Not Even Duct Tape Can Fix My Broken Heart, Can You?

"Yes, baby?"

"What happened to mommy?" he said softly.

"Mommy…" I sighed. "Mommy is in a better place now. She… She had to leave."

"Oh…" Charlie hugged me; he must have noticed that I was beginning to cry. Charlie was able to sense emotions well for his age. "Daddy?" He looked up to me. "Can we have two mommies?"

"Why would you want two mommies?" I gazed in his eyes.

"This mommy and mommy Jamie," he said softly

"Oh, Charlie. Mommy Jamie…" I didn’t know what to say. "Mommy Jamie…" I was at a loss for words.

"What about mommy Jamie?" A voice came from behind the tombstone. I looked up and saw Zacky, his eyes watered up.

"Zach, what are you doing here?" I stood up.

"I come down here a lot. To visit Kodah…" Zacky rubbed his eye. "Jamie is out with Codi and Aiden."

"Does Jamie know you're here?"

"No, I never told her that I come down here a lot…" Zacky shook his head. "I miss her. It's like we all lost a piece of ourselves. Especially Jamie and you. Both of you lost something so important to you, more important than life. I can't even imagine."

"Yeah…" I nodded somberly. "Where did Jamie take the kids?"

"Grocery shopping. But they should be back by now." Zach said softly. "I'm not even sure why I came down her when I knew I didn't have much time."

"It's okay Zacky, you can go home alright? Kodah knows you visit her," I said smiling sadly up at him; he nodded and kissed the kids on the head before he walked away.

"I don't want another mommy," Keely said softly "I want my mommy."

"Baby," I said slowly, it was breaking my heart to see her like this, she was so much like Kodah it's unbelievable, I remember when Kodah was mad at her dad for remarrying.

---------Flashback---------

"No dad! I won't want you to marry her, she's not my mother!" Kodah screamed as I walked into her fathers shop, I glanced around to see where they were and seen they were on the Z Isle.

"Baby, I love her and she'll be a great mother-" her father tried to say as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I don't want another mother, I have one dad!" she screamed as she pulled away. "Marry her I don't care, I'll be gone before I get a chance to meet her anyway."

"Now Kodah you will not leave you're only seventeen-"

"I will leave, my birthday is in a week dad, I know what you're trying to do, since mom died you have tried you're damnedest to get another mother for me and the kids, but face it dad you divorced her, you moved away from her, why would you want to get us another one when she just died!" Kodah screamed as I walked up, her father turned around and placed his palm to his forehead as he sighed.

"Matt can you please talk to her," he whispered

"I'll try," I said softly as I walked over and smiled down at her. "Want to talk about it Kodah?"

"No Mattie, I don't want or need to talk about it, I don't need another mother, you only get one and she's gone, I don't want to replaced her," she said shaking her head as tears ran down her face.

"Baby," I said softly as I pulled her into my arms. "No one will ever replace her."

----------Flashback Ending--------

"No one will ever replace her," I whispered as I closed my eyes, trying to fight back the tears as I pulled Keely over to me and hugged her gently. "You're mommy is in heaven and she's watching over you, she doesn't want a replacement she just wants us to be loved."

"Do we ever get a mommy?" Charlie asked as he pouted his bottom lip.

"Charlie bear, you have mommy Jamie who is you're aunt that can be like a mother to you and you have you're mommy who lives through you every day, if you need anything else you just tell me."

"I need mommy," James whispered as he touched her tombstone, I sighed and stood up holding Keely.

"Come on boys, we need to get home and get you all bathed and in bed," I said as I held my hand out for Charlie, he grabbed James' hand and James grabbed Keegan's hand.

--------- ---------

"Daddy. Daddy, wake up. Mommy Jamie's here with Uncle Zach." Keegan was attempting to shake me.

"Who?" I turned around and smiled.

"Mommy Jamie and Uncle Zach!" I could hear Keely giggling.

"Hey, baby!" Jamie laughed and then grunted, she must have picked her up. "Where's daddy?"

"Daddy is sleeping." Keely giggled some more. "Uncle Zach!"

"No, she's mine!" Jamie was laughing hysterically.

"Nuh-uh!" Zacky and Jamie must have been playing with Keely. "Show us where Daddy is…"

"Okay!" I heard a small thump, Zach putting Keely down, and then small pitter patter of feet. "Here he is!"

"Hi, Matt!" Jamie sat down next to me and pulled Charlie into her lap. "Mind if we take Keel, Charlie, Keegan, and James out for a bit? Codi and Aiden wanted a play date."

"I wanna stay with daddy!" Keegan ran into the room and jumped onto me.

"Okay, Keel, James, and Charlie then?" Jamie laughed slightly.

"Yeah, I don't mind. I need to get some errands done anyway." I nodded and sat up.

"Great!" Zach picked up Keely. "Babe, I’ll take 'em to the car and buckle them up."

"Okay," Jamie stood up and kissed Zacky softly. "I'll be out in a sec." Jamie said, Zacky nodding and leading everyone out to the car.

"Keegan, go say bye to Uncle Zach." I waved to him.

"Okay…" Keegan walked out to the living room to say goodbye.

"Matt, there's something that I've wanted to talk to you about for a while." Jamie scooted over and sat cross legged in front of me.

"Shoot…" I nodded.

"Alright. I think… I think you should start seeing other people. You know, look for love again. It's been four years, Matt. I think the kids are going to need a mother figure. Not just me, because I can't be with them every waking minute to nurture them… It's what Kodah… It's what she would want." Jamie seemed like she was forcing that out. It was true though. "And I'm sorry I'm bringing this up all of a sudden and pushing it on you and giving you a lot of pressure. You going on tour in a year, I can't watch six kids, Matt. I'm sorry. I care so much for Keel, Charlie, Keegan, and James, that's why I’m so worried. They're going to grow up deprived. Kodah would want it this way." Jamie’s eyes welled up.

"Oh, Jamie." I said softly and wiped away a tear that was falling down her cheek. She broke down and hugged me. "You right. It is what Kodah would want for them." I was starting to tear up, too. "I'll try, Jamie. I really will. But It's… It's just so hard."

"I know it is, Matt. I know…" Jamie nuzzled her face into my shoulder.

"That's all I ask." Jamie smiled slightly and I kissed her forehead. She stood up and walked to the door.

"Thank you…" I looked over to her and smiled.

"You welcome." She smiled and walked out of the house.

---------One Week Later--------

"Charlie! Get in the cart, I can't do this right now," I said as I grabbed his arm and held onto him before I scooped him up and put him in the cart, Keely giggled and started running down the isle.

This is the grocery store visits I dread.