Not Good Enough

"Raven are you dressed yet? It's almost time for your doctors appointment!" My sister yelled to me from downstairs.I sighed and stood up, examining myself in the mirror closely.I didn't look pregnant, but I sure in hell felt like it.

I grabbed my bag and proceeded to head down the stairs carefully watching my steps."Are you ready now?" She snapped at me, putting her hands on her hips.I glared, narrowing my eyes at her."You don' t have to take me.I can take a bus." I spat, walking past her out the front door.

She sighed, unlocking her car."I'm sorry just I'm really worried okay?" I huffed.She's worried? I'm the one who is fucking worried.She's not the one that might be pregnant I AM.I got in slowly and buckled myself in."You think I'm not?" The car fell silent, as if she had nothing else to say.

I looked down at my phone in my lap.No new calls, texts, voice mails, nothing.It was if he just had forgotten all about me."You miss him don't you?" I shrugged, trying not to let it all get to me.

I guess I should fill you all in, so you know whats happening.My name is Raven Marie Salvatore.I'm eighteen, and I think I might be pregnant by my now rockstar ex-boyfriend Ronnie Radke.We were together for a year and two months, that is until he broke up with me.

Right before he went on tour around the fucking country.I lightly tapped my fingers on the car window, looking out into the beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada morning sky."Are you nervous?" My sister tore me from my thoughts.

"Not really, I mean I'm trying to be as positive as possible you know?" It was true, I was just trying to keep a positive attitude during this entire trip.If I was pregnant, that could cause a lot of obstacles.But if I wasn't I would go back to living my normal life.

I flipped my phone open and read a text from my friend Bryan who happened to be in Ronnie's band and also his friend as well.He was the only one who supported me through anything and who I actually trusted.Ronnie always assumed we had a "thing" going on but it wasn't true.

I promised to keep him updated after my visit from the doctors before we parked the car in the hospital parking garage.I zipped my Marilyn Manson hoodie all the way up and putting one earphone in my left ear.The sound of The Misfits "Astro Zombies" filled my head as I walked through the double doors of the maternity entrance.

I sat in the waiting room waiting for my name to be called.I kept calm as possible until I finally heard my name being called from across the room."I'll wait out here if you want." My sister said.I nodded and headed into the rooms.

"Hello Ms.Salvatore I'm Dr.Kayne.I'll be your doctor throughout this entire thing unless your not pregnant of course." She chuckled softly, trying to break the nervous tension in the small examine room.I smiled at her and sat up in the chair."Ready for your results?" She asked.I hesitated, taking in a deep breath before shaking my head yes.

"Well Raven it looks like..you are indeed pregnant.But please keep in mind there are options in case you weren't planning on keeping the baby.Your only a month." She handed me over a few pamphlets.I handed them back to her and sighed.

"I'm gonna keep it.When will I know what the baby is?" I asked softly.She smiled and put a hand on my shoulder."You can find out in three months what the baby is going to be." I nodded and slowly got up out of the chair."Now I want you to come back every three weeks for a check up alright? Your gonna need to follow a healthy diet and drink lots of water"

I agreed to everything she said before giving her a small hug and walking back out into the waiting room where my sister was.I immediately texted Bryan the news and made him swear that he wouldn't mention anything to Ronnie about it no matter how bad he felt the urge to .But before I could send it he was calling me.

"Hello?" I answered softly."Raven are you okay? Are you gonna keep it?" He asked, worry full in his voice.I sighed "I'm fine and as for now yes, I am." I heard him take a deep breath and then exhale before coming back to the phone."I don't want you doing this alone Rave." He said sadly."But there's nothing I or you can do about it.So lets just leave it."

I knew I had sort of sounded bitchy, but it was true.It wasn't like I was going to have Ronnie to help me through any of this."I gotta go babe.But we're gonna be in Reno in a week then were playing in Vegas.Please come so I can check on you.I'll call you later okay?" I thought about it before finally agreeing.

"Alright talk to you later Bry." I said before hanging up and shoving my phone back into my hoodie pocket.I looked down at my sister but didn't bother to say anything other then "Lets go."

The car ride home was silent and aggravating before she finally spoke up."So are you pregnant?" She asked uneasily."Yep." Was all I could say, putting both headphones in my ears.

I felt bad that I was being mean to my sister, but I really was in no mood to talk about anything including the stupid pregnancy.

Once we pulled up to the house, I quickly got out and headed upstairs to my bedroom before slamming my door shut.I laid down on my bed, looking up at the empty ceiling.I couldn't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I was pregnant with Ronnie's baby.

But the only thing I could wrap my head around was that I was going to be seeing them in a couple weeks.And that was going to be the time where I find out if it either makes or breaks me.