From Teenager to Daddy in a Matter of Months
Couldn't Be Much More From The Heart
“Jesus Bob, what happened to your hands?” ma gasped as I walked into the funeral home. I just shrugged and took Jacoby off her. “What did you do?” she whispered to me looking at everyone else in the room.
“Nothin’ just leave me.” I told her and walked away dragging Jay’s drip in tow. Everyone in the room was watching me walk across the room. I was done crying; I didn’t know how I just couldn’t cry anymore. The sympathy taps on the shoulder; it was really starting to annoy me.
“Listen we aren’t going to annoy you during the funeral with Jacoby but his drip will need changing around 12 o clock that will be the only time we will interrupt you.” The paramedic told me and I nodded. “I’m Cory and this is John, you need us at all here just yell.”
“Thanks dude.” I said and walked on to the coffin. Cass always said she wanted an open coffin to freak people out. I laughed when she told me, but now when I thought about it I was going to respect her wishes. I looked in, half afraid of looking, and looked at her beautiful face. I smiled at the clothes she was wearing, that was the last dress she bought before she was pregnant.
I let go off the drip stand and reached in to stroke her pale face. I noticed where they tried to cover up her scars with make-up but I noticed. They had to put something over the dress to hide her other scars. She would have told them to fuck off, if she was still alive.
“Bob its time for her to go to the church.” I turned my head slightly and I saw my granddad, he had flown in from Florida. I smiled and nodded. He knew what I was going threw. My grandma died three months after ma was born. “You’re a strong man, son.”
I took my hand away from her face. This was the last time I would ever see her. I leaned down slightly with Jacoby. “Say bye bye momma Jay,” I whispered before kissing his head. I studied Cassie’s face once more before muttering to her. “I’ll love you for ever and always.” Granddad’s hand patted my back as I stood up.
“Your mother told me you have to bring young Jacoby here in the ambulance for transport.” He pulled the drip along with him as we walked out of the home. “I’ll be staying around for a while so if you want anything just ask son, alright?” I smiled and he walked over to the car as I headed towards the ambulance.
“Alright there Mr. Bryar?” Cory asked as I approached the ambulance.
“Please don’t call me that, I feel like my fucking granddad when you say that.” I told them with a frown. The other guy took Jay as I got up and he handed him back. “Just call me Bob, never Mr. Bryar.” I muttered.
“Right that’s grand.” John said and headed for the drivers side of the ambulance. “We’ll get a head of the rest of them ‘cause we’ve to change his drip while we’re there.” I nodded.
Cory closed the back doors and sat down in the back. “Yo man, what happened to your knuckles?” he asked I pulled my free hand out from Jay and looked at my blood-ridden knuckles.
“Got a bit carried away hitting my wall,” I told him in a monotone voice. I got the questioning look from him. “Found out some shit I probably would have never known unless I was told.” He nodded.
I just sat there with Jay kicking around in my arms. The whole journey was silent and fairly boring. I couldn’t stop thinking about the letter and why the fuck Cass never told me. I didn’t whether to be pissed off or upset about the thing. It was very irritating.
“Do you want to hold him while I change his drip?” I nodded in reply as Cory began to get the drip ready. Jay let out a loud howl as his drip was being replaced. He always hated it being changed, couldn’t really blame him either I’d hate to have one of them yokes in my hand. “He has great lungs anyway.” He muttered to himself.
“Yeah and he knows how to use ‘em as well.” I said as I tried to calm Jay. In the end I gave him his bottle, which he greatly accepted. Just as he finished the coffin pulled up. I noticed my family; I got out before making my way over to them. “Ma?” I called out. She turned to look at me. “Could you mind Jay for a few?”
“Yes of coarse. Why where are you going?” I hated when mothers got like this. Asking you questions about everything. She never usually did it, but I guess now my world is completely fucked up she feels the need to check on me ever so often. “Did you call Cassie’s parents?”
“No, well yeah I tried but they don’t want to know.” I sighed heavily as I carefully moved Jay into ma’s arms. “I want to carry Cass’s coffin so I guess I can’t really carry him as well as the coffin. And you know his condition so I want you to look after him.” I told her. “I’m going to talk to Jack.” I walked away.
“Hey Bob,” Jack half heartedly said. “Our parents won’t come at all. I thought they would. I really did think they would want to say goodbye.” He whispered the last sentence. “Where is that little nephew of mine?” he asked, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “How’s he been doing?”
“He’s over with my mom.” I pointed them out. “He’s been doing pretty good in hospital lately. Doctor says he might be able to got out within the next two weeks if all stays well.”
“What do you mean ‘good in hospital’?” Jack’s wife, asked with a tone of concern.
I closed my eyes and mentally slapped myself. “Shit, the hospital never called did they?” the look on their faces told me the answer I didn’t want to see. “Jay was admitted to hospital last week. Cass breastfeed him when she was on heroin so he had traces in his blood.”
“Oh my,” she gasped. She hung to Jack for support i guess. "Is he alright? Nothings going to happen to him, is there?" she did genuinely seem concerned. About the only time I've ever seen this side of her.
"He will be fine." I told myself as well as them. "Listen Jack I wanted to ask are you carrying the coffin? I know it's a bit late, but she is your sister and i don't have anyone else she was close to carry her."
"I was gonna carry her anyway," he said softly looking into the January sky. "She's my baby sister, she shouldn't have gone first. Not this young." he pulled me into a hug and mumbled about him dying first.
I bit my lip, as he did. Isn’t it ironic that months ago he was beating me for dating his sister and now he's here hugging me because i lost his sister. "We gotta bring her in now," I whispered loud enough for him to hear.
He pulled away and we both cautiously approached the hearse. We pulled out the coffin with Jason and three of Cassie's cousins help. I looked down to the ground watching my steps as we entered the church. We set her down and went for our seats. I sighed heavily and took Jay. Today really couldn’t get any worse.
Could it?
“Nothin’ just leave me.” I told her and walked away dragging Jay’s drip in tow. Everyone in the room was watching me walk across the room. I was done crying; I didn’t know how I just couldn’t cry anymore. The sympathy taps on the shoulder; it was really starting to annoy me.
“Listen we aren’t going to annoy you during the funeral with Jacoby but his drip will need changing around 12 o clock that will be the only time we will interrupt you.” The paramedic told me and I nodded. “I’m Cory and this is John, you need us at all here just yell.”
“Thanks dude.” I said and walked on to the coffin. Cass always said she wanted an open coffin to freak people out. I laughed when she told me, but now when I thought about it I was going to respect her wishes. I looked in, half afraid of looking, and looked at her beautiful face. I smiled at the clothes she was wearing, that was the last dress she bought before she was pregnant.
I let go off the drip stand and reached in to stroke her pale face. I noticed where they tried to cover up her scars with make-up but I noticed. They had to put something over the dress to hide her other scars. She would have told them to fuck off, if she was still alive.
“Bob its time for her to go to the church.” I turned my head slightly and I saw my granddad, he had flown in from Florida. I smiled and nodded. He knew what I was going threw. My grandma died three months after ma was born. “You’re a strong man, son.”
I took my hand away from her face. This was the last time I would ever see her. I leaned down slightly with Jacoby. “Say bye bye momma Jay,” I whispered before kissing his head. I studied Cassie’s face once more before muttering to her. “I’ll love you for ever and always.” Granddad’s hand patted my back as I stood up.
“Your mother told me you have to bring young Jacoby here in the ambulance for transport.” He pulled the drip along with him as we walked out of the home. “I’ll be staying around for a while so if you want anything just ask son, alright?” I smiled and he walked over to the car as I headed towards the ambulance.
“Alright there Mr. Bryar?” Cory asked as I approached the ambulance.
“Please don’t call me that, I feel like my fucking granddad when you say that.” I told them with a frown. The other guy took Jay as I got up and he handed him back. “Just call me Bob, never Mr. Bryar.” I muttered.
“Right that’s grand.” John said and headed for the drivers side of the ambulance. “We’ll get a head of the rest of them ‘cause we’ve to change his drip while we’re there.” I nodded.
Cory closed the back doors and sat down in the back. “Yo man, what happened to your knuckles?” he asked I pulled my free hand out from Jay and looked at my blood-ridden knuckles.
“Got a bit carried away hitting my wall,” I told him in a monotone voice. I got the questioning look from him. “Found out some shit I probably would have never known unless I was told.” He nodded.
I just sat there with Jay kicking around in my arms. The whole journey was silent and fairly boring. I couldn’t stop thinking about the letter and why the fuck Cass never told me. I didn’t whether to be pissed off or upset about the thing. It was very irritating.
“Do you want to hold him while I change his drip?” I nodded in reply as Cory began to get the drip ready. Jay let out a loud howl as his drip was being replaced. He always hated it being changed, couldn’t really blame him either I’d hate to have one of them yokes in my hand. “He has great lungs anyway.” He muttered to himself.
“Yeah and he knows how to use ‘em as well.” I said as I tried to calm Jay. In the end I gave him his bottle, which he greatly accepted. Just as he finished the coffin pulled up. I noticed my family; I got out before making my way over to them. “Ma?” I called out. She turned to look at me. “Could you mind Jay for a few?”
“Yes of coarse. Why where are you going?” I hated when mothers got like this. Asking you questions about everything. She never usually did it, but I guess now my world is completely fucked up she feels the need to check on me ever so often. “Did you call Cassie’s parents?”
“No, well yeah I tried but they don’t want to know.” I sighed heavily as I carefully moved Jay into ma’s arms. “I want to carry Cass’s coffin so I guess I can’t really carry him as well as the coffin. And you know his condition so I want you to look after him.” I told her. “I’m going to talk to Jack.” I walked away.
“Hey Bob,” Jack half heartedly said. “Our parents won’t come at all. I thought they would. I really did think they would want to say goodbye.” He whispered the last sentence. “Where is that little nephew of mine?” he asked, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “How’s he been doing?”
“He’s over with my mom.” I pointed them out. “He’s been doing pretty good in hospital lately. Doctor says he might be able to got out within the next two weeks if all stays well.”
“What do you mean ‘good in hospital’?” Jack’s wife, asked with a tone of concern.
I closed my eyes and mentally slapped myself. “Shit, the hospital never called did they?” the look on their faces told me the answer I didn’t want to see. “Jay was admitted to hospital last week. Cass breastfeed him when she was on heroin so he had traces in his blood.”
“Oh my,” she gasped. She hung to Jack for support i guess. "Is he alright? Nothings going to happen to him, is there?" she did genuinely seem concerned. About the only time I've ever seen this side of her.
"He will be fine." I told myself as well as them. "Listen Jack I wanted to ask are you carrying the coffin? I know it's a bit late, but she is your sister and i don't have anyone else she was close to carry her."
"I was gonna carry her anyway," he said softly looking into the January sky. "She's my baby sister, she shouldn't have gone first. Not this young." he pulled me into a hug and mumbled about him dying first.
I bit my lip, as he did. Isn’t it ironic that months ago he was beating me for dating his sister and now he's here hugging me because i lost his sister. "We gotta bring her in now," I whispered loud enough for him to hear.
He pulled away and we both cautiously approached the hearse. We pulled out the coffin with Jason and three of Cassie's cousins help. I looked down to the ground watching my steps as we entered the church. We set her down and went for our seats. I sighed heavily and took Jay. Today really couldn’t get any worse.
Could it?