I've Done Something So Terrible

Aubrey had been home for nearly a month and I still had not found the words to tell Alex how I really felt. May was driving me up the wall constantly telling me how chicken I was and that I just needed to tell him already. I knew she was right but everything between Alex and I was so good. I came over to his house every other night to watch Aubrey while he was at night school. I was getting more and more attached to her. I didn't want to ruin that. Besides Alex kept saying all these stuff about how I was such a great friend, and no one else would help him with Aubrey like I did. The more he said friends the more I was sure he would never want to be with me. So I kept talking myself out of telling him, but I knew I had to soon. I was going crazy wanting to tell him.

Tonight was not one of my nights to watch Aubrey so I was sitting at home working on homework and college stuff. I was sitting in the living room with the TV on low. I wanted to get ahead on my stuff because it was impossible to get anything done with Aubrey. She was adorable, and needy, and distracting. She was a lot like Alex in that way.

I worked until midnight when I finally gave up. I moved all my papers and books up to my room and was about to get ready for bed when my phone started vibrating. It was Alex. My heart stopped. The last time he called me this late on a week night was when he found out Jasey was pregnant.

“Hello?”

“Jack can you come over?” Alex whimpered.

“Yeah, what's wrong?” I asked. He sounded like he was gonna cry and I could hear Aubrey wailing in the background.

“She won't stop crying. I don't know what to do, and my parents are at my aunt's house and won't be back till tomorrow. Please help me.” he pleaded.

“Okay I'm on my way right now.” I said hanging up the phone and grabbing my keys and wallet. I knew my Mom was already asleep. I also knew she would kick my ass if I just left without telling her where I was going. I wrote her a note and left it by the phone where hopefully she would see it. I drove to Alex's house as fast as possible, and rushed in without knocking. Alex had a crying Aubrey in his arms. His hair was sticking up in all different directions, which under any other circumstances would have given me impure thoughts, but tonight he just looked so sad.

“Oh thank god. I've tried everything.” Alex exclaimed when he saw me.

“You fed her, you changed her, is she warm?” I asked.

“Yes I fed her, I changed her. She doesn't feel warm. She just won't stop crying. I tried singing to her. She usually loves that.”

“Okay let me see her.” I said holding my arms out for the baby. Alex quickly handed Aubrey to me and then looked anxiously from me to the baby. “Okay now take your shirt off.” I told him.

“What why?” Alex asked crossing his arms across his chest.

“It will calm her down feeling your skin on hers. My Mom told me it was the only way she could get me to stop crying when I was a baby. Trust me it works all the time.” I explained. Alex shrugged and did as I told him. I gave Aubrey back to Alex and he snuggled her up to his chest. I put a blanket around them so they wouldn't get cold and after a few minutes Aubrey stopped crying.

“Thanks Jack.” Alex gushed when she finally calmed down. I followed him up to his room, he was keeping Aubrey in his room until she started sleeping through the night. He laid down on his bed and I laid next to him. He held her to his chest until she finally dozed off. They looked so cute like that. After Alex put her down we went down to the living room with the baby monitor so we wouldn't wake her up. I sat on Alex's couch and he followed my lead and sat next to me.

“Jack you have no idea how tired I am.” Alex exclaimed as he moved himself so he was laying down on the couch with his head in my lap. It gave me butterflies. I wasn't sure where I should put my hand, but I finally decided to just let it rest in Alex's hair. That felt normal, and better then Alex's body crushing my hand. I was nervous about touching him now that he knew I was gay.

“I know you're tired. I wish I could help you more.”

“It's not your fault. You help me way more then I expected. I don't think I could do this without you.” he said moving his head trying to get a better look at my face.

“I know you could do it without me. You're a great dad.” I told him while I started playing with his hair. He loved having his hair played with.

“Thanks but I really don't think you realize how much of a help you have been. I mean especially tonight. She would probably still be crying if it wasn't for you.”

“Well you should have known that taking your shirt off would make girls stop crying. I mean that's just common sense.” I teased. Alex laughed, and his nose scrunched up in that cute way that it does when he really thinks something is funny. I always thought he looked really adorable when he did that and it made my heart skip a beat.
“You're right, but as you know I don't have that much experience with girls. I especially try to avoid crying girls.” he replied after he stopped laughing.

“I suppose that's true.” I agreed. We sat in a comfortable silence while I continued to play with Alex's hair.

“Jack you know you don't have to help me all the time. You should be out having fun. I don't want you to miss out on stuff because your always taking care of me.” Alex said after a few minutes.

“I know I don't have to help you. I want to help you. Besides what else would I do if I wasn't with you?” I asked. I mean seriously Alex and I were inseparable.

“Well your seventeen. You should be going to parties, and dating, and having fun. You're not meant to be staying home and caring for a baby. Especially one that's not even yours.”

“Going to parties isn't as much fun without you. I love Aubrey and I have a blast when I watch her. I have more fun hanging with you and Aubrey then I have at any party.” I justified.

“What about that guy that you are in love with? The one that made you realize you were gay. Wouldn't you rather spend time with him? I just don't want you to put your life on hold. You deserve to do all the things teenagers do. You shouldn't miss out just because I am.”

“Alex seriously you are so blind.” I said shaking my head in disbelief. May and Joe were right he is totally clueless.

“What are you going on about?” he said and his whole face scrunched up in confusion, it was really cute.

“The reason I want to spend so much time with you and help you with your daughter is because I love you. No, I'm in love with you. You're the guy who made me realize I'm gay. I don't go to parties because I would rather spend every moment of my day with you. You are my best friend and no one makes me happier. I can be myself around you and I know you're going to stick around and not hate me for it. Basically what I am saying is you're everything to me.” I finally admitted. Alex sat up and looked into my eyes. I was so scared of his reaction, but he wasn't reacting. His face was blank, which was better then the look of disgust I always imagined. Still it was nerve-wrecking because at least if he was disgusted I would know how he felt and what to do. Right now I had no idea how he was feeling or what I should do, so I just sat there looking into his eyes for a clue.

“Really?” Alex asked his voice was so small I could barely hear him. He kept looking from his hands to me.

“Yes really. Why wouldn't I love you?”

“I love you too.” he replied in the same small voice.

“But just as friends right?” I asked.

“No. I mean I'm in love with you too. Jack I've been in love with you forever. I just always thought you were into girls and I never had a chance. Then when you came out you said you were in love with a guy. I never thought it could be me. I don't deserve your love. I'm a screw up. You deserve somebody perfect.”

“Alex you are perfect.” I declared. Before he could argue with me I put both my hands on the side of his face and crashed my lips down on his like I had been dying to do for so long. It took him a moment to react but then he started to kiss back, and took control. Alex climbed on top of me so he was straddling my lap and pressed his body to mine. His hands ran through my hair and it felt so amazing to be this close to him. I continued to kiss Alex for what felt like forever until he pulled away for air.

“Jack what does this mean? I mean I wanna be with you. I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“Of course I wanna be your boyfriend.” I gushed. He proceeded to attack my face with kisses. I quickly caught his lips in another serious kiss and we made out till Aubrey's cries broke us away from our make out session. We made our way upstairs and took care of her. Once she was happily back asleep Alex and I climbed into his bed and snuggled up together.

“Good night Jack, I love you.” Alex mumbled.

“Night Alex, I love you too.” I said with a huge smile because finally I knew that when I said it he knew what I meant, and he felt the same way.