Stay

We had just gotten off the plane in Newark and were getting our bags in the car when Mikey came over to me. "So, when are you going to see Lillie?" he asked. I checked my phone. It was about 8:30 P.M. and it would take at least an hour to get to Belleville, then I would need to get my stuff into my apartment, and drive to Lil's.

"I want to see her tonight, but I dunno. It's gonna be so late once I get over there, maybe I should just wait until tomorrow," I said to him. I also was putting it off. I was so nervous. Lillie was my best friend, and telling her I loved her was going to change our relationship no matter what. Mikey gave me a look.

"Since when does Lil give a fuck what time it is?" he asked. "Go over there and do it. If you don't now, you won't." I hated that my brother knew me so well.

"Fine," I sighed. "You're right, I guess." The whole ride home, I was silent. I was wracking my brain for this to say. How was I going to tell her this?

"Dude, we're at your apartment. Get the fuck out," Frank laughed at me. I got out, got my shit out of the trunk, and waved goodbye to the guys. I'd be seeing them tomorrow with Lillie, most likely. I hauled ass up to my apartment and threw my bags in the door. I walked around, making sure no one had broken in and stolen all my shit. I took a deep breath and went out to my car. I'm ashamed to say that I talked to myself the whole way to Lillie's.

I parked across the street from her house. She lived in a duplex at the time, but the other half of the place was empty. All of her lights were off. "That's odd...She usually leaves the kitchen light on," I said to myself as I got out of my car. That's when I heard her. A bloodcurdling scream ripped through the night. I looked around. There was no way that could be coming from Lillie. Could it? Another scream rang out and I ran as fast as I could to Lil's door. The door was cracked open and I could hear her screaming. I ran in and got to her bedroom as fast as I could. The door was locked. I panicked. I could hear her screaming and crying. Thinking about it now, I remember dogs barking and people outside. I didn't know Lillie could be so loud.

I also have no idea how I did what I did. I know people talk about adrenaline rushes and being able to do incredible things when an extreme situation demands it, but I never dreamed that it would happen to me. I remember kicking Lillie's door as hard as I could and bursting in to see a man on top of her. It was dark, so I could make out anything about him. Lillie was still screaming, clawing at his face. He had a knife to her throat. I could see that he'd already cut her a little. Lillie had always been a bleeder, so there was blood running down her neck. It made me sick to see that. The guy was so much bigger than me, but something came over me. How dare he do something like this to my Lillie? Who is he, who is he to think he has the right to come into someone's house and attack them? I grabbed him by the shoulders and ripped him off of her. I saw that Lillie's clothes were torn. I heard sirens in the distance. A neighbor must have called 911. I had the guy by the throat. I was half-way blacking out but I realized I'd ended up with the guys knife in my hand. I threw it to the floor.

I don't remember much after that until the police got there. They told me that I'd nearly killed him, I'd had such a hold on his neck. Hours later, I remembered his face. Ugly bastard. After the police had him in handcuffs, I went to Lillie. She was sobbing in her bed. I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, but she didn't look at me. Her eyes were completely glassed over. She was locked away somewhere. I wrapped a blanket around her and held her. A woman officer came into the room. "You need to take her to the hospital," she told me. "Are you her husband?"

"No," I said. "She's...my best friend."

She nodded. "I'm going to need you to notify the next of kin, please." I sighed. Lillie's parents and grandparents had been killed in a plane crash the summer after we graduated from high school. She didn't have any siblings, or aunts or uncles that I knew about.

"There isn't anyone," I explained. "She has no family." The woman nodded and motioned for me to come with her. I picked Lillie up and carried her to the ambulance. There were people gathered in the street: mothers clutching their children; husbands hugging their wives; other people, their hands over their mouths, some with tears streaming down their faces. I laid Lillie on the stretcher that was waiting at the end of the sidewalk, several yards from the ambulance. A kind-looking EMT was waiting by it with a bag, wanting to make sure that there were no injuries that needed on-the-spot attention. As soon as I wasn't touching her anymore, her eyes locked onto my face, then she whirled to the EMT. When she saw him, a scream ripped from her throat. She was trying to get away but she was shaking so badly that it looked more like she was having a seizure. I've never felt more helpless than in that moment. Not when I was in rehab, not when Lillie dragged to me rehab kicking and screaming, not when my grandmother passed away - never. There was nothing I could do.

"I don't see any injuries that I need to do anything about right now," the EMT said to me. I nodded. They loaded her into the ambulance and I got in. The rest of the night is a blur. I remember calling Mikey, crying, to tell him what happened while they treated her. He, Frank, and Ray showed up. It was probably two or three in the morning. Bob showed up the next morning. He'd always been a heavy sleeper, so he didn't get Mikey's message until he woke up. I could tell he felt bad, but all that mattered was that they were there. By some miracle, the bastard hadn't raped her.

They kept her in the ICU because only the female nurses and doctors could touch her, and me. If anyone besides us came close enough to touch her, and that included Mikey, Frank, Ray, and Bob, she started screaming and crying and had to be sedated, which would make her sick and then she would pass out for a few hours. It was terrible. The worst thing was that she hadn't spoken since it happened. She didn't speak for three days. Then, it seemed like she had gone insane. She made no sense for days. She would cry for hours, silently. It was impossible to watch, but I rarely left her room. The nurses told me she got jumpy and nervous if I wasn't there, so I only left to get food. They let me go out and bring things she liked back because she refused to eat hardly anything.

When she finally became lucid again, she was confused. She didn't know where she was. She remembered what happened, but she said that she couldn't remember anything after I picked her up. A few days later, a lawyer came to get a statement from her. She still wouldn't let anyone but me and the lady nurses near her, so I met him outside. I explained the problem to him, and thankfully, he was very understanding. Other than Lillie sobbing, it went as well as it could.

The guy went to jail, no parole, a life sentence. I was glad for that. The next few weeks were hell. She slept very little and when she did, her nightmares were so bad sometimes I couldn't wake her up. Eventually, it got better. Slowly. I knew she was trying. She absolutely refused to get counseling. She said that as long as I stayed with her she'd be okay. But it was so hard. She couldn't do anything alone. When I absolutely had to be away from her, she would call me ten times asking things like should she put more toilet paper in the bathroom, was it okay for her to have a snack, could she watch TV. It was awful. She couldn't do anything without my permission because she was terrified. The girl I was so in love with was gone. Don't get me wrong, I was still completely in love with her, but it was so hard to see her this way. I missed my Lillie so much. This Lillie was terrified of herself, the world around her - everything. The only person she trusted was me.

After a bit, when Lillie was less panicked, we moved to Newark. I knew she didn't want to be in Belleville anymore. It terrified her. So, I got the apartment I live in now, I got Lillie her job, and we're doing okay.