In Over My Head

The rain hammered down on the roof of my house and splashed against the balcony window like if it was hail. Maybe it was. I wouldn't know. I felt half-dead at the moment. I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling as the room went from deep night black to bright morning white.

I suppose you can say i didn't sleep well last night. I would've stayed at the hospital with Ever but they said he was gonna be getting stitches for around half the night and then he'd need to rest. What did you expect? That he died. Well I'm sorry to burst your sadistic bubble; Ever did not die. But half of me surely did.

"Pandora?" Came the faint calling of my dad's voice from down stairs. I swung my legs off the side of the bed then picked myself up. I didn't bother combing my hair as i exited my room, or even look in the mirror at all. What did it matter when my love (as stupidly cheesy as it sounds) had gone suicidal?

I climbed down the stairs at the pace of a three-toed sloth. That's if sloth's can walk at all. I wouldn't know. Jasper followed me wordlessly. I'd forgotten he'd been in the room with me. Go figure.

"Do you two want breakfast?" My dad asked as we evacuated the house and climbed aboard his vehicle. Sherry was at the Newspaper thingy working. My dad had taken a break. Though, i don't think it really matters since he does all his work mostly on the computer at home. Whatever.

I shook my head. It popped. It had been a very long night just staring up at the ceiling.

Jasper didn't answer; instead he just tugged at his white button-up shirt. He was in that and a tie with black slacks. It looked nice on him although he looked very uncomfortable. I was just in black sweatpants and a dark gray long-sleeve pullover. Like i said; nothing really matters at the moment.

My dad took that as a 'no' and started the car. I longed to stick my ear buds in my ears and drown my sorrow with loud rock music. But for some reason it just didn't feel right. So i stuck to staring out the passenger window, watching as the road passed by under us and how the fast-moving trees made me dizzy.

I was carsick. How did i not notice that before? Guess i was usually distracted.

Around half-an-hour later we arrived at the park. Yes the park were my parentals got married in. Where i nearly fell of that tree and broke my neck. Where Damian came on to me. Well, guess what? This park's so rich and huge it even has the town's cemetery in it.

It was rather pretty; especially in the rain. But i didn't want it to look pretty. I wanted it to look disastrous. Spooky. Scary. Dead.

But no. It looked beautiful.

My dad led us through the many grave sights and family plots. Usually spooky things interested me but since everything looked beautiful, my eyes kept still; staring straight. As we arrived at the funeral I noticed, immediately, that i didn't know ANY body here except Damian's family.

Strangely, the people here looked more higher-class, with expensive black suits, and embroidered black umbrellas. And then i figured that since DAMIAN'S family was here other rich people would be too. The ones mostly from North Lincoln's Pass. The rich side of town.

When we approached the gathering i stood faraway from the crowd as Jasper went to stand besides Danny (putting a comforting arm around his grieving shoulders) and my father walked up to somebody he knew. I saw Damian glance at me but I didn't give any hint of acknowledgment. Things were what they were and he knew that.

The priest or Pasteur or whomever he was, was giving a speech about Joyce's tragic depressing life. He kept on saying on how she suffered terribly without an ounce on happiness in her short damned life. I kept on wanting to interrupt him. Joyce wasn't miserable. Well, at least she wasn't when I'd met her. She loved Ever; even i could see that he was the sunshine to her day.

A tear slipped down my cheek and i let the rain wash it away. He was wrong. Joyce was the type of person that always found the bright side of every bad situation. She was a bubbly optimist with a good sense of humor. Why didn't anybody say that?

Because they didn't know her. Not even i knew her, but i at least could've guessed that much about her. And then Mrs. James stepped forward. She was as tall and blond and rich as i remembered. But she was crying this time. Not even the rain could hide that.

I stepped forward to hear what she had to say, may-as-well listen to how superficial she was going to sound; that way i could now be angry at her and keep my mind off the fact that Joyce was dead and Ever was suicidal.

"Joyce was kind" She murmured in a hoarse voice and then sobs took over her.

How predictable for her to say; goddamn these shallow people.

"...she was also stubborn" Mrs. James suddenly laughed running her hands across the Burgundy colored coffin in front of her, "She was so persistent and self-driven that she'd probably jump off a cliff into a lion's mouth to prove her point..."

Mrs. James laughed again and i stood captivated by her words, "...But she was caring. She cared about everyone and was the most self-sacrificing person I've ever met... I *sob* miss the good old days, when it was just the two of us..."

Sobs took her over again and Damian came over and wrapped his arm around her waist to support her as she walked away. But as she left i could swear i heard her whisper, "...Best friends forever, right?.."

Wow. Well i certainly hadn't expected that. I shook my head. There were surprises at every corner.

Then came the time to say our good byes. Since it was raining they couldn't open the coffin to let us see Joyce. I was more than satisfied with that. After everyone had taken their turn and started talking amongst each other, waiting for the burial to start, i came forward.

The coffin looked nearly like blood and as I ran my fingers over it i almost expected my hand to come back bloody. "I'll miss you" I whispered, "If things had been different I'm certain that I'd see you as a second mom. B-but, i just cant forgive the fact that you let.. him.. get beaten.. i-I'm sorry..'Bye.." I murmured not knowing what to say or how to contain my sorrow.

I walked away with my eyes watery and not because of the rain.

_________________________

After the funeral service we went home. I took a really long hot shower and changed into some other pair of sweatpants.

When i came out Jasper sat on my bed in a t-shirt and pajamas. We were excused from school today and he was planning to sleep the whole day, i could tell.

"Your dad asked if you wanted to go.. to the hospital, to.. y'know.." He trailed off not looking me in the eyes. Jasper had been a lot more reserved lately. But i couldn't worry about that at the moment.

I didn't answer him but went downstairs. My dad was on the computer typing away furiously. When i got behind him i only read "Death" "Mistake" "Young" and "Love" and i knew he was writing about, well, me.

My dad had the habit of getting his inspiration for writing from his surroundings and it mostly always involved me. The first novel he ever wrote was of Emelia's pregnancy and my birth.

But for some reason he never sold any of them; i mean why write 300pg books when your not going to let any one read it? Although, sometimes i did sneak a peek at what he was currently writing. He was good, but whatever floats his boat.

When he noticed me, he closed the Window's Office document and shut off the computer, "D'you want to go?" He asked me.

I nodded and led the way to his car.

_____________________

You should know that hospital's are horrible places to be at. They were a mix of emotions that turned you bipolar. Yay, babies were being born; boo-hoo, people were dying; Yay, he's cured!; oh no, she's getting sicker!. It's annoying and not a place to be when your a cloud of negative emotion.

My dad escorted me up to Ever's room after asking the secretary where it was and we stood outside the door for a moment.

"If you want to go in there alone--" My dad began asking but something inside me made me turn the doorknob and push the the door open without making any move to walk in.

The bed was messy and empty. The whole room was empty.

Whilst my father went to go ask the security and doctors about this, i just sighed deeply and leaned against the door frame. I couldn't say I'd been expecting this; for him to just leave, but knowing Ever, i guess it was plausible.