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The Story of Rage and Love
Dice
Everything was alright, just like he promised. Although the place on your forehead where he kissed you was sore, a temporary band-aid had been placed on your heart. Billie stroked your hair as the two of you swayed back and forth in front of your open door, and the routine that hurt so much was continued once again.
Billie Joe had become more of an addiction then a boyfriend to you, and the more you tried to get clean, the stronger the urge had become. The world believes that everything is alright as long as you both apologized, but you knew past mistakes and grudges against each other would eventually find their way into the open. But at the present moment, you chose to let go of the precedent faults, and become open to new experiences, as long as they were with him.
"I wish this could have been any other way," You said to him.
Billie shook his head, and kissed the side of your face. "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way," He whispered. "Everything is perfect."
"How?" You asked.
"Every moment I'm with you couldn't be anything but perfect," He said smiling. You grinned and buried your face in the nook under his chin, in the crescent of his neck. You could feel his chest move against your body as he breathed in and out. The repetition of your life was becoming unbearable. You could remember being here before. You could remember feeling his chest moving, and his heart beating, and you could even remember exactly what you were thinking at that moment.
Billie was right, this was no longer making any sense. You were never there for him, and he was always there for you. This was becoming more and more of a one-sided relationship, and that killed you inside. You didn't want to become someone Billie remembered with antipathy. You wanted him to smile when he thought about you, not frown.
You reached up and cupped his cheek with your hand, moving your thumb around his jaw line and feeling his skin. He closed his eyes and kissed your fingertips.
"Why do you put up with me?" You asked.
"I put up with you because you're worth it," He answered.
-------------------------------------------------
A couple days later you found yourself back in the studio at work, mulling over a new song in your head. You had written the music previous to your night with Billie, but the lyrics were just coming to you. So far, all you had written was;
I believe in an empty future
I believe in the way we are
I thought I had found a purpose
But you erased our lucky stars
Remember when I used to have a voice
Remember when I used to make a sound
I still survive in an earlier choice
The one I was lost in that you found
It fit perfectly into the first verse, and by the end of the day, of which you were supposed to be working, you had written all the remaining lyrics.
Danee walked in at about 9:00pm, and the two of you began trying to record the song. It was difficult, considering that you only had a drummer and a guitarist, but it worked. Danee put the track recorder on automatic, and you guys began blasting through the song.
I believe in an empty future
I believe in the way we are
I thought I had found a purpose
But you erased our lucky stars
Remember when I used to have a voice
Remember when I used to make a sound
I still survive in an earlier choice
The one I was lost in you found
For you I will always take the blame
I think I want you; I want you today
There's no regret here, let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; I love you today
I'm alone in an empty doorway
The one that's always left ajar
People forget were dark spot far away
Or they can't even tell what we are
We never needed anyone's approval
Just the touch of a happy hand
This is gonna be a painful removal
But I'll keep you if I can
"Stop," You said as you threw down your pick. Danee ran and paused the track.
"What? Whats wrong?" She asked.
"This song is...hard to play." You said. "It's just got a lot of, memories.." Danee nodded slowly, biting her lip. You quickly shook your head as memories of all your fights with Billie Joe came flashing through your head. "It's alright," You said. "Let's just finish this."
Danee sat back down at her drum set, and you took the song from the bridge.
For you I will always take the blame
I think I want you; I want you today
There's no regret here, let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; I love you today
I'm still alone here,
I can feel a little of your fear
I wish we could be any other way
But we never match through any of the days.
For you I will always take the blame
I think I want you; I want you today
There's no regret let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; I love you today (I love you the same)
We will never find what makes us insane
You and I were, never will be the same
There's no regret here let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; But I'm still the same
As the last chorus ended, the door to the studio opened. Billie walked in, smiling at you, with Tre behind him.
"New song?" He asked.
You nodded as you set your guitar on the stand. Billie came up behind you and kissed you on the cheek as he wrapped his arms around your waist.
"What's it called?" He asked monotonously.
You furrowed your eyebrows in deep thought. "I'm not sure," You said as you put on your jacket and began shutting off the equipment. Tre grabbed your guitar for you, and the four of you started filing out of the studio, but not before you ran back into the room, and wrote; 'Farrah Find the End', on the tape of your new song.
Once you had dropped Danee off at home, Billie and Tre bullied you into spending the night at their apartment.
"It makes me nervous," Billie said, as he turned his head and stared out the window. The two of you were sitting in the back seat and Billie had his arm around you, squeezing you tightly into his chest.
"What makes you nervous?" You asked.
"You living there by yourself. You're just a girl, you know," He said, turning to you and grinning. You smacked him on the shoulder and he leaned over to kiss you on the forehead. "But you are the toughest girl I know.."
You laughed a little, and then rested your head on his shoulder. He stroked your hair gently and the rest of the car ride was silent.
You arrived at the guy's apartment about a half hour later. Tre got out and retrieved your guitar and Billie took your hand to help you out of the car. It was late, so you were incredibly tired, and needed Billie to pull you up the stairs, but once you made it to the door you were completely awake.
Billie pulled you in and walked you over to his bedroom door. Then he slowly opened it, and you walked into a totally different room then you remembered...
The second you walked in you were blasted by the smell of roses and the warmth of a newly installed fireplace. Billie's old, gross carpeting was gone and replaced by gorgeous wood floors. You slowly entered and gaped at all the changes that had been made in such a short amount of time.
Instead of his tiny twin bed, there was a big king-size bed in it's place that was covered in roses. He had cleaned the room and put in one big dresser right next to his small one.
"What's this?" You asked, swinging your head around to look at Billie.
He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. "Will you move in with me?" He asked. "Look," He said as he walked around his room, "We'll even have our own bathroom, and you have your own sink. I cleaned it for you." You laughed and looked into the bathroom. He had cleaned it, and even put candles around the sinks and bathtub.
"This is so sweet," You said, looking at Billie with shock. He smiled and walked closer to you.
"So what do you say?" He asked, grinning.
"I say..." You looked around at how hard he'd worked to clean it and make it livable for a girl, and how much work he'd put in to painting the old disgusting colored walls into a beautiful, dark red. And he did it all for you. "I say yes," You answered slowly, looking up into his eyes. He smiled one big smile, and kissed you deeply, then the two of you collapsed onto your bed and fell asleep together.
Billie Joe had become more of an addiction then a boyfriend to you, and the more you tried to get clean, the stronger the urge had become. The world believes that everything is alright as long as you both apologized, but you knew past mistakes and grudges against each other would eventually find their way into the open. But at the present moment, you chose to let go of the precedent faults, and become open to new experiences, as long as they were with him.
"I wish this could have been any other way," You said to him.
Billie shook his head, and kissed the side of your face. "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way," He whispered. "Everything is perfect."
"How?" You asked.
"Every moment I'm with you couldn't be anything but perfect," He said smiling. You grinned and buried your face in the nook under his chin, in the crescent of his neck. You could feel his chest move against your body as he breathed in and out. The repetition of your life was becoming unbearable. You could remember being here before. You could remember feeling his chest moving, and his heart beating, and you could even remember exactly what you were thinking at that moment.
Billie was right, this was no longer making any sense. You were never there for him, and he was always there for you. This was becoming more and more of a one-sided relationship, and that killed you inside. You didn't want to become someone Billie remembered with antipathy. You wanted him to smile when he thought about you, not frown.
You reached up and cupped his cheek with your hand, moving your thumb around his jaw line and feeling his skin. He closed his eyes and kissed your fingertips.
"Why do you put up with me?" You asked.
"I put up with you because you're worth it," He answered.
-------------------------------------------------
A couple days later you found yourself back in the studio at work, mulling over a new song in your head. You had written the music previous to your night with Billie, but the lyrics were just coming to you. So far, all you had written was;
I believe in an empty future
I believe in the way we are
I thought I had found a purpose
But you erased our lucky stars
Remember when I used to have a voice
Remember when I used to make a sound
I still survive in an earlier choice
The one I was lost in that you found
It fit perfectly into the first verse, and by the end of the day, of which you were supposed to be working, you had written all the remaining lyrics.
Danee walked in at about 9:00pm, and the two of you began trying to record the song. It was difficult, considering that you only had a drummer and a guitarist, but it worked. Danee put the track recorder on automatic, and you guys began blasting through the song.
I believe in an empty future
I believe in the way we are
I thought I had found a purpose
But you erased our lucky stars
Remember when I used to have a voice
Remember when I used to make a sound
I still survive in an earlier choice
The one I was lost in you found
For you I will always take the blame
I think I want you; I want you today
There's no regret here, let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; I love you today
I'm alone in an empty doorway
The one that's always left ajar
People forget were dark spot far away
Or they can't even tell what we are
We never needed anyone's approval
Just the touch of a happy hand
This is gonna be a painful removal
But I'll keep you if I can
"Stop," You said as you threw down your pick. Danee ran and paused the track.
"What? Whats wrong?" She asked.
"This song is...hard to play." You said. "It's just got a lot of, memories.." Danee nodded slowly, biting her lip. You quickly shook your head as memories of all your fights with Billie Joe came flashing through your head. "It's alright," You said. "Let's just finish this."
Danee sat back down at her drum set, and you took the song from the bridge.
For you I will always take the blame
I think I want you; I want you today
There's no regret here, let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; I love you today
I'm still alone here,
I can feel a little of your fear
I wish we could be any other way
But we never match through any of the days.
For you I will always take the blame
I think I want you; I want you today
There's no regret let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; I love you today (I love you the same)
We will never find what makes us insane
You and I were, never will be the same
There's no regret here let alone any pain
I thought I loved you; But I'm still the same
As the last chorus ended, the door to the studio opened. Billie walked in, smiling at you, with Tre behind him.
"New song?" He asked.
You nodded as you set your guitar on the stand. Billie came up behind you and kissed you on the cheek as he wrapped his arms around your waist.
"What's it called?" He asked monotonously.
You furrowed your eyebrows in deep thought. "I'm not sure," You said as you put on your jacket and began shutting off the equipment. Tre grabbed your guitar for you, and the four of you started filing out of the studio, but not before you ran back into the room, and wrote; 'Farrah Find the End', on the tape of your new song.
Once you had dropped Danee off at home, Billie and Tre bullied you into spending the night at their apartment.
"It makes me nervous," Billie said, as he turned his head and stared out the window. The two of you were sitting in the back seat and Billie had his arm around you, squeezing you tightly into his chest.
"What makes you nervous?" You asked.
"You living there by yourself. You're just a girl, you know," He said, turning to you and grinning. You smacked him on the shoulder and he leaned over to kiss you on the forehead. "But you are the toughest girl I know.."
You laughed a little, and then rested your head on his shoulder. He stroked your hair gently and the rest of the car ride was silent.
You arrived at the guy's apartment about a half hour later. Tre got out and retrieved your guitar and Billie took your hand to help you out of the car. It was late, so you were incredibly tired, and needed Billie to pull you up the stairs, but once you made it to the door you were completely awake.
Billie pulled you in and walked you over to his bedroom door. Then he slowly opened it, and you walked into a totally different room then you remembered...
The second you walked in you were blasted by the smell of roses and the warmth of a newly installed fireplace. Billie's old, gross carpeting was gone and replaced by gorgeous wood floors. You slowly entered and gaped at all the changes that had been made in such a short amount of time.
Instead of his tiny twin bed, there was a big king-size bed in it's place that was covered in roses. He had cleaned the room and put in one big dresser right next to his small one.
"What's this?" You asked, swinging your head around to look at Billie.
He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. "Will you move in with me?" He asked. "Look," He said as he walked around his room, "We'll even have our own bathroom, and you have your own sink. I cleaned it for you." You laughed and looked into the bathroom. He had cleaned it, and even put candles around the sinks and bathtub.
"This is so sweet," You said, looking at Billie with shock. He smiled and walked closer to you.
"So what do you say?" He asked, grinning.
"I say..." You looked around at how hard he'd worked to clean it and make it livable for a girl, and how much work he'd put in to painting the old disgusting colored walls into a beautiful, dark red. And he did it all for you. "I say yes," You answered slowly, looking up into his eyes. He smiled one big smile, and kissed you deeply, then the two of you collapsed onto your bed and fell asleep together.