The Story of Rage and Love

"I think you should call him," Said Sam on the other line.
"What?! Why should I do that?! Are you seriously taking his side?!" You asked, stunned.
"No.. It's just that.. You and I both know how Brittany can be, so I wouldn't be too harsh on Billie. I mean.. He totally adores you," She answered.
Ever since returning home, Sam seemed a lot happier. It had been about three weeks since you left Billie behind, and you were currently a total wreck. Which is why you had called Sam, but your hopes for reassuring words came to no avail, and she just reinstated your worst fears.
"I am not going to call him. I never want to speak to him again," You stated stubbornly.
"Ha- Yeah, right." Sam said sarcastically.
"Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean?" You spat back.
"It's just that.. Well, you aren't a mean person. And no matter how hard you try, you just can't be a bitch." She said, laughing. "I bet you'll be back with him within a couple weeks."
"You know what; just cause you said that, I am NEVER going to call him." You joked.
After hanging up, you threw the phone across the room, for no real reason at all. Slouching down in the couch, you sat and silently stared out the window. It was late, and the only thing you could see was the distant light of a lamp-post reflecting off the building on the street opposite of the one you were on.
Suddenly, you heard a tapping noise. You got up and looked out the window, only to see Billie Joe four stories down, throwing pebbles at the window.
You rolled your eyes, and opened the window.
"How cliche of you," You yelled down to him.
"I needed to see you," He said back, smirking at you as he spoke.
"Alright, well.. You've seen me. So you need to leave now."
"No! Wait!" He yelled before you could roll down the window. "Just one minute, then you can leave.. And you never have to speak to me again."
You bit your lip, then said, "Fine. Wait there."
Billie smiled, and you quickly put some shoes on, running down the stairs once you had. When you got outside he was waiting patiently with his arms behind his back. You raised your eyebrows, then asked, "What?"
He stared at you for a second, slowly retracing your features with his eyes. It was almost as if he were trying become reacquainted with you. You swayed back and forth uncomfortably as he did this. Finally, he shook his head, and said, "I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now. Or ever, for that matter."
You raised an eyebrow, but he continued anyways.
"I'm not entirely sure why the night with Brittany would make you this mad. I know it was wrong, and believe I've been paying for it. But I was so drunk.. I swear I don't even remember it. All I know is that, I woke up with her next to me, and a huge hangover."
"That's what pisses me off!" You yelled, tears now visable. "I HATE that you woke up with her. I hate that she slept in your arms that night. And I hate that you think I should just forgive because you were drunk.. I've gotten drunk before, but I would never do that to you." You said, coldly.
"I don't believe you! You have no idea how shattering it is to hear that the one person who matters to me the most, is sleeping with someone else!" He retorted.
"Actually, I do! What do call your night with Brittany?! That shattered me, Billie. But you dont see me going off on one night stands, now do you?!"
He stopped himself from yelling something, and instead just kicked the lamp-post.
Then he looked up at you and whispered, "Can you honestly look me in the eyes, and tell me that you don't love me anymore? If could just say it to my face, tell me that you're happy now, then I'd leave."
You stared deeply in his eyes, losing yourself in them just like you used to. Then you moved over to him, cupping his cheek with your hand. He smiled faintly, then leaned his forehead against yours.
"Billie," You whispered. "I don't love you."
He was obviously taken aback by this statement, and waited for you to say something like, 'Just kidding'. When you didn't, he slowly backed away, shaking his head.
"You're lying," He said, in disbelief.
"I'm not." You said.
He turned around and leaned his head against the lamp-post, hitting it with his palm. When he turned around you saw traces of tears on his face. All he did was nod solemnly at you, then turn and walk away.
You watched him the entire way. As he turned the corner, you got an urge to run after him, but refrained.
He was officially gone. The two of you were officially over. It was painfully heart-wrenching. You found yourself holding your hand to your chest, almost as if you were catching the pieces of your broken heart in your fist.
You weren't entirely sure why you told him you didn't love him. Part of you thought life would be easier without him. Without the drunkenness.. Without the pain.. But the other part of you was screaming at the top of her lungs. A life without Billie was like a life without air. It wasn't something you could just get rid of.
When you got back inside, you collapsed on your bed, and stared at the ceiling, before eventually falling asleep.
And when you woke up the next morning, you woke up to nothing once again. Regret held traces all over your heart. But you couldn't turn back time, and you couldn't change what happened.
Life would be less complicated with no Billie. You could get back to playing in small clubs, and enjoy being single. This was gonna be alright. You were gonna be alright.
And that's what you told yourself, as you tried to convince yourself to get out of bed.
You lied.