Right Here Waiting
: Miserable At Best :
Chase's POV
[/line]
I awoke with a start.
What the fuck!
My throat was tight and I couldn't breathe very well.
My eyes felt puffy and I couldn't see much either.
My heart was beating out of my chest, sweat was dripping down my face.
I gasped for air, trying to wake myself up to get away from this horrible nightmare.
'I don't want to be here anymore!' I screamed to myself.
I felt the weight of an arm go around my waist and I sighed deeply.
It was just a dream.
A really, really bad dream.
I tried to slow my breathing and I leaned back into his touch.
"Cam, I just had the worst dream." I said, wanting to hear his voice and let him make it all better.
"Oh sweetheart. He's not here." A deep voice said in my ear.
I rolled over with a start.
That was not Cam's voice.
I felt myself scream as I tried to back away from the person who was holding me, but then hands were around me and shaking me violently.
My eyes flew open and then my mothers face came into view.
"Mommy?" I whispered.
Her eyes were brimming with tears and then she pulled me towards her.
I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
It all came back to me.
The doorbell ringing and seeing Gage.
Him being all bruised and then him telling me Cam was missing.
I couldn't take it.
Not Cam.
Not my Cam.
He always comes home.
No matter what.
That's what he promised me.
Nothing could ever keep him away from me.
"Mom, please tell me it was a bad dream. Please!" I pleaded.
I needed her to tell me it was all in my imagination.
That it was just a horrible, horrible dream and that everything was fine.
That Cam was coming back.
That I would have his arms around me soon enough, and all of this would just be a distant memory.
I felt her start to shake and that's when I knew.
This was all very real.
I felt my legs give out and I couldn't keep myself up anymore.
My mother sank to the floor with me and I felt more arms around me, and then smelt my father's cologne.
"No. No! He's fine! I know he is!" I cried.
"I'm so sorry baby." My mother murmured, her hand combing over my face.
I felt myself go numb.
I couldn't feel my arms or my legs.
I couldn't move.
I felt trapped and I was starting to hyperventilate.
I opened my mouth, trying to take in some air but nothing was happening.
Air wasn't coming to me.
I tried to push away from my parents arms and I crawled away, the sobs escaping from me.
"No. No, no, no." I cried over and over.
I felt my back hit a corner and I pulled my knees up to my chest.
No.
This isn't happening.
I'm going to wake up any second.
Any second now.
This is going to be all over.
I won't feel like my chest is hallow and empty.
I won't feel this endless pit of nothingness.
My future won't look so dark and hopeless.
Any second, and it'll be over.
I opened my eyes, but I was still here in my corner, my lungs begging for air.
I realized that I was holding my breath and I took in a ragged breath.
I looked around the room.
"Why is this room so small? Why are the walls coming closer? I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here!" I screamed.
I tried to get up but my legs gave out.
My parents rushed towards me but I pushed them away.
I didn't need their help.
I didn't need ANYONE'S help.
I crawled on my hands and knees until I made it out of my room.
I could see my front door, the sunlight bright and streaming through it.
My escape.
My way to Cam.
If I could only make my legs work.
I grabbed the table and hoisted my self up, my legs stiff but finally holding my weight.
I stumbled to the door and reached for it when it swung open.
The sun streamed in and practically blinded me.
And a tall, dark figure stood there.
My eyes widened and I reached out.
"Cam?" I asked softly.
He stepped forward and then I could see his face.
"Charlie…" I gasped.
His face was so broken and sad and I felt my legs give out.
He dove forward and caught me as we both fell to the floor.
The sobs came again and his arms wrapped around me.
I felt us rocking back and forth and the tears just kept coming.
"He's…he's gon-gon-gone. He promis---sssed that he would come back…..to me. He promised me Charlie." I cried.
I felt his tears hit the top of my hair and he kissed my forehead.
"I know baby girl. I'm so sorry." He whispered, his voice grave and cracking.
I don't know how long we sat there rocking back and forth.
It could've been a minute, it could've been hours.
All I know is that Cam is gone.
And life without him passes so slowly and doesn't have meaning.
How am I supposed to live the rest of my life this way?
How am I supposed to wake up in the morning and be okay with the fact that he's never going to be there next to me again?
The picture of my future was too much to take.
So I let the darkness take me.
I let the misery swallow me whole.
It's the only thing I can do.
[/line]
I awoke with a start.
What the fuck!
My throat was tight and I couldn't breathe very well.
My eyes felt puffy and I couldn't see much either.
My heart was beating out of my chest, sweat was dripping down my face.
I gasped for air, trying to wake myself up to get away from this horrible nightmare.
'I don't want to be here anymore!' I screamed to myself.
I felt the weight of an arm go around my waist and I sighed deeply.
It was just a dream.
A really, really bad dream.
I tried to slow my breathing and I leaned back into his touch.
"Cam, I just had the worst dream." I said, wanting to hear his voice and let him make it all better.
"Oh sweetheart. He's not here." A deep voice said in my ear.
I rolled over with a start.
That was not Cam's voice.
I felt myself scream as I tried to back away from the person who was holding me, but then hands were around me and shaking me violently.
My eyes flew open and then my mothers face came into view.
"Mommy?" I whispered.
Her eyes were brimming with tears and then she pulled me towards her.
I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
It all came back to me.
The doorbell ringing and seeing Gage.
Him being all bruised and then him telling me Cam was missing.
I couldn't take it.
Not Cam.
Not my Cam.
He always comes home.
No matter what.
That's what he promised me.
Nothing could ever keep him away from me.
"Mom, please tell me it was a bad dream. Please!" I pleaded.
I needed her to tell me it was all in my imagination.
That it was just a horrible, horrible dream and that everything was fine.
That Cam was coming back.
That I would have his arms around me soon enough, and all of this would just be a distant memory.
I felt her start to shake and that's when I knew.
This was all very real.
I felt my legs give out and I couldn't keep myself up anymore.
My mother sank to the floor with me and I felt more arms around me, and then smelt my father's cologne.
"No. No! He's fine! I know he is!" I cried.
"I'm so sorry baby." My mother murmured, her hand combing over my face.
I felt myself go numb.
I couldn't feel my arms or my legs.
I couldn't move.
I felt trapped and I was starting to hyperventilate.
I opened my mouth, trying to take in some air but nothing was happening.
Air wasn't coming to me.
I tried to push away from my parents arms and I crawled away, the sobs escaping from me.
"No. No, no, no." I cried over and over.
I felt my back hit a corner and I pulled my knees up to my chest.
No.
This isn't happening.
I'm going to wake up any second.
Any second now.
This is going to be all over.
I won't feel like my chest is hallow and empty.
I won't feel this endless pit of nothingness.
My future won't look so dark and hopeless.
Any second, and it'll be over.
I opened my eyes, but I was still here in my corner, my lungs begging for air.
I realized that I was holding my breath and I took in a ragged breath.
I looked around the room.
"Why is this room so small? Why are the walls coming closer? I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here!" I screamed.
I tried to get up but my legs gave out.
My parents rushed towards me but I pushed them away.
I didn't need their help.
I didn't need ANYONE'S help.
I crawled on my hands and knees until I made it out of my room.
I could see my front door, the sunlight bright and streaming through it.
My escape.
My way to Cam.
If I could only make my legs work.
I grabbed the table and hoisted my self up, my legs stiff but finally holding my weight.
I stumbled to the door and reached for it when it swung open.
The sun streamed in and practically blinded me.
And a tall, dark figure stood there.
My eyes widened and I reached out.
"Cam?" I asked softly.
He stepped forward and then I could see his face.
"Charlie…" I gasped.
His face was so broken and sad and I felt my legs give out.
He dove forward and caught me as we both fell to the floor.
The sobs came again and his arms wrapped around me.
I felt us rocking back and forth and the tears just kept coming.
"He's…he's gon-gon-gone. He promis---sssed that he would come back…..to me. He promised me Charlie." I cried.
I felt his tears hit the top of my hair and he kissed my forehead.
"I know baby girl. I'm so sorry." He whispered, his voice grave and cracking.
I don't know how long we sat there rocking back and forth.
It could've been a minute, it could've been hours.
All I know is that Cam is gone.
And life without him passes so slowly and doesn't have meaning.
How am I supposed to live the rest of my life this way?
How am I supposed to wake up in the morning and be okay with the fact that he's never going to be there next to me again?
The picture of my future was too much to take.
So I let the darkness take me.
I let the misery swallow me whole.
It's the only thing I can do.
♠ ♠ ♠