Not Good Enough

The next morning I woke up feeling more nauseous then ever.I figured it was only going to get worse from here since I was continuing on with the pregnancy.Sleepily, I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom to take a hot shower, hoping it would help calm my stomach down.

After I got out and changed into a pair of black sweatpants and an old Motley Crue shirt that just so happened to be Ronnie's, I walked downstairs and went straight to the living room couch."How you feeling?" My sister asked from beside me.I shrugged, grabbing the remote and turning on the t.v

"Fine I guess." She sighed, but then gasped when she noticed something on the t.v "What are you looking at?" I asked dumbfounded before actually paying attention to what was on the screen."Holy shit." It was a music video for Escape The Fate.The song "Situations" was filling the room.Once it had finished, I quickly grabbed my cellphone and dialed Byran's number.It rang four times before he finally answered.

"Hello?" He yawned.It sounded like I had just woken him up."Bry I hope I didn't wake you up but why the fuck didn't you tell me ETF made a fucking video?!" I cursed at him, hoping he knew that I was now pissed off."Calm down Raven I'm sorry I was going to tell you but I had to go last night.Please don't be mad." He sighed, sounding clearly like he was sorry.

"I'm sorry just I'm really stressed out..this morning sickness is fucking killing me.Don't hate me?" I asked him hopefully.He chuckled softly and I could tell he was probably smiling."I could never hate you Rave.Your gonna come to the show in two days right?" I hesitated before answering "I already told you I was remember?" I heard complete silence on the line then that all too familiar voice that made my heart skip two beats.

"Bryan who are you talking to?" I stayed silent, listening to every word that came from Ronnie's mouth."Tell me who is it damn it!" He seemed liked he was getting mad.Probably because he knew he wasn't going to say a word.I heard a few more curses before finally just Byran's soft voice."I'm really sorry Raven." He sighed.

Something in the center of my heart made my eyes swell up with tears.Goddamn these over active emotions."Raven?" He called out to me."Yeah?" I choked back on my tears, praying he didn't notice that I was on the verge of crying my eyes out."I'm gonna change and then I'll call you back okay?" Sniffling, I looked down at my stomach and huffed."Yeah alright bye Bryan." I hung up quickly before heading back upstairs and into the bathroom.

I slumped down to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and letting the tears silently roll down my cheeks.I sobbed quietly as tears continued to fall.Hearing the sound of Ronnie's voice had burned a hole through my heart.I missed him and everything about him.Especially since now I was pregnant with his kid.I just couldn't face the fact that I was going to be a single mother.

Then someone knocked on the door softly, which made me instantly jump up and act like I was using the bathroom."Yes?" I asked whoever it was."Are you okay Raven? Do you need anything?" I heard my mother ask from the other side.I sighed and threw my hands in the air."No mom.I'll be right out." I said hoping she would get the hint and leave me alone.But obviously she didn't when she barged in."Raven! Why are you crying!? What is the matter?!"

She rushed to my side and immediately put her hands to my forehead to check my temperature. I swatted her hand away, looking at her aggravatingly."I'm just tired can you please just leave me alone?" I said shoving past her and going back to my room.

I laid down and flipped through my phone.I only had one new text message from a random number."Hey you." I texted back simply asking who it was."It's Max you dork." A smile quickly came to my face once I read that.Instead of texting him back I decided to give him a call."Max!!"I grinned widely."Hey kid.I just got a new phone so I had to get your number from Bry.How are you?"

I paused when he asked that question.Do I lie or do I not lie? I'm going with lying."I'm great how are you Max?" I said hoping that he believed me."I'm alright, your coming to the show right?" I sighed deeply."I'm sure he won't say anything..actually he really misses you." I burst out laughing "Raven!" But stopped myself when I realized he wast trying to be serious.

"No he doesn't." I said sadly."Will you please just trust me? I know Ronnie a lot better then you think.He does miss you Raven." I shook my head, not wanting to believe anything anyone said until I figured it all out for myself."Max, I trust you okay.I'm gonna go I'll talk to you later." There was a long pause until I heard him mutter something under his breath."Alright bye Raven."

Finally once I was off the phone, I dragged myself down the stairs and out into the front yard."Hey Raven." I looked up and saw my neighbor Leslie standing on the porch."Hey." I smiled down at her.She seemed puzzled and kept staring at my stomach for what seemed like forever."Are you having a baby?" She finally spoke up.I froze in my spot.Was I already that fucking noticeable? I looked around before finally back up at her."No.I've just gained a little weight that's all." I lied.

She made a face and huffed."Are you sure your not? Because my mom said she saw you at the doctors yesterday." My heart sank to my stomach and my throat tightened."Well I'm not.I'll see you later Leslie." I quickly made my way back inside and busted into my room and hid under my blankets while tears were threatening to fall from my eyes yet again.

I curled up in a ball and continued to stay hidden in my bed until the tears had finally fallen once more.As I started thinking again, I realized hiding this pregnancy from friends and family who I wasn't going to tell was going to be a lot harder then I thought.

Especially from Ronnie.