Not Even Duct Tape Can Fix My Broken Heart, Can You?

It's been four years since that awful day at the hospital, James has grown up to be like his mother, but he looked way to much like I did, he had brown hair, rich and full with blue eyes that had green speckles in them, his nose crinkled when he looked in the sun just like Kodah, that's what killed me inside so much.

Keely was just like her, her looks most of all, she acted like I did though, she had red hair, thin and beautiful, she had freckles all over he nose and cheeks, her eyes were green and had dark rims, she was always shy and quiet, never bothered a thing, she was the quiet child.

Keegan was like neither of us, he had blond hair with brown eyes, his complexion was fare and he burned so easily when out in the sun, he was a happy boy, always laughing, he barely cried, he and Keely got along great, they were inseparable.

The there was Charlie, he was like Zacky and Brian in so many ways, he had their personalities to a T, he had red hair like Keely but it was darker, he had freckles but they were on his cheeks, he was practically the joker of the family, he always made you laugh just by doing something amazingly strange and unusual, but we loved him for it.

I missed Kodah every time I looked at them, they all had her inside them and they all acted like her, strangely they never knew her but they loved her so much, they knew who their mother was, but they thought she was sleeping. I didn't have the heart to say she was dead, I couldn't come to terms that she was myself, the guys said I was depressed and in denial, but how could I not be? She was my life.

But now I have four new lives that need me, and I can't do anything stupid to mess this up, Kodah wanted me to be their for them and I would be there, hell or high water.

Then their was Zacky and Jamie's children.

Aiden and Codi, their gorgeous twins. Aiden looked just like Jamie, blue eyes with just a hint of brown, shimmering black hair, an innocent gaze. Codi was just like Zach, black hair and greenish blue eyes. Both Aiden and Codi had the same personality; they could have been the same person. Loud, playful, caring.

"Aiden! Stop pulling Keegan's shirt!" Jamie picked up Keegan and placed him next to Keely. "Codi, get off James!"

"Jamie, calm down. Their fine." I laughed at Jamie as I assured her that Codi was doing nothing wrong. Her and I we're watching the kids, all the guys we're out.

"Matt, she's practically making out with James!" Jamie pointed to Codi, who was hugging James.

"Jamie, their fine." I laughed again; she was always so weird when it came to her kids. Always making sure they weren't starting anything. "James loves Codi anyway."

"Yeah, your right." Jamie giggled at the thought of Codi and James actually having Feelings for each other. "Their four, not fourteen."

"Charlie! No!" I scolded, Charlie taking the toy out of his mouth.

"Sowwy, daddy…" Charlie said meekly.

"Mommy Jamie?" Keely pulled on Jamie’s shirt.

"Yes, baby?" Jamie looked down to her and smiled. Keely had always called Jamie her mommy Jamie. Jamie was the closest thing she had to one. The boys also did on occasion, but not as often as Keely.

"Can I have some juice, pwease?"

"Sure!" Jamie picked up Keely and walked into the kitchen. "What kind of juice do you want?"

"Apple!" Keely smiled.

"Okay." Jamie sat Keely down at the table and placed a cup in front of her. She pulled out a can of juice and poured a small amount into Keely's cup. "Here you go, Keel!" Keel, Jamie’s nickname for Keely.

"Thank you, mommy Jamie." She picked up the cup and took a sip.

"You're very welcome." Jamie smiled and walked back over to everyone else. "Matt, I'm going to steal Keel."

"Don't! I love her!" I laughed

"But I love her, too!" Jamie protested. Jamie reminded me so much of Kodah, I think that's why she and I became so close after she died, I needed someone to lean on, and call a best friend like Kodah was. But Jamie couldn't fill the void left by Kodah, no one could. "Matt? Are you okay? You just got really quiet."

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine." I forced a smile.

"You we're thinking about Kodah, weren't you?" Jamie became solemn. I nodded. "I miss her, too. She and I were supposed to be together forever. Start our families, raise our children, and grow old." Jamie's eyes began to tear up.

"Jamie, don't cry…"

"I… I can't help it. I miss her. So much!" Jamie threw her arms around my neck and cried into my shoulder. I couldn’t help but cry as well.

"Mommy Jamie, Daddy. Don't cry." James walked up to us and hugged our legs.

"Aww, come here." Jamie bent down and picked James up. He wiped a tear off her cheek. Jamie smiled and kissed his forehead. Jamie, she wanted to be their mother figure, not their mother, she knew Kodah would always be there mother. She didn’t want them to grow up with just a dad though. She really did love them like a mother, too. "Give your daddy a hug." She gave James to me.

"Don't cry, daddy." He kissed my nose.

"Okay, I'll stop. For you." I kissed his nose like he had done to me. I then put James back down, Codi hugging him again. Jamie and I laughed slightly, James hugging Codi back.

"Kodah would be proud of you Matt," Jamie said softly, making me turn around and stare at her.

"I hope she would be, I do everything for her," I whispered as I turned and watched the kids play. "And them."

"She knew you would be an amazing father, she always said that you the one man that changed her lookout on the male population, she always thought they were losers until you showed her what a true gentleman was," Jamie said smiling in remembrance, I grinned and tried to keep from crying.

"I loved her so much, I love her so much Jamie, I wanted the kids to grow up with their mother, but the heavens had to take her away from," I said, finally breaking down, Jamie hugged me.

"I know, and I wished so much that they could have, and damn Matt she's still here, you know that she watches over you and the kids," Jamie cried, Keegan looked up and walked over running his small hand through his hair.

"Daddy are you crying about mommy?" he asked softly as he looked up at me, his brown eyes seemed to gleam in the light.

"Yes baby boy, I'm crying because I miss mommy," I said nodding as I pulled him in my lap; he sighed and laid his head on my chest and closed his eyes.

"Mommy was pretty, she had hair like Keely," he said softly, out of all four children, he talked more like an adult than any of them, but he had his days where all he would do was mumble, like Kodah did.

"Yes she did, it was beautiful," I whispered, Jamie looked down at her hands then back up to me with a smile.

"I think I'm going to take the rugrats home and let you and the kids have a remembering night okay?" she said softly as she stood up and walked over to Aiden and Codi.

"Thank you Jamie, if it wasn't for you and the guys I don't know what I would have done by now," I said softly as she picked up Codi and put her under her left arm and then picked up Aiden.

"Same goes for me Matt, I loved Kodah like a sister, we were best friends, I don't know what I would have done if you guys didn't keep me sane."

I nodded and smiled as she walked out the door; I turned around and looked at the kids. "Let's go for a ride," I said softly

Fifteen minutes later Keegan was in a small tuxedo I got him for Jamie and Zacky's wedding, Keely was in a white dress, it was her Easter dress, James was in suit pants, white long sleeve shirt and a vest, and Charlie was in a white tuxedo, I was dressed in a all black suit, I had James in my arms as we walked through the cemetery gates, I glanced down at Keegan who was holding hands with Keely who was holding hands with Charlie, Keegan held my hand with his other arm as we walked through the grass.

"Guys, I want you to meet you're mother," I said softly as I kneeled down and sat James down beside his sister, they all glanced at the tombstone that read 'Kodah Jane Sanders' then back up at me.

"That's mommy?" Charlie asked with wondering eyes.

"Yeah baby, I want everyone to say hello to mommy," I said as I softly pushed on Keely's back to make her step up a little.

"Hi mommy," she whispered as she kneeled down in her white dress on the wet muddy grass, I went to stop her but I could hear Kodah in the back of my head laughing and saying Oh Matt she's a child, let her get dirty in her white dress, it will clean out and if it doesn't oh well.

"Daddy?" James turned to me.