're not back yet to fill him in-."
"Okay, okay I get it. I'm coming." He dutifully followed Jon down the hall and down and down the stairs until they came to a room on the ground floor, near the kitchen. Gerard knew he should be nervous but after all his worrying he had covered just about every possible reaction Brendon could have to him and he wasn't scared anymore. Well; maybe a little, he admitted, as he reached the door. But at least he was prepared.

Well, he may have been prepared for Brendon's reaction, but he wasn't prepared for his own. He hadn't seen Brendon in years, obviously, so it was more than a little jarring to see him sat up in bed, awake, alive - thankfully. Maybe not healthy, but healthier at least. Brendon smiled at him when he came shuffling in after Jon. It seemed a bit too bright to be real but Gerard knew the drill: fake it, fake that you're ok. He had done it for years with Mikey to somehow get them through the apocalypse without their parents. He knew he had to smile back, but he put as much as he could into it: his relief, his happiness, his encouragement...to try and push any hint of sadness he was feeling away. Brendon, despite being ten years older, looked very young and very pale, his dark hair contrasting starkly with his skin and his huge dark eyes.
"Hey, you must be the famous Gerard Way." He said, as though Gerard was a super hero or something.
Gerard opened his mouth to reply. Closed it again. Opened it, when Brendon stared at him expectantly. Brendon didn't recognise him, that was completely expected. He had bright red hair. Right. He scratched at said hair awkwardly.
"Yep!" He managed, "That's me!" His following smile felt manic but Brendon just looked glad for an answer.
"It's nice to finally meet you," he said genuinely, "I've been out of the loop. It was a shock to wake up in an actual bed. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven!"
"I'm just glad you're okay and awake. You've no idea how scary it was finding you in that pen. I thought you were dead." He didn't know where all this honesty was coming from. It had just sort of - spewed forth. Brendon did what he thought would be last thing anyone would ever do in his situation: he laughed. It was a sarcastic laugh, but a loud one nonetheless.
"So did I! They don't usually leave you in for very long. I was in there for at least a week before you came in to get me, all knights in shining armour or whatever."
"Fuck me." Gerard came out with, without thinking of the inappropriateness of the phrase. Brendon's face fell before the older man could stutter out a million and one apologies. He wanted to beat himself over the head with whatever was nearest and club-shaped.
"I-I know you didn't." There was a slight tremor to the boys voice and Gerard wanted to scream. But he didn't, he just forced it down and asked neutrally:
"How are you feeling?"
"Better, well I'm doing well on the not-dying thing anyway."
"That's good to know. Jon here saved your life." The doctor actually flushed and flapped away Brendon's thanks.
"It was the least I could do. After what you guys have been through."
"I'll never be able to repay y-."
"Just get better. You don't owe us anything."
"What he said."
Brendon clenched and unclenched his hands.
"B-but. You don't understand! I can't, I'm not used to - I can't take without giving anything in return. It's just how it is." He looked at Gerard, his eyes huge and pleading.
"You are giving us something, Brendon. You're health, happiness. Freedom. That's all we need."
"I don't..." The young man stared hopelessly down at the duvet.
"You'll understand eventually I promise."
"You can't promise my understanding. You don't know me." Gerard didn't let the hurt show on his face. He smiled through it. It wasn't a malicious phrase though, Brendon seemed confused more than anything.
"Look, just wait til you've met the others, ok?"
"I guess. I'm not...ungrateful, I'm just getting my head round this whole...thing."
"I know. I'm just glad you're alive." Gerard looked at Jon and the doctor nodded. He could go now. He stood up, suddenly realising how strange he must look in his t-shirt and boxers and stretched.
"I'm gonna go get ready for when the others come back." He turned to go when Brendon said, hurriedly.
"Thankyou. For saving my life."
"Anytime," he replied jokingly, "If you need any more of it, just ask." Then he left. Walking down the corridor, he bumped into Ryan and Steve back from their walk.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Brendon's awake."
"Yeah we were just going to talk to him. How's he doing?"
"He's alive and well, which is great. He's confused though. I would be really grateful if you guys could talk to him." He met Ryan's gaze in particular and the boy nodded minutely.
"We'll get on it!" Steve replied, grinning widely.
"Thanks so much." Gerard nodded awkwardly and they parted ways. There was a bathroom on this floor but he went to his floor and threw himself in the shower. The hot water felt wonderful on his stressed body and he wanted to stay there forever. He didn't, however, as he knew he had to face the music. When he'd been planning the escape, Ryan had given him a set of rules to follow when they got out. What not to do, really. It went something like this:
1. No touching, unless in emergencies.
2. No ordering.
3. No verbal/ sexual abuse.
4. No reference to prostitution.
5. No pity.

He was trying to stick with it, and it was pretty easy even though he wanted to hug the kids half the time and tell them they were going to be ok, like he would with Mikey. He was going to have to physically restrain himself from Brendon. He had wanted to hug him from the off, his brotherly instincts kicking in hard. He rubbed a towel over his hair absently and pulled on a pair of skinny jeans over some clean boxers, not bothering with shoes. Next he pulled out one of his favourite yellow t-shirts and dragged over his head. It reminded him of home, of LA, the sun, the sand and sea. He was just routing through his drawings for something to cheer Brendon up when Mikey appeared, silently at the doorway. He didn't even need to look up, he was used to his brother moving as though he was a ghost.
"Just trying to find something for Brendon."
"Cool. Everything ok?" Gerard looked at him and smiled too brightly.
"Yep."
"Bullshit. You know these kids'll come around eventually right? They're just...adjusting."
"I know...it's just hard to see them suffering. I want them to be happy..er."
"They will be. Eventually."
Gerard sifted dejectedly through his drawings. Nothing seemed appropriate for 'get well soon, you'll find your place in the apocalypse.' Mikey came up behind him.
"What about this?" He tugged out one of his favourites of Gerard's works. It was just a simple, but fully inked drawing of a young Gerard in full school uniform, looking lost and alone in a broken landscape. In beautiful letters in the sky above him were the words: 'I am not afraid to keep on living.'
"How do you DO that?" Wondered Gerard out loud.
"Huh?"
"Just pick out the perfect drawing like that."
"Oh, I'm magic." Said Mikey, with a straight face. Gerard laughed and they headed downstairs to join the boys at Brendon's bedside. When they entered, everyone turned to look and Gerard suddenly felt very conspicuous in his yellow t-shirt. He grinned like a maniac.
"Hey everyone! How are you all today?" There were various nods and versions of 'fine' and smiles all round.
"Good, good!" He handed his drawing to Brendon and tried not to over-analyse his reaction.
"Because I didn't get a chance to draw a picture of you." He explained.
Brendon appeared speechless for a moment, but when he looked up at Gerard his eyes were slightly too shiny. Gerard bit his lip hard to remind himself not to hug him, his hands curling into fists in frustration and misery.
"Thankyou," the dark-haired boy finally told him, his voice surprisingly calm, "It's awesome. Who is it?"
"It's me!"
"Wow."
"I was only a kid when the apocalypse struck. It took me a while to get to that stage but I found a way to draw what I was feeling. I thought you might...like it."
"I do." The boy looked from the drawing to Gerard and back again curiously. Something was nagging at him, in the back of his mind but he didn't know what it was. He was still having massive problems with the fact that he was no longer in a travelling sex circus and that he had been saved by some random guy with bright red hair, along with the rest of the gang.
It was too much to handle. It was a shock to know he'd survived solitary let alone anything else. The emotions were too much, and yet he was so unused to being alone that he wasn't sure it would be better if everyone left. He felt on edge, as though a client or a supervisor would come through at any moment and demand that he be punished for not doing any work. He did not normally relax, this whole bed-rest thing was new to him. He hadn't slept in a proper bed in five years at least. It was so comfortable and soft and clean-smelling that the very thought of it made him tear up. He knew it was stupid but he had genuinely thought he would never get out of that place while he was still young. It had become his home, there was no doubt about that, in a sick twisted sense he would miss it, but he never wanted to go back. He would rather die than go back, than to ever do such degrading, filthy work ever again. And yet it had been a job, and one that he had been very good at, even if he hated it.
"Hey guys, can I just -." He tried to think of a polite way to tell them to get lost, well, all of them apart from Ryan anyway, "I mean, do you mind just -." He met Ryan's gaze and, like always, his friend got the message and calmly ordered everyone out. Before he left, Gerard dithered at the door for a moment and said that if he needed anything at all, all he needed to do was ask. Brendon nodded, smiling as best he could, then finally it was just him and Ryan. They'd come to the fair around the same time, so they were very close. Ryan was Brendon's brother in every way except blood. Ryan smiled kindly and took Brendon's hand as he perched on the edge of the bed.
"You'll get used to it. No-one's going to hurt you, I promise. If they do I will kick their ass!" Brendon laughed, because the thought of Ryan trying to kick anyone's ass was hilarious.
"Thanks Ry." He squeezed the boy's fingers and smiled properly at him. His friend suddenly looked grave, but squeezed back.
"We're so lucky." He said quietly. "Gerard...he came out of nowhere, telling me we deserved deserved decent lives, deserved to be treated like human beings..."
Brendon didn't know what to say to that. It all seemed so surreal, he couldn't take everything in. Plus he was physically weak, and had a lot of catching up to do with the world.
"And the escape. Well, God..."
"I don't think God had anything to do with it." Brendon replied bitterly. Ryan's eyes flew up to meet his and there was the pain of understanding there.
"You're not alone, Bren."
"I know but I feel like I'm one step behind everyone. I feel lost. I don't know what's going on."
"You don't have to rush, just take your time. There's no need to worry. No-one wants anything from you."
"Are you sure?" He whispered. Ryan shuffled so that he was basically in bed with him, and grasped him by the shoulders, mindful of his injuries.
"Of course I'm sure. Brendon, look at me." He did and he saw Ryan's light brown eyes close to his, intense and certain.
"I would never, NEVER have gone through with this if I had had any doubt that Gerard was telling the truth. He's not going to hurt us."
"I believe you. I wouldn't believe anyone else, but I believe you." Ryan pulled him into a hug, whispering fiercely into his neck:
"You should. This is real, we have a chance at a decent life. A completely new start. We've escaped hell, finally." Brendon felt his eyes prickling with tears and he automatically willed them away.
Never show weakness.
Then the wall broke and he began to cry, Ryan doing the same. Both silently. When Ryan drew away he giggled, a little bit hysterical, wiping his face carefully as though he still had makeup on. He didn't, and Brendon noticed his face was a little pink from spending all morning in the sun. He stared out of the large sash window, greedily eating up the sunshine with his eyes as though he could will himself out of bed. He giggled a little himself, Ryan's hysteria was contagious.
"You have no idea how crazy that night was." Brendon looked back to Ryan.
"The way Gerard and the others put their lives on the line for us...the way Gerard saved you..."
"I'll never be able to repay him." Brendon said, his words holding a mixture of frustration, sadness and awe.
"That's not what it was about," said Ryan determinedly, "Gerard didn't do it for that."
"He's not quite what I expected." Commented the invalid, getting the topic away from debts and life-saving.
"Why? What did you expect?"
"Oh I dunno...Batman?" He smiled at his naivety.
"Well, he's our kind of Batman I suppose."
"He has bright red hair!"
"I know! I thought he was insane when I first met him. The hair definitely didn't help."
"He's quite a character."
"He's the guy who saved us."
"I can't..."
"You'll get there." Ryan patted Brendon's shoulder, then laid down next to him.
"I'm tired."
"You can stay here if you want."
"If you need rest..."
"No. I mean yes but-." Ryan positioned himself more comfortably on the duvet and closed his eyes. Brendon smiled and reached out to brush away the hair that had fallen across his eyes. Ryan smirked without opening his eyes.
"You should get some sleep." Pause. "I won't go anywhere." Brendon let himself relax for the first time in several hours and sank deeper into the pillow, sleep claiming him swiftly.