"Mommy, Please Don't Hurt Me!"
Chapter two: I don’t get it Saarra.
I brought Tyler into his bedroom so that he could get ready for bed. We stood in front of the closet and picked what pair of pajamas he would put on. He loved being able to do everything by himself... he was very independent.
“I wanna wear the blue buzz ones today!”
Tyler was jumping for joy, he loved buzz light year. I think it was because he had someone to look up to. Someone that he could trust would always be a hero.
I puleed the pajamas that he picked off the top shelf that were lying messily next to his two neatly folded pajamas that he never wore, and put them in Tyler’s hands.
He immediately began stripping off his current outfit of overalls and a white dinosaur t-shirt and slipped on his pajamas, missing the arm hole once or twice. I guided him to the bathroom and I handed him the tooth brush lined with toothpaste and he began brushing his teeth trying the best he could. After about 15 seconds Tyler spit out the white tinted liquid from his mouth into the drain.
“Tyler, you know better. I told you that you have to brush longer than that you don’t want all of your teeth to rot do you?”
“No Saarra”
[Tyler still hadn’t quite learned how to pronounce my name yet]
“That’s what I thought, now re brush.”
“Okayyyyy”
After two minutes of hearing Tyler singing Row, Row, Row your boat he spit out the remainder of his toothpaste and spit into the drain again. When he was done, he ran straight to bed, and I followed behind him to tuck him in.
He was lying in his bed before me and I tucked him in at all sides, as if I were his mother. I thought in my head, “My mother should be doing this. This is her job. I am his mother now.”
“Good night Tye”
“Night Saarra”
“But wait, why does mommy not like me? I don’t get it Saarra.”
“Tyler, don’t say anything like that. She loves you, and me. She is just going through a hard time.”
“Good Night Tye”
I reached over him, turned off the light and walked out of the room making sure to shut the door behind me so he wouldn’t be able to hear anything.
I walked down the stairs slowly afraid to see what would be around the next corner. And I walked in to find my mother once again happy plopped in front of the television. I knew she was in a good mood, another mood change. This happened all of the time.
“Mom, Me and Tyler are worried about you.”
“What?”
“I said, me and Tyler are worried about you.”
“Why?”
“Because I think you have gone a little too far, he doesn’t even think you love him anymore.”
I got no answer. Just another dirty look. She went silent and went straight back to watching Wheel of Fortune. I felt bad for Tye and her. I don’t think she means to do what she does; I think it is just how everything came along. I still remember the days when my father used to beat her. Me hiding the closet with 2 year old Tyler on my lap, her saying, “Its okay hunny watch your brother” and her going out to fight for us. Luckily Tyler doesn’t remember any of it. But I do and the memories of him haunt me. I know he is the one that caused it. If it wasn’t for him our family would be fine. I have more hatred for him than anyone on this planet.
I turned my back and walked back up the stairs. I looked behind me to see if she would follow, but she didn’t. I was excited, because now I would be able to do what I did every night, Sneak out the back window by the tree and ride Nessa. Boy Tonight would be a wild night.
“I wanna wear the blue buzz ones today!”
Tyler was jumping for joy, he loved buzz light year. I think it was because he had someone to look up to. Someone that he could trust would always be a hero.
I puleed the pajamas that he picked off the top shelf that were lying messily next to his two neatly folded pajamas that he never wore, and put them in Tyler’s hands.
He immediately began stripping off his current outfit of overalls and a white dinosaur t-shirt and slipped on his pajamas, missing the arm hole once or twice. I guided him to the bathroom and I handed him the tooth brush lined with toothpaste and he began brushing his teeth trying the best he could. After about 15 seconds Tyler spit out the white tinted liquid from his mouth into the drain.
“Tyler, you know better. I told you that you have to brush longer than that you don’t want all of your teeth to rot do you?”
“No Saarra”
[Tyler still hadn’t quite learned how to pronounce my name yet]
“That’s what I thought, now re brush.”
“Okayyyyy”
After two minutes of hearing Tyler singing Row, Row, Row your boat he spit out the remainder of his toothpaste and spit into the drain again. When he was done, he ran straight to bed, and I followed behind him to tuck him in.
He was lying in his bed before me and I tucked him in at all sides, as if I were his mother. I thought in my head, “My mother should be doing this. This is her job. I am his mother now.”
“Good night Tye”
“Night Saarra”
“But wait, why does mommy not like me? I don’t get it Saarra.”
“Tyler, don’t say anything like that. She loves you, and me. She is just going through a hard time.”
“Good Night Tye”
I reached over him, turned off the light and walked out of the room making sure to shut the door behind me so he wouldn’t be able to hear anything.
I walked down the stairs slowly afraid to see what would be around the next corner. And I walked in to find my mother once again happy plopped in front of the television. I knew she was in a good mood, another mood change. This happened all of the time.
“Mom, Me and Tyler are worried about you.”
“What?”
“I said, me and Tyler are worried about you.”
“Why?”
“Because I think you have gone a little too far, he doesn’t even think you love him anymore.”
I got no answer. Just another dirty look. She went silent and went straight back to watching Wheel of Fortune. I felt bad for Tye and her. I don’t think she means to do what she does; I think it is just how everything came along. I still remember the days when my father used to beat her. Me hiding the closet with 2 year old Tyler on my lap, her saying, “Its okay hunny watch your brother” and her going out to fight for us. Luckily Tyler doesn’t remember any of it. But I do and the memories of him haunt me. I know he is the one that caused it. If it wasn’t for him our family would be fine. I have more hatred for him than anyone on this planet.
I turned my back and walked back up the stairs. I looked behind me to see if she would follow, but she didn’t. I was excited, because now I would be able to do what I did every night, Sneak out the back window by the tree and ride Nessa. Boy Tonight would be a wild night.