Uncharted Territory

Reagan

I threw the last thing in my suitcase and zipped it up before surveying my room one more time. Today was the day I was moving back to Massachusetts and I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget anything. I was going to be back in Arizona for Grace and John’s wedding but I would only be here for a couple days before heading back east.

Once I was satisfied that I had packed everything I needed I began making my way outside where Kennedy’s car was parked in the driveway. He had promised me he would take me to the airport and I knew his goodbye was going to be one of the hardest. I was avoiding the other person I was sure I’d have a hard goodbye with. Part of me knew I should tell John that I was leaving but a bigger part of me was worried that I would break and end up telling him that he was part of the reason I had made the decision to move back east.

“Are you all packed up?” Kennedy asked as he came out of the house and joined me by the car.

“Yep. Dr. Coates said she’d go with me to go furniture shopping for my apartment this weekend.”

“So are you still going to go to your therapy sessions with Dr. Coates?”

“I think so. I’ll have gone to a different college every single year for three years. I know I technically only went to two schools but it’s still a big change, especially finding you again and then leaving. Plus, I just like having someone to talk to about whatever is going on in my life.”

“You don’t have to leave, you know.” Kennedy said and I knew he was still hoping that I’d change my mind and stay. He was happy and proud that I was going back to Harvard but I knew he had gotten used to having me around this past year and he was going to miss me.

“Yeah, I kind of do,” I sighed and I knew he knew what I was referring to. “I’ll be back here during breaks though.”

“I know. I’ll just miss having you around,” Kennedy said as he hugged me.

“I’ll miss you too. Enough of this though. Let’s save our goodbye for the airport. I don’t want two goodbyes with you; that’s too much to handle,” I chuckled.

“I know what you mean,” Kennedy said before pausing and looking at something behind me. “Um, Rae? I think you might need to handle something.”

“What do you mean?” I asked but Kennedy didn’t say anything; he just nodded at whatever was behind me. I turned around and saw that John had driven up while I was talking to Kennedy and was now standing about ten feet away from me. I sighed but knew there was no way I could avoid him so I walked over to him.

“Hey John, what’s up?” I asked after a few moments of silence because it was apparent John wasn’t going to be the first one to speak.

“Don’t start that bullshit with me, Reagan. You know why I’m here,” John spat.

“Actually, I don’t.”

John rolled his eyes. “Why the hell did you think it would be a good idea to not tell me that you’re moving back to Massachusetts to attend Harvard? Instead I have to find out from my fiancée that you’re moving. That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” I shrugged.

“Not that big of a deal? Are you fucking kidding me? You mean more to me than that and I thought I meant more to you.”

“Fine, I should have told you but I didn’t because I knew you would try to make me stay.”

“Of course I would try to make you stay! Your life is here,” John exclaimed.

“Can you give me a reason to stay?” I asked and in that instant we both knew this question was the climax of our honesty game. It was unlike all the other questions we had asked but that’s probably why it had the potential to be the last one.

“Joel.”

“We decided to just be friends. Maybe down the road after college if I move back here we can try a relationship again but for now it’s on hold.”

“ASU.”

I scoffed. “Please, John. Yeah, ASU is a good school but I’m going back to Harvard.”

“Kennedy.”

“He knows it’s best for me to go to Harvard. We’ll still see each other when I come here on breaks.”

John was silent and I was becoming impatient – Kennedy and I needed to leave soon to ensure I made my flight.

“Do you have any other reasons John? Because so far the ones you’ve given me aren’t good enough.”

John paused and, even though I knew I shouldn’t, I hoped he’d give himself as a reason for me to stay. I hoped he would admit his feelings for me and say marrying Grace was the wrong thing to do.

He didn’t do any of that though. Instead, he gave a defeated look and shook his head as he said, “No.”

I nodded my head and said. “It looks like you’ve lost honesty. My question was to see if you could give me a reason to stay and none of your reasons were good enough. I’m leaving. I’ll see you when I come back for the wedding.”

I marched over to Kennedy’s car and ignored his sympathetic look all while making it a point not to look back at John.

As soon as Kennedy got in the driver’s side I turned towards him and said, “Drive, please. I just really need to get out of here.”

Kennedy nodded but thankfully didn’t try to comfort me; he knew I just needed silence for the time being.

As we drove away I finally allowed myself to look back and saw John standing in the exact spot I had left him. I had hoped against all reason that he would admit his love for me or try to run after me. He didn’t though which proved to me that my life wasn’t some sort of romantic comedy and I wasn’t the heroine that ended up with Mr. Right.