From Teenager to Daddy in a Matter of Months

I sat a Cassie’s gravestone just looking at her name inscribed into the stone. I’d talk to her ask her questions hoping I would get an answer but I never would. It’s been six weeks since Jacoby was first brought into hospital, four weeks and five days ago Cassie was buried.

Which means I’ve been here every day for the past four weeks and five days. Some days I would bring Jacoby with me other times I would let Jack and his wife have him for a couple of hours.

“You know son, starring at that head stone everyday won’t bring her back.” A rough voice said. I didn’t bother to turn around. He was just another stranger who would talk to anyone in a cemetery.

“I know.”

“I’ve seen you come here with your son a lot as well.” I stiffened up when he talked about Jacoby. Anyone could talk about me, just not my kid he’s the best part of my life at the moment. “Life is unexpected kid, sometimes its results in wonderful thing other times it could be your worst nightmare. You’re going to have to learn that sometime in life. Trust me its better to know now rather than later.”

“I know.” I said again. “My whole life has been unexpected.” I sighed and looked down to the newly seeded grass. “I’ve never known my dad. Step-dad died so I had to get a job and pay for my sisters and brother so we could live comfortably. Then my girlfriend got pregnant. Her and my kid are the best things that ever happened to me.”

“I know all about your life Robert.” He sort of growled. I went to turn my head but I felt this cold hand on my shoulder and freezing breath hit against my neck. “I know because I watched your pretty little girlfriend, she was beautiful. Cassie would have lived if you didn’t put so much pressure on her…”

“N-no that’s not true. I n-never put p-pressure on her.” I shook my head and closed my eyes. “I w-would never do anything to her, I l-love her.”

“So that’s the reason you did it? Because you loved her?” it was a demonic voice an old man demonic voice. “Ah young love these days. Did you kiss your son goodbye today? Today you’re going to join that pretty girlfriend of yours…in hell”

“Mr. Bryar are you okay?” I opened my eyes to see a nurse with her hand on my shoulder. I nodded quickly. She smiled warmly, like they all did and began talking. “Dr. Lee is finished examining Jacoby.”

“Thanks.” When she walked away I sighed out loud. It was just a dream, a fucked up one at that. I was still in the hospital with Jacoby, after his temperature went down and he calmed they decided to examine him. “Hey,” I cooed at my son then looked to the professional. “So doc how’s he doing? Will he be okay? Does he have to stay in here long?”

“He is doing fine. He will be fine and no he won’t be staying here long.” He answered all my questions in one. “Now we have taken a blood sample from him so we should soon know how much or little heroin is in his system. When we do find out it’ll just be a matter of waiting for the drug to flush out of his system. We suspect he doesn’t have must in his blood but we will be keeping him in for a while after just to make sure he is healthy.”

“So I take it that’s good news?” he nodded. I picked up Jacoby carefully trying not to knock out his drip or disturb him from his sleep too much. “Thanks. So did Dr. Wills say how about Cassie when will she…you know…”

He sighed heavily. “I’m afraid I don’t know about her at the moment Bob. They are still carrying out the procedure. Back to this little man, Nurse Kelly will bring you up to the children’s ward he will be on. I will be seeing you during the week then?”

“Yeah I guess.” I followed the Kelly nurse down the hall and down to an infant’s ward. As we walked by I glanced in to one window were I saw a tiny baby hooked up to loads of machines in an incubator. When you become a parent of look after someone younger than you, your heart just breaks a little everything you see something so sad.

“That baby, Steph was born at thirty weeks. Her mother is a crack addict, alcoholic and heavy smoker. She left as soon as she could leaving her daughter to be taken care of the social services and her parents.” She stopped right in front of me and looked at the little child. Then she kept walking. “Right this will be where this little guy…Jacoby,” she read off the charts. “Will be staying. Do you want me to put him in?”

“Yeah sure.” I handed him over to Kelly. She lay him down gently in the small cot, a lot similar to the one he was in a few hours after he was born, and placed everything around him so it wouldn’t be in the way. She hooked two other machines up to him. “What are they for?”

“This navy one is to keep a monitor on his heart, don’t worry its just a precaution we take.” She reassured me. “And this red one is connected to our system in the nurses office so we can see how he is encase a heart monitor goes off in the ward. Don’t worry about a thing, he doesn’t seem to have much heroin in his system.”

I sat down beside the cot and slipped my finger into the palm of Jacoby’s hand, he gripped it tightly as he slept. “Oh…Well tanks.” She smiled and walked off. It was coming to some time after eleven and I was fighting myself to stay awake. I didn’t sleep last night and I was still full of alcohol but I wasn’t gonna sleep while Jay was here. I leaned back in the chair still holding onto Jay’s hand and closed my eyes.

“Sweetheart wake up.” Someone shook me and I shot right up to see my ma.

“I’m up, just resting my eyes.” I told her rubbing my eyes and looked out the window it was pitch black. “What time is it?”

“Half three. Darren’s parents are minding the girls and Jason. So I came to mind my other two boys. Now the nurses at the desk filled me in so I’m going to keep an eye on him while you go home and get a shower and some clean clothes.” She basically pulled me out of the chair. “Or you should at least walk around the hospital or go get something to eat in the restaurant down the road.”

I nodded in my sleeping state and just walked down the ward. I stopped when I found French doors leading out to a balcony, where I saw a chick lit up a cigarette. I slid the door open and walked out, she didn’t even turn around to see who it was.

“Hey,” I announced, walking closer to stand beside the chick, she looked no more than five years older than me. She faced me and blew out a deep puff of smoke right into my face.

“Hi,” she muttered back, inhaling another deep amount of smoke down her throat.

“Do you greet everyone with a great gust of smoke in their face?” I asked, folding my arms and leaning against the small strip of metal.

“Not really.” she glancing back at me this time however examining my facial features deeply. “Do I know you from somewhere?” she asked looking at me even more.

”Unless you’re a teacher, got your car fixed at Mattie’s garage or I sound engineered for a band I don’t really think so.” I told her, yawning. I don’t remember when I went asleep or went I last had a decent night sleep. Guess it was all catching up on me.

“My sister was flirting with you went I collected my car that one time. Now I know you.” She clicked her fingers suddenly remembering, taking another drag before dropping it over the edge onto the streets below. “I’m Michelle.” she introduced, smiling welcomingly as she put out her hand to greet me.

”So now I get the nice greeting,” I joked shaking her hand. “I’m Bob, the guy who most likely turned your sister down.” I told her looking over the city of wind all lit up, like a Christmas tree. That was the last time I truly saw Cassie happy, maybe she knew about the cancer after that.

“Sorry about that.” she laughed lightly then suddenly stopped herself as if she did something wrong. She looked stressed out I could tell by her facial features.

“Ah sure it’ll be grand. How come your out here alone in the middle of the night?”

“My nine month old boy has a tumour in the right side of his brain. He’s in surgery at the moment, and since I’m terrified something bad will happen I’m smoking to clam myself down.” Her voice came off as agitated and uncertain.

“Sorry to here about him. Hope all goes well.”

“Thanks…” I could here her rooting around in her bag then she suddenly stopped. We both went silent and all that could be heard was the soothing sound of the Chicago wind and the nosy streets surrounding. “I’m sorry I forgot to offer you…do you want a ciggy?” she held out her pack to me.

I hesitated, I mean yeah it’s bad for my health but everyone’s gotta die sometime. I had smoked before when I was like fifteen but I gave up because ma caught me and I was scared. My mind zoned to that time I got smoking when it was over I realized my body had just taken one from here packet. “Thanks…” she handed me her lighter. I lit up and took a long drag. The toxic air filled my longs and I liked it. Pleasure ran through my body, it was almost like an amazing blowjob feeling. Now that’s sad…

I heard a knock on the glass door; we both turned our head and saw a nurse standing there with charts and a blank expression on her face. “Michelle your son is out of surgery now. We are taking him down to his room now.” She was about to walk away but turned back in. “Oh Mr. Johnson and his wife are waiting outside his room. Just thought I’d warn you.”

“Thanks Von.” She smiled and took an extra long drag before flicking it on to the cars below. “Fucking ex husbands,” she muttered to herself. “I’ll see you around Bob.”

“Yeah see ya.” With that she walked off leaving her cigarettes and lighter behind.
I was going to call after her but I stopped. I could always buy her another pack, its not like I’m underage anymore. I flicked the butt down to the ground. Seconds later I found myself lighting another cigarette.