I've Done Something So Terrible

“Fuck! Jack, I need you.” Alex sniffled into the phone. Was he crying? I had never seen or heard Alex cry. It was quiet alarming, and caused panic to swell in my chest.

“I'm here Alex. What do you need?” I replied quickly into the phone.

“Come over now! Please!” he whispered-yelled at me. It was like midnight on a Tuesday. I would have to sneak out. It would not be the first time, but usually it was to go to a party. Never had Alex asked me to come over in the middle of the night when he was upset. It scared me.

“I'll be there in like ten minutes.” I announced hanging up the phone without saying another word and pulling pants on over my boxers. I grabbed the first hoodie I found on the floor and my keys and phone off my desk shoving them in my pockets. I slid my feet into my shoes and walked across the hall into the bathroom. I opened the window and stepped out onto the porch roof. I very carefully walked on the roof and climbed onto and down the tree in our front yard.
My car was parked on the street, I knew the car would probably wake my parents up. But dammit Alex needed me, and I loved him. I started the car and quickly pulled away from the curb driving the familiar streets to Alex's house. I parked about a block away so I wouldn't wake his parents. I jogged the short distance to Alex's front door and noticed all of the lights were on. I was considering knocking on the door when Alex burst through it pulling me into a hug. He always gave such amazing hugs, they were warm and soft and so comforting. This one had a hint of urgency and maybe even panic. I was about to say something when I noticed Alex's tears were leaking through my hoodie. This was serious, and I was scared. Before I could even ask what was wrong he was pulling me into the house and up to his room.

“Don't think we are done talking about this Alexander!” his father called behind us, he was pissed but it had a hint of utter despair underneath it. What had Alex done? I wondered.

“J-J-Jack I f-f-fucked up.” Alex choked out between sobs. I thought he would say more, but he just buried his face in my chest again pulling me into him. I pulled him close, I just wanted to make it better.

“Hey. Look whatever it is, it will be okay. I'm here. I'll help you fix it.” I assured. I had no idea what he could have done. We were always together. He was my best friend. I should know if he had done something so horrible.

“This isn't something to be fixed. Jack you're gonna be so mad at me. I'm so stupid.” Alex insisted shaking his head. He didn't even look at me, it seemed he was talking more to himself then me.

“Alex, you are my best friend in the world. Nothing is going to change that. I promise. You could become a serial killer, and I would still be crazy about you.” I promised. That put a weak smile on his face.

“Jack you remember that party at the beginning of school? The one where we played seven minutes in heaven, and I got Jasey.” he asked.

“Yeah and you said she kissed like a fish.” I said with a laugh. I remember that night fondly, too much alcohol and plenty of girls. How could I forget? Right the alcohol.

“Well the part that I didn't tell you is that later, after a few more drinks. I slept with her, and now she's pregnant.” he blurted out like the words tasted bad on his tongue.
“What?” I asked quickly looking up from my hoodie strings.

“Yeah.” he confirmed.

“Shit.” I mumbled before pulling him back into my chest. My heart was about to escape my rib cage if I didn't pull him to me to block its path. My body was shaking with fear. Alex was going to be a dad. This would change everything. It didn't take me long to come to the conclusion that I was gonna do whatever Alex needed. He was not alone.

“You hate me don't you. My parents are so disappointed. Fuck.” Alex exclaimed when I didn't say anything.

“I don't hate you, I'm just thinking how hard taking care of a baby is going to be.” I replied honestly.

“Why do you care? You're not going to be a father.” Alex asked bewildered.

“Dude, you are my best friend. I'm not just gonna leave you to do this alone. I'm gonna be there for you. For whatever you need.” I declared.

“Why would you do that? This isn't your mistake.” he gasped.

“You have no clue how much you mean to me, do you?” I retorted shaking my head.

“I guess I do. I mean we're best friends. But this is a baby, a human being.” Alex replied.

“So, I have experience with babies. I have a huge family.” I shrugged. After that Alex seemed to relax. We laid down on his bed together facing each other.

“So what did Jasey say?” I finally asked when he seemed to calm down.

“She pulled me aside after school. All of her friends were like standing a few feet away staring and giving me dirty looks. Then she just blurted out that she was pregnant and keeping it and then ran away. I should have ran after her or something but I didn't even freaking know what to do. I was so scared. And I feel so stupid. The first time I have sex I get a girl pregnant. What is wrong with me?” he ranted.

“Look you made a mistake. You are still Alex. And if it means anything I still feel that same way about you I always have.” I reassured him. He gave me a crooked smile that made my heart skip a beat. I wasn't sure why.

“Dude, you're crazy.” he said with a small chuckle.

“Crazy about you.” I teased. I felt my cheeks turn pink at that. I said stuff like that all the time, so did Alex. I just wasn't sure how Jasey and this baby would change Alex and me. Before I could talk to him about these concerns my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket, and saw it was my house phone. My parents must have known I was out. I answered the phone because I figured if I explained to my parents they would understand. I was wrong.

“Mom I know I'm not supposed to sneak out. I'm sorry. Alex needed me!” I argued.

“Jack I do not care! You are grounded! Now come home right now! This is unacceptable!” she yelled into the phone. Alex gave me a worried look.

“I'm grounded?” I inquired. I cannot believe this!

“Yes! Now get home!” she ordered.

“Hey, if I'm already in trouble then I'm gonna stay out as long as I want.” I declared ending the call and turning my phone off. Jack turned to Alex and wrapped his arms around the other boy. He looked shocked. I never really fought with my Mom before, not like that anyway.

“Jack...if you need to go home. I'll be alright. Just knowing that you're not going anywhere and that you love me its all that matters.” Alex offered.

“Nah. I think we could both use some sleep. I'll go home after that.” I said with a goofy smile. Alex smiled back and the too boys fell asleep still holding each other. I woke up to Alex's Mom snapping for us to get up. My chest had this warm fuzzy feeling and everything felt really good because I was next to Alex. Damn I wish I would have had the guts to tell him how I really felt before all of this baby crap. Then I remembered the baby and everything didn't feel as good as it had a minute ago. Alex woke up and smiled at Jack.

“Dude I have to run home and get my backpack. Do you want me to swing back over here and pick you up?” I asked rubbing sleep out of my eyes.

“That won't be necessary Jack. Alex is staying home today.” she said with a stern look at her son. Alex looked back at me, his smile vanishing. I gave him a small smile and waited till I was sure his Mom wasn't listening.

“Its okay. They love you, they're just in shock. I'm sure you're Mom will get excited about a cute little baby.” Jack assured with a smile. He started thinking about how cute Alex's baby would be. It made him actually excited about things at least for a second.

“I hope so. Dammit, I really need to talk to Jasey.” Alex said scratching his head.

“Well if she's at school I could say something, or maybe you could like write a letter. You know explaining that you had to stay home, and that you want to be part of the babies life.” I suggested. Being this serious was hard, I was constantly trying to think about what my Mom would say. It was weird.

“Yeah, that would be great.” he exclaimed jumping out of bed and grabbing a piece of paper and a pen scribbling something I couldn't read. I hope Jasey would be able to. He folded it up and handed it to me. “Tell her to call me, because I really want to talk to her.” he instructed.

“Got it.” I said with a salute before pulling him into a hug and then making my way to my home. When I got there my Mother was on the war path. I was not sure if I was gonna make it to school alive.

“Jack I am very disappointed in you. I cannot believe you thought talking to me like that was okay.” she scolded.

“Mom, look I am sorry. Alex is my best friend, I was not going to leave him. He really needed me.” I explained again hoping she had calmed down.

“What was so important that late on a school night?” she inquired impatiently. I would have told her last night but I didn't want Alex to feel even worse. He would probably worry about what she thought of him.

“Look Mom, promise me you won't say anything to Alex.” I started off, because if she did have a bad reaction then I did not want her saying something mean to him. That was the last thing he needed.

“Fine.” she said with an eye roll.

“Alex...well...he..um...” I was suddenly having trouble telling her, I was just so scared of what she would say. I can't imagine how hard it had been for Alex to tell his own parents.

“What?! Just spit it out Jack! What did Alex do?” she probed seeming to get more angry with each syllable.

“He got a girl pregnant.” I finally blurted out.

“You're funny. What did he really do?” she asked. Did she think I was saying the worst thing I could think of so whatever it was wouldn't sound as bad? Why would I lie? I didn't do anything.

“No I'm not joking. He really did. He got Jasey pregnant.” I said almost choking on the words. It was starting to sink in, it wasn't just Alex in this. Jasey was pregnant. She needed Alex, and Alex would need her. I felt like I was losing Alex. I hated it.
My Mom didn't say anything. She stared at me, like she still thought I was making stuff up. Her eyes studied me. Her face was expressionless. It was freaking me out. For a second I thought she might be having a stroke, until she finally blinked. I really needed her to not freak out. I didn't want to admit this but I really needed my Mom right now. I needed her support. My best friend was going through the hardest thing in his life, and I was scared of how that would effect us. It was selfish, but I couldn't stop feeling that way.

“Well...then I suppose I won't ground you. How are you feeling baby?” she finally spoke worry filling her eyes.

“I'm scared Mom.” I admitted, gazing at my converse. I couldn't tell Alex I was scared. I had to be strong for him. I felt her hands on my shoulders and she pulled me into the best Mom hug ever.

“What are you scared of sweetie?” she asked. I was so happy she wasn't mad anymore. I really needed her.

“Alex is like everything to me, and this baby is going to change that. I don't want to lose him Mom.” I said unloading all of my worries onto her.

“Look him having a baby is going to change things. He's going to be busy, and tired, and probably really stressed. But he's going to need you more than anything. I think if you really care about him as much as I think you do then this will make you closer.” she informed.

“I love him.” I admitted out loud for the first time and burst into tears. This whole thing hurt. He had sex with Jasey. I felt my heart breaking muscle tearing and arteries snapping. I was so envious of her. She had made love to my Alex. I hated it.

“I know baby.”

“No, Mom. Please I have to tell someone. I'm in love with him. I know its not right, but I do.” I confessed feeling even more scared now. Too much emotion was building up and now my heart couldn't hold it all in anymore, not after it had been broken.

“I know. I mean I was pretty sure. You too were so close. You can't control who you love sweetie. Its okay.” she replied.

“You mean you don't care?” I asked choking back a sob before it could escape.

“Of course I don't care that you're gay. Yes its a little disappointing I won't ever see you marry a girl, and have another daughter. But Alex is close enough.” she teased with a smile. I laughed, it was too comical.

“Thanks Mom.” I said hugging her tight.

“No problem sweetie. Do you wanna stay home today?” she asked.

“Yeah, but I can't. I told Alex I would give this note to Jasey.” I explained.

“He wrote her a note?” she spat with wide eyes.

“Yes, Mom its not as bad as it sounds. His parents wouldn't let him go to school. They wanted him to stay home and talk. He doesn't have her phone number, and he really needed to let her know that he wants to be in the babies life. So I told him I would give her the note and ask her to call him.” I explained.

“Oh, well I suppose thats not as bad as it sounds.” she agreed.

“I should get going. I love you Mom.”

“I love you too baby.” she said pulling me in for kiss on the cheek. I cringed but on the inside I was smiling. I got changed into clean enough clothes, and grabbed my bag.

“See you Mom.” I called before walking out the door and to my car.