I've Done Something So Terrible

Alex had been able to get Saturday off so we could paint the nursery. The baby had not been in the right position to tell the sex of the baby so Alex had decided to just pick a neutral color that could be for either a boy or girl. He eventually after long painful hours of debate, painful because he would not just pick a freaking color and it had to be the perfect color, he picked a warm sunny yellow. We also got these really awesome wallpaper things to put up when we were done painting. They had all these awesome shapes like teddy bears and stuff babies like. Alex and I laid on the floor of the soon to be nursery once we had completely covered the walls in yellow, not to mention most of ourselves. I saw paint in his hair, and over most of the right side of his face. I laughed a little and ran my finger threw the paint to show Alex my now paint covered finger. We both started laughing and my heart felt so much lighter then it had in months. I looked into his deep brown eyes and saw a sparkle that had been missing the past few months. I desperately wanted to tell him when his cell phone started to ring. We already knew who it was and both cringed as he opened his phone to answer.

“Hello?” he asked. His face contorted into pure agony, all I could here were indistinguishable screams from the other end of the phone. She always had to treat him so poorly. “Shit.” Alex mumbled as he hung up the phone.

“What now?” I asked kind of bored with Jasey's over dramatic attitude.

“Jasey went into early labor. I gotta get to the hospital. The baby is coming!” he yelled at me running around the room looking for his keys and wallet.

“You are way to excited to be driving. I'll take you.” I quickly offered. He seriously could barely put his shoes on he was so emotional. Which is totally understandable this was his first kid, and it was coming early. I tried not to look as worried as I felt. I knew teen mothers, and especially first borns were usually early but this was really early. Four months early to be specific. I drove to the hospital as fast as I could while still being safe. It would defeat the purpose of driving fast if we died or got in an accident. Then we would most definitely be late. Alex called his parents while we were on our way, they had been off doing Saturday errands or something. I dropped Alex off at the entrance to the emergency room. It took a few times circling the parking lot to even find a spot but I did. When I finally put the car in park things started to weigh down on me. Jasey was in labor, the baby was coming. Not only that but the baby was coming early. That could mean a whole list of horrible things I could not even bring myself to think about. Things that would hurt Alex way more then anything Jasey ever said to him. Fear gripped my heart like an icy claw. I had to pull myself together before I went into the hospital to find Alex. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed the number of the only person I thought could help me.

“Yes, Jack.”

“Mom?” I questioned as tears began flowing freely. I really needed her.

“Jack whats wrong?” she asked her voice filled with concern.

“Jasey went into labor. I took Alex to the hospital. I'm scared.” I quickly answered between sobs.

“Jack sweetie calm down. You need to be calm for Alex. Everything is going to be okay. Just let the doctors and nurses do their job.” she instructed.

“I can't calm down I tried. I was able to keep it together for Alex. But he went inside while I went to park the car and I just lost it. He is so excited about this baby. If something goes wrong its going to crush him.” I worried.

“You can't think like that honey. Things can go wrong with any pregnancy. You just have to stay positive. Tell Alex everything is going to be fine, and no matter what happens just try to stay calm. Stay calm for Alex, that is what he needs. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. Do you want me to come down to the hospital?” she asked, her voice calm and soothing.

“No, I mean I want you here. But I don't think Alex will feel better if you are here. He is still worried that you hate him.” I explained.

“Okay sweetie, call me if you need me. Let me know how the baby is doing.” she replied.

“I will Mom. I love you.”

“Love you too sweetie.” she hung up, and I looked in the rear view mirror to see if I looked like I had been crying. I did my best to calm down and wipe my face off. I kept repeating the words my Mom had told me in my head, trying to stay calm. I slowly walked towards the entrance to the emergency room trying to keep myself calm, even though with every step I got more anxious. I walked up to the reception desk in the emergency room, and was given directions of where Alex was. He was in a waiting room for the neonatal unit. In any other situation I would have laughed at him. He looked so silly and out of place covered in yellow paint. His legs were shaking violently, and he kept ruffling his hair every couple seconds. I took a deep breath and walked over to him. No matter what happened I would not lose my cool in front of Alex. It was the only thing I could do to help, and I was going to do it.

“Hey.” I whispered softly as I took the seat next to him.

“They took her in for an emergency c-section.” he whispered back. I laid my palm flat on his back and rubbed small circles, trying to do anything that could possibly be comforting.

“It will be okay. The doctors know what they are doing. I'm going to be here as long as you want me here. Is there anything you want me to do?” I asked hoping I could get him some water or something. The longer I sat next to the boy I loved watching him fall apart, the harder it was to keep it together.

“I don't think so. Just sit here with me. I don't want to be alone.” he replied just above a whisper.

“I'll never leave you.” I answered wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He leaned into me, and having the close contact seemed to calm us both down. We sat there for hours and it seemed that everyone else in the waiting room was getting good news about healthy babies. It made me even more desperate for good news about Alex's baby. Alex's parents arrived a while after we did but then left to go get us clean clothes.

Finally after what felt like an eternity a doctor came out and walked over to our little group. Jasey's parents had been in the room with her. Alex quickly jumped up when the doctor addressed him, and he wiped his palms on his jeans nervously. I stood up after him and put my hand on the small of his back.

“The c-section was a success. Jasey is going to be okay. The babies lungs were slightly under-developed so she will have to be on oxygen to help her breath. It should only last a few weeks while her lungs develop more. She may have problems like asthma or other respiratory illnesses in the future. She was very lucky though.” the doctor explained.

“She? I have a daughter?” Alex asked excitedly.

“Yes, you do.” the doctor said with a smile.

“Can I see her?” Alex asked with a hint of desperation in his voice. It was cute really. He had been dying to meet her ever sense he found out Jasey was pregnant.

“A nurse can take you into the preemies nursery. Your daughter is in an incubator, and there are a lot of wires and such monitoring her vitals. It looks a lot worse than it is.” the doctor assured. Alex was the only one allowed in to see that baby at first. I was okay with that, I thought he should have his family see her first. I was kind of scared to see her. Being a preemie she would be so small and fragile. That just scared me. So while Alex went in to see his daughter for the first time I walked outside to call my Mom like I promised.

“Jack baby, how is everyone?” she asked before I could even say hello.

“Jasey is fine. They did an emergency c-section. The baby is going to be okay. She is on oxygen because her lungs were slightly under developed. The doctor said she is really lucky and her lungs should develop in a few weeks.” I explained quickly. I was so relieved that the baby was okay.

“That's great. How is Alex?” she inquired further.

“He seems fine. They let him go in alone to see the baby. He was so excited. You should have seen his face when the doctor told him the baby was a girl.” I said with a smile. I had never seen him look so happy.

“I'm glad, and how are you?” she asked like she had really wanted to ask that question first.

“I'm okay. Alex seems happy. The baby is okay. I think things will finally get better. I'm just worried about how Jasey is going to act now that the baby is born.” I answered honestly.

“What do you mean?”

“She was always so mean to Alex. I don't want that to keep going on now that the baby is here. Besides, what if she doesn't want Alex around the baby? That would crush Alex.” I explained.

“Lets not worry about what ifs. Lets just enjoy this moment right now. Okay baby?” she asked.

“Yeah Mom, you're right. Thanks for being here.”

“I'll always be here. You're my baby.” she said with a laugh.

“JACK!”

“Mom, Alex is calling me. I'll call you back later.” I exclaimed. Alex was running from the hospital exit towards me.

“Jack, oh my god. You won't believe what Jasey said.” he yelled, gasping for breath.

“No probably not. What's up?” I asked searching his face for hint.

“She said she doesn't fucking want to see the baby. She wants nothing to do with her!” Alex yelled. I could tell that he was angry, but I think I could see some relief in there too.

“That's crazy.” I yelped.

“Yeah, so she's all mine I guess. That's what Jasey told the nurses. I can't believe I'm a single dad at eighteen.” Alex replied in disbelief.

“Your not on your own. You have me.” I assured him, pulling him into a bone crushing hug, that Alex quickly returned.