Uncharted Territory

Reagan

I was walking through the streets of Massachusetts trying to collect my thoughts. Today had been the first day of my trial and it was definitely affecting me but that wasn’t what was bothering me the most. I was most upset that Kennedy had still been mad at me when I left for Massachusetts. The past two weeks had been nearly unbearable. Kennedy refused to talk to me until I told him why I had to go to court; I didn’t’ want to though so he would just sit silently and glare at me. He’d also made comments about how he wasn’t surprised that our parents practically kicked me out. I knew he was just angry and didn’t mean those words but they still hurt.

With Kennedy’s and my fight in the back of my mind it was nearly impossible to concentrate in court, especially when he walked in. He didn’t look any different; he still looked like the perfect image he tried to portray. I knew what he truly was like but I seemed to be the only one. Everyone else seemed to believe his image. I would have loved to have Kennedy there with me but I knew it was better that I didn’t get him involved in this mess. My therapist was there so that helped a little but it wasn’t the same as having Kennedy there for me.

After about seven hours the judge finally called it quits for the day. He said it should just take a couple more days before the case was wrapped up. My therapist, Dr. Coates, was driving home but I told her I was going to walk back. It was just a couple blocks from the courthouse to her house and I really needed some time to myself to think.

I finally made it back to Dr. Coates’ house and walked in. Dr. Coates had been my therapist since my family and I, minus Kennedy, moved out east. She quickly became like a second mother to me since she was close to my mother’s age and had no children of her own. It sometimes felt weird that I had a better relationship with my therapist than I did with my own mother.

Dr. Coates was in the kitchen and called out, “Reagan, there’s someone here to see you. They’re out on the back porch.”

I walked towards the backyard wondering who my visitor was. I got to the porch and saw that familiar lanky boy with the dark hair sitting on the porch swing.

He looked up at me and softly said, “Hey Rae.”

I sat on the other end of the porch swing, a few feet from John. “Hey John. What are….what are you doing here?”

John looked at me with pity in his eyes and I immediately knew he’d found out about my past.

“You know, don’t you?” I sighed.

“I don’t know…I mean I know something but I don’t know if it’s the truth,” John paused to collect his thoughts. “After you left Kennedy googled you to see why you had to go to court. We read some of the articles online and figured they were at least partially true. They were pretty brief articles but gave us a bit of an idea of what happened. Kennedy feels horrible about everything he said to you. He wanted to come out here but figured there was a reason you didn’t tell him about this so he wanted to respect your privacy. We figured you’d need someone to support you though so I came out here.”

“Thank you, I really mean it,” I whispered.

John scooted next to me and wrapped his arms around me. “Rae, what happened? I want to hear it from you, not from some news article.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as the memories once again came flooding back. I knew I needed to get this off of my chest and tell someone I could trust, someone who wouldn’t decide a verdict after I told my story.

“I didn’t really go to parties at Harvard. They weren’t my thing and I just felt uncomfortable at them. My roommate Rachel really wanted me to go to this one party with her last February. She was dating Luke, one of the guys on the basketball team, and the basketball team had just won a big game so there was a party to celebrate. I didn’t really feel like going but I told Rachel I would.

Once we got to the party I just grabbed a bottle of water instead of alcohol. I didn’t want to get drunk and be vulnerable to where someone could…someone could take advantage of me.”
I paused as I felt the tears filling my eyes. John didn’t say anything. He just hugged me tighter and sat there patiently letting me finish.

“Anyway, I’m not sure what happened. One minute I was fine and the next I began to feel really dizzy. Luke noticed that I wasn’t feeling well so he took me up to one of the bedrooms in the frat so I could ‘rest.’ Once we got up there though he pushed me down on the bed and then he…then Luke raped me.”

As soon as I said those words I could feel John tense up but I continued because I knew if I stopped I might not be able to finish my story. “I tried to fight him off but I was so dizzy and weak that it was no use. As soon as it was over I threw my clothes on and ran out into the hallway bawling. I found Rachel and tried to tell her what happened. She was furious when she heard what Luke had done so she ran off to find him. Luke admitted to sleeping with me but he said it was my fault. He said that I’d seduced him because I’d always been in love with him and Rachel believed him. She was my best friend and roommate but she believed Luke instead.
After that school was unbearable. Rachel told everyone about how I’d seduced Luke and tried to break them up. I became known as the campus slut. I went to the administration but they said this case was too big for them to handle. I figured they didn’t want to handle it since Luke was the star of the basketball team and his family donates a lot of money to Harvard. Since the school wouldn’t do anything I went to the Cambridge city police. People kept calling me a liar and a fake though so as soon as school was over I decided that I’d quit Harvard. I went back home but my parents were furious that I quit Harvard. I didn’t tell them about what went on because I was worried they wouldn’t believe me since nobody else did. That’s when I moved out to Arizona.”

John sat there in silence for a few moments and just let me bawl into his chest.

“The worst part of all of this is that I hate myself. I hate that I let that happen to me and I hate that I’m so weak,” I cried.

“Reagan Elise, you did not let that happen to yourself. That fucker took advantage of you and it was in no way your fault. You’re not weak…you’re one of the strongest people I know. Not many people could have survived that. They would have just given up.”

“I ran away though. Instead of staying at Harvard I ran away to Arizona.”

“There’s no way you could have stayed at Harvard with everyone believing Luke instead of you. Hell, even the fucking school believed him. Most people would have quit school altogether if that happened. They also wouldn’t have gone to the Cambridge police like you did. They would have just accepted that no one believed them and quit fighting. Instead you took a chance by traveling across the country to reunite with your brother and start over at ASU. Rae, that took a lot of guts and strength. You are in no way weak so don’t think for a second that you are.”

“Thanks John, that means a lot to hear you say that, it honestly does. It gets so hard to not back down when everyone is against you. So many people said I had made the story up I almost started to believe them,” I muttered.

“You can stand me up at the gates of hell but I won’t back down,” John softly singing. “No I’ll stand my ground, won’t be turned around.”

“And I’ll keep this world from dragging me down,” I jumped in.

“I thought you said I’d never get to hear you sing,” John smirked.

“That was a one-time thing, so don’t get used to it. Besides, how can you not sing to Tom Petty?”

“You like Petty? You are my kind of girl,” John said as I quickly turned away to hide my blush. I knew that John shouldn’t have this effect on me but he did.

John suddenly turned serious once again as he asked, “So what do you think Luke, or I guess someone else, did to get you feeling bad? I mean it sounds as if you were drugged or something.”

I shrugged. “I’m guessing I was roofied. I looked up the symptoms on the internet and they sound similar to what I have. I’m pretty sure it was Luke who did it because he was right there when I started feeling bad almost as if he was waiting for me. I only remember setting my water down once though. I set it down when my friends and I took a picture so I’m guessing that’s when Luke put it in my drink.”

John sat there silently and I could tell he was furious.

I reached out and lightly touched his arm. “What’s done is done, John. I can’t change it now. I wish I could but I can’t.”

“I know. I’m just furious that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve that. I just want to find this Luke guy and make so he can never touch another girl ever again.”

“I am fighting him though. Sure, it’s in court instead of a physical fight but I’m standing up to him and that’s the best I can do.”

A silence once again fell over us. John broke it a few minutes later. “If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only have three things what would you choose?”

I smiled at John thankful for the subject change. Playing honesty sounded much better than talking about the Harvard incident. “I would choose a plane with enough fuel, a pilot, and a GPS.”

“What? That’s cheating!”

“How’s that cheating? I don’t want to be stranded on an island so I’m going to do something about it.”

“Fine, I guess I’ll accept that answer,” John grumbled.

I smiled triumphantly. “What’s you most embarrassing moment?”

“I hate this question,” John groaned.

“You don’t have to answer, I’ll win though.”

“No, I’ll answer. My most embarrassing moment was The Maine’s first concert.”

I waited for John to go on but he didn’t so I said, “Give me details. Why was it embarrassing?”

John sighed. “I was so nervous that I had my back to the audience the entire night.”

I burst out laughing. “So they had a view of your cute butt instead of your face all night?”

“Yeah, it was embarrassing…wait, did you just call my butt cute?”

“No, you must have misheard me,” I instantly began blushing.

“No, you said it! You said my butt was cute. Reagan thinks I have a cute butt. Reagan thinks I have a cute butt,” John began singing and dancing around.

“Fine, I said it. Don’t let it go to your head though.”

John sat back down and hugged me. “Don’t be embarrassed, Rae. Anyway, I think you have a cute butt too.”

I thought it was impossible for me to blush anymore but I was wrong. “Okay, can we just change the subject?”

“No, I like talking about how you think my butt’s cute.”

“Reagan, John, dinner’s ready,” Dr. Coates said as she opened the patio door and stuck her head out. I was extremely thankful for her perfect timing.

John and I stood up as a thought occurred to me. “Wait, are you staying here, John?”

“Yeah, Dr. Coates said I could. Also, I’m going to court with you tomorrow because I figured you could use some support.”

Without thinking I threw my arms around him. “Thank you so much, John.”

“Of course Rae, I’ll always be here for you. Plus, I wouldn’t want you to miss my cute butt too much.”

I rolled my eyes as I followed John into the house. In all honesty there was no one else besides John I’d want here with me, and that thought scared me.