The Story of Rage and Love

"This fucking bag isn't gonna zip," Billie said frustrated, as he struggled to close his suitcase. You laughed, and reached over, zipping it easily and quickly. Billie looked annoyed, but swiftly recovered. He smiled and launched his lips at yours. He kissed you long and hard, before whispering in a playful tone, "You annoy me." He grinned into your lips, waiting for your response.
"I can't help it if I can do things better then you," You joked. Billie nodded sarcastically, before tackling you onto the bed. He lye there on top you for a while, just staring into your eyes.
"This is perfect," He mumbled. You could feel his hot breath blow against your skin as he spoke, and the feeling tickled your lips. You reached up and grabbed a fist full of his hair, holding on gently. Billie buried his head under your chin, and kissed your neck sweetly and softly. "I love you," He muttered into your skin. You laughed silently at the feeling, and could feel your heart flutter in both happiness and anxiousness. The moment was nearing, and even though you tried to ignore it, you couldn't let go of the restlessness the controlled your body.
And then as if the moment was ripped away from the both of you, you heard the door open and a voice call, "They're here!"
Billie toiled to stand up, and eventually picked up his suitcase, giving you the saddest look you'd ever seen. "I guess I gotta go now," He said, staring at you.
Biting your lip, you nodded solemnly, knowing that this was bound to happen again. You stood up, and Billie immediately pulled you into an unyielding hug. As soon as you let go, he turned and left without another word; it was too painful. Out of the corner of your ear you could hear the faint noise of a bus pulling out of the neighborhood, and knew he was officially away on tour now.
After a moment of silence, you called Danee hurriedly, and a couple minutes later she pulled up outside your apartment. You carefully made your way down the stairs and finally got to her car when your stomach started acting up again.
"Fuck..." You muttered to yourself. "Can we make a quick stop at the gas station?" You asked as you sat down in the seat.
"No problem," She answered, and in no time the two of you were on your way.
You walked through the glass doors into the florescently lit white room filled with cigarettes and Ramen Noodles. After quickly grabbing a few things including; Aspirin, energy drinks, and gum, You bought what you had intended to, and jumped back into the car with Danee.
Two hours later you found yourself inevitably stalling what you knew you had to do. Every time you walked past your bathroom, you looked nervously at the sink top, fighting yourself in your mind.
Finally you just barged through the door, and picked up the indicator. The blue on it had slowly changed, and confirmed your worst fear; You were pregnant. You shook it somehow thinking that may change it in some way, but of course nothing happened. The pink square remained as bright as ever. You dropped it, and let yourself fall onto the floor; Your legs being impacted under the weight of your tired body.
Tears slowly found their way to the surface, as you let your head descend and stared at the tile of the bathroom floor.
"This cannot be happening," You whispered.
But it was. As the days passed, your body showed more and more evidence of this. Your stomach aches got worse, and you head felt like it was about to implode as every second passed.
You had not told Billie, and you weren't sure if you were ever going to tell him. The fact remained that you were not ready to be a mother, and Billie Joe was especially not ready to be a father. He was away on tour, for who knows how long, and emotionally was too immature to deal with a child. At least, that's what you thought. So after nights of crying, tossing, and turning in bed, you decided you just couldn't have a baby.
Danee picked you up the next morning to take you to the clinic. You cried the entire way there, and when you arrived you had to physically force yourself to get out of the car. Walking up to the front doors you were met by protesters who were yelling at you and blocking the entrance. Danee rolled her eyes, and pulled you through the group of people angrily.
Before the glass door clasped shut, you heard one of them yell, "Baby killer!" You winced slightly, but regained composure once you sat down in the stiff, purple chairs that were provided for the patients. Danee reached over and grabbed your hand, stoking it caringly.
"It'll be alright," She said softly.
You bit your lip and nodded, but continued staring apprehensively at the white swinging door in front of you. "Am I doing the right thing?" You asked quietly, looking at Danee and hoping for some support.
After furrowing her eyebrows in deep thought for a second, she turned to you and said, "You're doing the only thing you can." There was a pause, before she continued, "Billie Joe is not ready, and you're definitely not ready.. So what kind of parents would the two of you make?"
"Not good ones, that's for sure," You sighed under your breath.
"Maybe someday," She said.
Your conscience was weighing heavily against your will as you sat there and waited. What would Billie think if he found out you had done this without even so much as telling him? He would hate you. But what if you kept it? What would happen then? Billie, away on tour, would not be able to aid you through any of your pregnancy. And even after that, he would be constantly surrounded pretty girls and smutty groupies alike. You didn't want to have to compete for his attention, especially whilst weighing so much and going through so many mood swings.
So you had made up your mind. Hopefully someday you could forgive yourself, let alone Billie Joe forgive you.
Your name was called. It all happened so fast, you felt like you were in a dream-state the entire time. The doctor led you the back room, and described the procedure. You signed a few papers, and changed into the white gown they handed you, before being brought into the surgery room.
If this was your only choice, then you knew you had to go through with it. But just before they placed the mask filled with Anesthesia over you mouth, you made one last attempt at a protest.
"Maybe.. Maybe I could do it!" You said, accidentally shouting slightly.
The nurse pulled her hand away quickly. "What?" She asked. Your mind and your heart fought continuously, and you could not decide which one you should follow.
But you settled down, and whispered, "Nothing." The nurse raised her eyebrows and covered your lips with the mask...