Perfect Balance

The dinner that Ebony threw me wasn’t really a success. Margo didn’t show up. Giselle was there, happy for me. Ebony went to the front to pay for us and Giselle leaned in.

“You know why Margo didn’t show up, right?” I had shook my head no.

“She’s jealous because you’re only a freshman. Margo was the first freshmen prima ballerina and I think she’d like to keep it that way; to top all of that off, she wasn’t asked the first day of class so that just made her feel even more jealous.” Giselle rushed her words as if she was afraid to say them.

It was after modern class and I quickly realized how great of a dancer Giselle really was. It was sort of lowering my already small amount of confidence. But I was slowly starting to crack Giselle’s shell. She was getting more comfortable with me and she wasn’t hanging out with Margo much.

“Elsie!!” I heard outside my door. I opened it and Giselle pounced on me.

“Whoa there!”

“Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?!”

I laughed, sitting on my bed, “Pray tell.”

"I was walking on the campus and I bumped into Maria and Wei, our ballet instructors, and they asked me to come to their prima ballerina auditions!" we jumped up and down on my bed laughing and smiling. That is until I realized I have some major competition.

“So who should I watch out for?” I meant with auditions but she led the conversation a different way.

“You mean besides, Margo?” she laughed, “There is this one guy…”

I leaned in, “Go on…”

“Well I shouldn’t talk about it…”

“Come on, Giselle!” she bit her lips before finally giving a big sigh.

“Alright so this guy, who is so hot, dated Margo last year. They were super cute together but he wouldn’t stay at her dorm long. Almost every night, he would sneak off and Margo started to get suspicious. And then he suddenly just vanished. Margo was sure that he was cheating on her. She called him a whole bunch and he didn’t answer. He finally came back two week later; the funny thing was is that he wasn’t behind on his homework or anything. It was sort of like he knew he was taking a little R&R. Anyways, so Margo was pissed and she confronted him about how she knew that he was cheating on her and he sang her a sappy love song he had written for her. He gave her his sob story and said how much he loved her. She didn’t believe a word he said or sang. So she told him that she had evidence that he cheated and that they were over. He didn’t come to school the next week. But when he did come back, he wasn’t the same. So I hear he’s been hitting on other girls and then ditching them so that they can feel how heartbroken he was when Margo dumped him.” Giselle finished, smiling.

“Giselle, how do you know all this? You’re a freshman, what would you know about what happened last year?”

“Well Margo told me of course! It was actually the first thing she told me when I moved in.”

“And what was this guy’s name?” I asked curiously.

“Darren Tviet.” I swallowed hard.

“Really?”

“Yea, he’s a musical theatre major and he—Elsie, are you alright? You look a little pale.” Giselle touched my forehead.

“No, I’m fine.” Darren Tviet. He said Ebony’s name yesterday. She’s in the same year as him. I bet he knew her when Margo was dating him. Oh God…he was using me! I was actually starting to like this guy. This would be the first since… Elsie, stop your thought process right now or you’re going to burst into tears in front of Giselle and then you’re going to have to explain to her what happened all those years ago. Stop it! I shook it out and looked up at Giselle who was staring at me for a bit.

“Anyways…so auditions are in like three days, so let’s keep focused.” Giselle said, standing up.



It was so dark. Ever since Giselle had left to hang out with Margo, I had just been curled up in a ball left with my thoughts. That's never safe. I figured Margo had planned this. Me alone. Ebony and Giselle were with her and I had Darren to think about. I hadn’t felt this strongly for a guy since. Elsie, you have to remember. I got a flash of a hand whipping in my direction and I panicked. My eyes opened. Not now, I can always remember next week or year. Darren. That subject, however dangerous, was safer than my past. My whole high school and middle school life had been filled with school work and dance. I never had time to have very much friends. I was so focused on grades and dance that I never quite got the time to think about even having a boyfriend. Except once.But I guess if dance is my study, then I have a little brain space.Not that you even thinking about Darren becoming your boyfriend Thanks mind, you help me out so much.

"Damn it!" I grunted in frustration. I can’t just sit here. My mind was on hyperactive duty and all I could think about was him. It was selfish of myself to even think he would like me. I've become one of those girls that that's all they think about, "Shit...” I grabbed my water bottle and boots and ran into the rain.

I threw my bottle and kicked off my boots in the corner and stood in the middle of the small studio that I've come to fall in love with. My eyes were glued to the person who was staring straight at me. Her hair was a rat's nest and her clothes were soaking wet. I was starting to get cold so I threw those off too, leaving me in my sports bra and spandex. I felt everything on high alert when I was like this: In barely anything, my hair down, 2 am, a mirror to watch myself, and a nice wooden floor to feel under my feet. I turned to put my music on but I realized something that almost shocked me. This was the first time that I didn't need music to feel. I didn't need music to dance like I meant it. My hand reached for the mirror, slightly hoping that someone would grab my hand and rock me.

But I couldn't wait forever.

It’s funny; I always considered my dancing style a mixture of Jazz and Broadway. But what I was dancing now was…Contemporary. I usually sucked at anything and everything Contemporary but I saw myself doing jumps and kicks you’d normally see on So You Think You Can Dance. It felt exhilarating. Yet my face was overcome with tears. I danced till my feet were bleeding and my whole body screamed with exhaustion. So I finally sprawled myself on the floor, and sang myself a quiet lullaby that my mom used to sing to me and closed my eyes.



"Let's get a smoothie," Ebony said after coming into the dorm, laying her bag on her bed.

Thank God I thought. I had been sitting in on my bed, itching for an excuse to get out. Last night I danced like I’d never had. Everything that Giselle had told me had been running around in my head and I couldn't even talk to Ebony about it because she'd went to spend the night at Margo's. When I woke up in the studio I bolted out of there and back to my dorm so that everyone wouldn’t get suspicious. Since then, I had just been sitting on my bed. I quickly jumped up and looked for something cute. Just in case I bump into Darren. I mentally laughed at myself. Like that would actually happen. Whatever, your just telling yourself that cause you know that if you keep telling yourself that that it’s gonna happen. It’s a fact. And now that you’ve had this epiphany, it’s not gonna happen. Why is it always my mind that gets paranoid.

I got my hat and coat cause it looked truly freezing out. Ebony had a sort of mad strut going on so I kept my silence. Once we got to the small smoothie shop on the corner, we ordered and sat on the vintage chairs.

“So Ebony--” I started.

“You know what I hate?” Ebony interrupted. She had this angry look on her face and I got the slightest feeling that something went down last night.

“No I--”

“When people purposely shove you aside.” I scrunched my eyebrows. She looked up from her smoothie and had rejection written all over her face, “Once Giselle had told Margo that she was invited to the auditions of prima ballerina, Margo revealed that she was invited too. I was the only one who wasn’t called, wasn’t pulled over, and wasn’t even considered for the auditions of prima ballerina. And Margo knew it. She ignored me the whole night. Every time Giselle tried to include me, Margo would leave the room.”

“That’s horrible!” I took her drink and put it aside. I squished my fat body into the seat that she was in and wiggled till she was on my lap. My hands stroked her fine hair as she curled in a ball.

“We’ve been friends ever since I was a freshman!” The only thing that I couldn’t stop thinking is the fact that Margo would ignore me and not Giselle. Even though we’re both freshmen and we’re both gonna be at auditions. It didn’t make sense. Is Giselle going to ignore me now? Ebony sniffled and I turned my attention back to her.

“It’s okay, shh. Look Ebony, she wasn’t your only friend right? I mean there’s always me! Good ol’ Elsie?” She looked up at me and laughed.

“Yea, I guess you’re right,” she smiled.

“Good” I sighed.



It was the day of auditions and best thing was? I was early. I got out of bed bright and early, had myself a nice bowl of Fruit Loops and a glass of disgusting waking up drink Ebony likes so much. I left the dorm at least an hour before the actual auditions were. I was half way there when I bumped into someone, “Sorry!” I said as I bent down to help with the books that fell out of the guy’s hands.

“No, its ok,” he said. I stopped moving and looked up slowly. I saw the beanie covering his swooped hair and jumped back so that I was on my butt. He looked surprised for a second then his eyes changed. It went from confusion, to recognition, “Elsie?” He put his hand out for me. I got up on my own and didn’t touch it. He slid it into his pocket. I turned and walked the other direction.

“Elsie!” He turned me around so I was looking at him, “It’s me, Darren. Don’t you remember?”

I shrugged off his hand, “Yea.”

“Well then why were you walking away?” His eyebrows knit up and a cute crease appeared between them. I looked down, trying to clear my head.

“Cause I’m um…trying to stay out of trouble.” I finished under my breath.

“Out of trouble?” He sounded confused then a dry scoff fell from his mouth, “I get it.” I looked up and saw that he was still looking at me, “You got the scoop didn’t you?”

“Yea…”

“Well, I’ll tell you something straight from the source: Margo is a lying whore.”

“What?”

“What have you heard?”

I kept quiet, looking down.

“Elsie,” His hand went under my chin and tilted it up, “We’re friends right?” I didn’t say anything, “And friends help each other out right? Help me tell you the truth.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed a bit, “I heard Margo broke up with you cause you were cheating and that now you…” I stopped.

“Now I what?” His lips were inches from mine and I felt his hot breath on my face.

“Now you uh…” focus, “Use girls.”

“Wow.” He pulled away from me, but not before leaning in closer, “That’s a new one.”

“What?”

“She always starts new ones…”

“New what?”

“Rumors! I don’t… use girls. I swear she’s just trying to ruin me.” I made a mental note that he didn’t say anything about cheating.

“So she just makes stuff up about you?”

“It’s Margo, what do you expect?” He laughed dryly, “So now that you know that I’m not creepy and use girls. Would you try not and ignore me?” I laughed.

“Yea, I’ll get right on that.” We stared at each other for a bit before he took a deep breath.

“Well I have to get to class and I think you have to get to auditions.”

“How do you know that--”

“Word travels fast,” he smiled, “Here,” he tossed his phone at me, “put your number in.” I did, “I’ll give you a call later and you can tell me how your auditions went.” I gave it back to him and smiled.

“I’ll hold that to you.” He laughed.

“You know, I might just like you Elsie.” My cheeks flushed when his bright smiled flashed once more. I could hear him snickering as he walked away.

You know, I might just like you Elsie. His voice rang in my head. He probably meant as a friends. Right? I check my phone for the time. You know that’s not the reason your checking. Damn it! Auditions were in 7 minutes and I still had to stretch. I knew that the only way I was going to do well was if I stretched long and hard. Looks like now I’m going to have to test my limits.