From Teenager to Daddy in a Matter of Months

I lay wide-eyed in on top of my bed with more Jack Daniel’s in my hand. Tears were still freely flowing and my heart ached for Cassie. Yesterday I was drinking so I could feel some sort of pain now I’m drinking so I don’t have to feel any pain. I can’t win either situation really.

I could see ma out of the corner of my eye watching me crying as well, I didn’t move or say anything to her. What am I meant to say? I just lost the person I trusted most in my life. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The person who knew me better than myself. Now I was alone in this world again.

“Bobbies is you sad Cassie is in heaven with daddy now?” Missy asked me as she slowly approached my face. Starring straight into my eyes. “It’s okay to be sad but member daddy will look after her and all the angels will to.”

“I know…” that was all I could say and she reached up to rub my face gently as the tears became more rapid. “I just miss her.” I choked and closed my eyes. I didn’t want her to think that her big strong Bobbie was a big pansy that cried. I don’t think she ever say me cry in her whole life.

“I miss daddy too. Do you miss Cass like mommy misses daddy?” she asked and got in beside me. “It okay if you do cause mommy’s and daddy’s are allowed be sad sometimes. I will help you Bobbies and the baby.” I smiled she sounded like a best friend telling their buddy they’d help them through no matter what.

“Thanks Missy I’ll keep that in mind.” I opened my eyes and saw ma still standing in the doorway looking at us. “Ma you okay?” she nodded and kept her focus on the dresser beside me, which was a picture of Cass, Jacoby and me at Christmas. I didn’t say anything else just moved my eyes to the wall.

“Missy could you go into Jason or Amy for a few minutes please?” Missy got out of bed and when she left ma closed the door and walked over to my side. “The hospital called a few hours ago, they have the results of the post mortem and want you to go down with Jacoby. For what? God only knows.” I lay there looking at her.

“Did she really hate her life with me that much?”

“No honey. Not at all, I just don’t think she was coping to well with her parents and a baby on the way.” She stroked my hair. “She loved you and you’re child very much no one saw this coming. No one wished for it either.” She whispered gently and I closed my eyes once again. “C’mon up, I have Jay dressed for the hospital all I need is you in the shower to smell less drunk and we can go.”

“I don’t really wanna go.” I told her like I was a young kid. “Do you know what Cass even died of?” she didn’t answer so I just went a head and told her anyway. “She died because of a heroin overdose. And before the post mortem they think she might have been shooting heroin for the past seven months. Now I’ve to go down and they’re gonna tell me exactly how she died and I really don’t want to do that.”

“If you don’t go and find out now when will you find out? When someone else that heard how she died tells you? Or when Jay is older and wants to know what happened to his mother? How would you explain to your son you don’t know because you didn’t want to find out?”

I shrugged. Then the doorbell rang. “You going to get that or are you gonna stare at me all day?” she sighed loudly and walked out. I was thinking out what she said when Jason came into the room and grabbed the bottle of alcohol off me. “Yo dude I was drinking that!”

“Shut up man. The cops have come to talk to you and you’re fucking drunk. And in case you haven’t noticed its illegal to drink when you’re under twenty one.” He picked up a bottle of cologne and started spraying me with it and gave me a chewing gum. “Now get the fuck up and go down stairs before they come up here.”

“Yes mother.” I muttered as he left. I grabbed a few half decent clothes and threw them on me before making m way downstairs to the sitting room. The second I walked in I noticed a female and male officer questioning ma.

“Hi Mr. Bryar I’m Officer Sanders and this is Officer Barker.” The male officer stood up as well as the other one and shook my hand before sitting back down. “We’re here to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind.”

“Go for it.” I said quietly.

“Where were you on January 3rd between six o clock and half ten that night?” the female asked.

“I was on my way to work at six. I was covering another guy’s shift at the garage and was meant to be there by six but Cass wasn’t home by ten to so I went on. And about tenish I was probably leaving work. My boss, Matt, can tell you that.” I told them all the information they would ask for later ‘cause I hated to be questioned by people I didn’t know or didn’t know me.

Just as one of them was about to ask me another question when Jacoby’s cry were heard through the baby monitor. I stood up to get him but ma gave me the sit down and shut up look. “If you’ll excuse me officers.” She left me alone with them.

“How are you holding up with such a young child and it says here you left high school?” the dude asked reading whatever notes he had on us in his little notebook thing. I just starred at the floor not answering their question. “I mean it must have been hard when Ms. Cruz was alive how do you expect to cope when you get back on your feet?”

“Listen officer dude my girlfriend isn’t even buried and your asking me how will I feel when I’m alone with my kid. The answer is I dun no how I will cope but I have decent brother, sisters and mother that will help me out no matter how hard it gets for us.” Just then ma walked in with Jacoby whining in her arms.

“Sorry to interrupt officers,” she said to them then turned faced to me. “He won’t settle do you want to try him?” I nodded and stretched out my arms for my baby boy. “Do you want me to stay with you while they’re questioning you?” she whispered and I nodded as I held my son for the first time since Cass died.

The dude officer shifted in his seat as he saw me feed Jacoby his bottle. “The hospital have informed us that your son’s mother has been doing heroin for the seven months and they would like to test your son for any heroin traces in his system.” He paused and looked to the female officer who continued.

“Mr. Bryar did you ever know of any health problems Ms. Cruz had before she became pregnant?” she asked and I shook my head as Jacoby closed his eyes slowly. “Did you ever miss any doctors appointments or any scans with Ms. Cruz?”

“Yeah I missed one when she was about fifteen weeks. I was at the hospital with my wrist because I have a problem with cysts in my wrists since I was a kid.” I explained in a much softer tone this time. “Why what does this have to do with anything?” I looked up to them.

“Mr. Bryar,” the female began again. “During the post mortem the doctors found that Ms. Cruz had ovarian cancer.” I just starred at her with wide eyes. “Around this appointment she was said to refuse medical treatment because she didn’t want to harm your unborn child and by the time she had given birth the cancer had spread to far for anything to be done for her. We are ever so sorry for your loss.”

For the second time in the past few days my world came crashing down around me. First I find out my love died of a heroin overdose and now I find out she was suffering from cancer but never told me.

Was I really having a relationship with her at all? Or was I just the person who supplied the money for her drugs?