Tell Me Where We Go From Here

We saw Frank, Ray, and Rachel all sitting at one table with coffee in their hands. All of their faces were red and stained with tears. Gerard and I joined them. “Do you want a coffee?” Gerard asked me. I shook my head no. He got up and got himself a cup.

I stared at the round table. It was wooden with at least 20 coats of finish on it. I put my hands on the table and absorbed the cold. I wanted to see Mikey; I wanted him to come to me and wrap his arms around me and love me forever. I wanted to be with Mikey…and Gerard. I have Gerard; I should be happy, right?

I got up, thinking about what I just asked myself and walked over to a nearby couch. I sat on the couch and swung my legs over. I looked up at the textured ceiling and saw dots that made lines. The lines made shapes of stuff that reminded me of Mikey. I put my hands over my stomach and closed my eyes, knowing that I was imagining things. I thought of my first try at a new school. My parents wanted me to go there for a better future. I remembered running to their house instead of my own and how Gerard was there when Mikey couldn’t be…

I got off the bus and ran. I wasn’t sure where I was going; I just knew I was going somewhere. At least 5 “Kick Me” signs had been on my back that day. I went to a Catholic school called St. Eugene. The kids were awful and I didn’t have any friends. I kept running until I saw Mikey’s house. I hadn’t seen him sense I went there. I felt like seeing the face of a friend. I ran up to their front porch, hoping he would be home. Trying to hold the tears back, I rang the door bell. Gerard answered the door and looked surprised to see me. “Oh, hey.” He said gesturing me to come in. I put my messenger bag down by the door and went to their couch and sat down. The tears were harder to hold back.
“Mikey at the eye doctor’s so…” Gerard sat next to me, “Have you been crying?” he asked. I looked over at him and bit my lip. I felt a tear run down my face. “You can tell me anything,” he said in almost a whisper.

I nodded, “I know.” I said and whipped another tear away. He put his arm around my shoulder and held me close. I leaned my head against his chest. He stoked my hair.

“Why is everyone so mean Gerard? They call me Goth everyday and pick on me for no reason. I never did anything to them.”

“People are mean because they don’t know you. As long as you know that you’re a good person, that’s all that matters.” I hugged his waist as more tears fell.

“I promise, Maggie, that things will get better. Everything will be okay.”

I woke up on Gerard’s chest. He had his arms around me and we were both sitting up on the couch. He kissed the top of my head. “Morning,” he said.

I looked around and saw Frank and Rachel having a conversation. I could tell because they were both using their hands while talking. Those two were made for each other. Ray was on the other side of the room, waiting in line for food. Though it was probably coffee. I scanned the room and saw other people sitting and eating. Some looked like patients and others were doctors and nurses on their break. I heard the double doors open to the side.

Guess who walked in; Gabby and Matt of all people. Matt’s arm was around Gabby while Gabby’s hand was in Matt’s back pocket. I looked at Gerard. He looked really angry. Gabby and Matt walked over to us.

“Hey, how’s Mikey?” Matt asked. I looked over at Frank and Rachel. Frank was getting up and walking over to where we were.

“Yeah, how’s my fiancé?” Gabby asked. Anger and sadness fell upon me all at once.

I stood straight up and said, “Fiancé? Are you really that stupid to think you two are still getting married? You’re the reason he’s in this hell hole! And if Mikey’s your fiancé then what the hell is Matt to you? Your fuck buddy?”

“That is none of your business and I’m not the reason he’s here.”

I stepped toward her. “Do you not remember what you did? While you were out screwing around with Matt, Mikey tried to commit suicide!”
She looked down.

“You’re just the same girl you were in Junior High. You’re nothing but a fucking slut.” I said venomously. She looked up, her eyes almost red. I felt a sharp heated pain go across my face.

I grabbed my cheek. I looked at her and punched her in the eye the best I could. She stumbled, almost falling down. “Oh no you didn’t bitch.” She grabbed my hair and pushed me back onto the couch. She was on top of me, digging her manicured nails into my scalp. I rolled on top of her, grabbed her hair, and slapped her face. I felt her nails dig into my arm. “Ouch bitch!”

I tried to get her hands off when someone grabbed me under the arms and pulled me back. My eyes hurt as I looked back to see who pulled me away. Frank was trying to hold me still as I struggled to get away. I kicked my leg up which made Frank let go. I heard him yelp in pain as I left the café.

I ran to the nearest bathroom I could find and went to the nearest stall. I fell to the ground as I locked the door. I broke down bawling. I put my head against the door as tear after tear came out of my eyes.

I pretty soon heard someone come in. I thought it would be Rachel but instead of Rachel, I heard two male voices. I sniffed as another tear came out.

“Hey man, you okay?” I opened the door. I saw someone with shoulder length black hair.

“Oh shit.” I said and put my hand up to my head. Another guy came from behind him. This time I recognized him. “Maggie?”