Something to Remember

Jimmy stressed to the point I thought his hair was going to fall out. He stressed about his hair. He stressed about his face. He stressed about his pants. He stressed about what shirt was going on his body.

I stressed about what shirt I was going to put on the table. More significantly I stressed about the shirts I was going to put on the table. None of my designs were anywhere near what I’d call complete. Since Brendon had requested changes, they just weren’t good enough.

If Jimmy would lose his hair naturally from stress, I was going to rip mine out. Violent thoughts crossed my mind as I looked at the incomplete and ghastly drawings. Papers littered my plain bed. Various drawings for the shirts were scattered. Loose papers poked out of notebooks. All were full of ideas for things Brendon had requested.

I wanted to grab the terrible sketches and throw them across the room. I wanted to rip the white papers to pieces, ball them up and burn them. They were all appalling and not worthy of being shown off yet.

I sighed to bring some peace to my mind and ran a hand through my wavy blond locks. I was going to kill Jimmy.

None of this would be happening if he hadn’t told Brendon we would meet him today. I’d still have time to fix every flaw that I saw in the designs. Instead, I had one hour exactly to pull everything together and meet everyone.

My soft steps brought me into the bathroom that had been turned into a disaster zone. The brown haired boy rushed to fix things he saw wrong with himself. His blue eyes found me in the mirror and froze. “You’re not going to meet them like that.”

It wasn’t a question. That was a statement. The tiny boy turned and came at me with all sorts of things. A hot iron ran swiftly through my hair until it cascaded perfectly down my back with slight curls. He powdered my cheeks and added a touch of eyeliner to give my dull eyes some color.

“Now go put on that navy summer dress with white poka-dots. Oh and the navy flats with a white light jacket.” He commanded sending me out of the bathroom in less than fifteen minutes.

Without a choice I did as he obeyed and dug through my wardrobe for what he demanded I wear. My eyes fell on my reflection in the long mirror on my closet. This was ridiculous. I didn’t need to look like I cared. This was a completely wrong image.

“I hate you.” I stated calmly as I gathered the papers on my bed. Jimmy only smiled as he passed me. “I’m not joking.” I ensured him. My arms wrapped around the notebooks and put them into a white tote. Our footsteps mimicked each others as they tapped out a rhythmic melody that filled the stale air.

In my mind I was sitting in silence clutching my bag to my chest. In reality Jimmy had the Panic! At The Disco CD blasting far more voluble than was necessary. I really was sitting, petrified and fearful, with my bag pressed against my body. Jimmy reached a hand over and took my own without a spoken word. Jimmy knew. Jimmy knew a lot more than I told him or would ever tell him.

The car ride was brief to my joy and displeasure. I wished for as much time as possible between the present time and the moment when I would have to apprehensively show everyone the unfinished work I currently loathed.

While it became blaringly obvious that I was diffident to like something or even find it relatively interesting. It was exceptionally even more obvious that I didn’t hesitate to point out what I didn’t like. I particularly hated anything in the colors orange and yellow. With a burning passion, I could not stand people looking at my work when it was unfinished.

I felt incomplete as it was. Critics with their judging eyes tore apart my work. When it was incomplete, I felt like they could see that in me as well. Like they could tell I was not a whole person. I was lacking in something, only part that made up a girl. Not the good part either.

I was the part that got shorted. I was the part that could only hate and pick at imperfections. My part of the whole could only see clearly in black and white. Colors disrupted my vision, shattered my thoughts and made me sick to my stomach.

“Anna…we’re here.” Jimmy spoke carefully as he stood at my open door with cautious eyes. He was scanning me, looking to see where I was breaking. Jimmy knew. Jimmy knew I was damaged goods.

With a small sigh I undid my seatbelt and took his hand to get out of the SUV he drove. “I was just thinking…” I told him to get him to stop staring me down like I would crack and scatter all over the sidewalk. “Perhaps you’ve heard of this process.” I said throwing him one of my sarcastic and moderately demeaning jokes at him.

He pushed me lightly as we both walked into the quiet café. Not many people were in the quaint place, not many people knew it existed actually. Two people stuck out quite obviously. Both had vaguely dress shirts on, one with a colorful tie and suspenders, the other with a vest. They were sitting but I assumed by their music they wore skinny jeans. The one in the vest had shaggy chocolate brown hair and a hint of eyeliner that just never washed off. The other one had black hair that was styled messy, but still styled.

Jimmy guided me over to the table they sat at sipping whatever drinks they had ordered. “Hey,” He greeted cheerfully with one of his classic smiles. “I’m Jimmy and this is Annalisa.” The two males looked up from their conversation simultaneously. The shaggy one smiled a little awkwardly. The darker haired one...his dark brown eyes so full of vivacity stared intently into my lifeless, cold grey ones.

“I’m sorry, I’m Brendon.” He smiled as he quickly rose from his seat and held out his hand for me.

It took a moment and an elbow to my side, for me to react and lightly take Brendon’s hand. I was so awestruck by the male that stood before me. When he smiled I fell in nostalgia that was impossible for me. He took me back to the boy in my dreams. They weren’t the same; I’d never been Brendon before in my life. Though both had an energetic, so full of life glow that radiated about them; they weren’t the same.

“Annalisa,” I finally replied though he knew my name and I was sure. I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was missing something very important. We both sat down, both still memorized by something we could see, but not understand in the other.

Brendon shook his head and ruffled his hair as he broke our gaze. “I’m sorry; I’m just amazed to finally meet you.” Brendon stated tilting his head to the side with another dazzling smile.

“Oh great, you can ignore your band duties for the emotionally detached recluse in person now.” The second boy, that I had almost forgotten was there, spoke in a sharp tongue that obviously knew its way around a dictionary.

A noticeable force pulled down on my lips as I recognized his voice. That voice belonged to Impatience that interrupted phone conversations with Brendon. “Oh you must be the impetuous irritant…I really imagined someone that looked a little…” I faded off to pull his attention. I could tell he was type that would bite at anything I threw his way.

“A little what?” His arms crossed over his chest as he shot his question off.

“A little less like a lesbian,” I responded and sat back in the chair without giving him even a smirk. Without emotion on my face, there would be no doubt that I was being serious.

Jimmy nervously glanced between the two of us; an uneasy chuckle forced itself out of his defined lips. “She’s funny right? Can’t even tell that she’s joking, right?”

There was a standoff between the feminine male and myself. Our eyes narrowed, both of our sharp minds went to work to tear the other apart. We were quick to examine everything we knew of the other in the split seconds that waited between the moments where the other was supposed to shoot snippy remarks. The vicious remarks pointed to hit weak points never came.

A sigh escaped his light lips as his body relaxed and the apprehension fell away. I blinked faintly never really losing my on-edge nature that constantly plagued me. The two other boys sat at the table not able to grasp what unspoken understanding had just occurred.

“Ryan Ross, it’s a pleasure,” He held his hand out making the peace offering complete.

Our hands met over the table, it was brief and curt. “Nice to meet you,” I responded not really making an effort to make the words have any weight.

“You look extremely familiar, are you sure we’ve never met?” Ryan asked obviously cutting Brendon off before the more welcoming boy could get a word out of his mouth.

My eyes lazily scanned over him once again, his done-up reflection shone in my plain eyes. “Sure as fish do fly,”

Brendon’s posture seemed to change as the words left my mouth. Ryan only glanced at him slightly before returning to examining me. “That makes absolutely no sense,” He stated folding his hands on the table behind the coffee he had.

“Where did you pick up that saying?” Brendon cut me off before I even started. He was leaning in closer, taking careful care to study me further than Ryan even.

I shrugged briefly, “Couldn’t tell you.” Jimmy had a hesitant look spread on his face as I spoke.

The attractive dark haired male continued to analyze me for a couple more moments. “Have you lived in Vegas long?” He asked obviously trying to place something familiar he saw in me.

I shook my head slightly. “Only a year and a half, since I turned eighteen.” My attention on Brendon didn’t last much longer than that. “Jimmy will you get me a vanilla steamer?” I asked not paying interest to the strange boys across the table.

The tiny male stood and shook his head at me. “You know it’s not called that anymore.”

“I refuse to change.” I retorted and crossed my arms over my chest. Soon the turned my head back to the two. “Now to talk business.”