For You

August 1st, 2011
4:45 PM
Location – Thunderbay, Ontatio
Jordan

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I ask Marc after we sit on the front porch for a good two minutes in silence after my outburst. Marc is refusing to look at me at this point, because he is shocked that I punched him. I’ve never in my life punched my own brother, even during a hockey game. Today was the first time I punched my brother, and I was hoping it would be the only time, whether or not it was out of rage or for no reason.

I guess there is always a first for everything then.

“Tell you what?”
“You know what I’m talking about Marc. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You still had Heather, I wasn’t going to tell you.”
“Even when I did break up with Heather in March, you still could’ve told me.”

Marc runs his hand through his hair now, as he lets out a sigh of frustration. I’m frustrated, and if anything, he shouldn’t be the one frustrated. He didn’t witness someone get abducted but can’t recall what the abductor looked like. He wasn’t in love with Azalia, I was. “Marc, the least you could’ve done was told me, even if I was with her or not,” I add in, trying to get him to say something.

Marc was never really the smart one of our family. Sure, he had good looks, but he was never smart. If anything, he didn’t use common sense, like with telling me Azalia was in love with me. He was my own brother though, and I will say this, he was always there when I needed him. I know its so cliché to say that about your family, but Eric and Marc were always there, Marc especially.

“I kept my mouth shut because I knew you were trying to recuperate from the whole break up, but I didn’t know until now you broke up with Heather for Azalia. And why on earth would you think I’d fuck with Azalia’s head like that?”
“What are you talking about? I saw the way you were attempting to charm her the night we met her and her family you dumbass.”

Marc is laughing now, in the midst of all the madness that is unfolding, he’s laughing. I feel a burning sensation in me, all because I was thinking of Azalia and her fake blue eyes that she only had when she was trying to hide the fact she was sad. The blue contacts that made her eyes look like the ocean.

“Remember when we got in the car that night, remember what I said?”
“That you had the balls to say what I couldn’t say to her?”
“I was basically talking for you.”

This was the only thing I like about having older brother’s, they can speak for you when you feel like your vocal chords have been ripped out of your body, like mine felt when I met Azalia. Marc took the words out of my mouth that night, and I thought he was doing so to fuck with her head. He wasn’t. He was doing that because he knew I couldn’t do it, so he did it for me.

“Thank you for that Marc.”
“Don’t thank me, I’m your brother, I have your back. Why’d you get the feeling she was in love with me?”
“She was…I remember she found out you were engaged…god she was not happy.”
“I remember…that’s when I found out she was in love with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I found her outside on the deck on New Years when we were all in Raleigh for New Years…she looked so upset…that’s…well…”
“Well what?”
“It was then I told you loved her.”
“I can fucking kill you. How’d she take it?”
“She was pretty surprised…then she said she should’ve realized it before when you broke up with Heather because you wouldn’t really tell her who the other person was.”

A smirk comes on to my face as my eyes begin to tear up. It seemed like yesterday it was New Years. The only reason I refused to tell her who the other person was when I told her I broke up with Heather was because I wanted to wait until the right moment to tell Azalia she was the person. I wanted to wait until the right moment to tell her I loved her. Who would’ve known that plan was just going to back fire because I thought she was madly in love with my brother?

“She loves you so much Jordan. You can see it in her smile and eyes. I remember she came to stay with Lindsay and I in New York in March. She was glued to her phone because the two of you were texting…god that smile each time her phone would vibrate, you can see it, she was happy.”

“Well…I fucked up royally this time, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t. Jordan, what happened today wasn’t your fault, it was an accident that no one saw coming. You punched the guy because she was scared and you wanted to protect her.”
“You know I’d die for her, right?”
“I know you would. Go find her.”
“That’s not going to happen.”

Marc and I turn our heads to see Jared sitting next to us on the porch. He looks emotionally drained and his eyes are swollen. Once I had my outburst after the cops left, he tried to go sleep off his emotions, but in reality, he couldn’t do it. He was scared for his best friend. “The story was just on the news. The cops then called us and said not to attempt to go find her since we don’t have a goddamn lead.”

“This is bullshit,” I mumble under my breath.
“You’re telling me?”

Memories of when Azalia and I first began talking were flooding my mind now. I remember the day I first texted her like it was yesterday. I was heading to training camp and texted her. I remember bitching about Heather, which she told me just to dump her. I felt my eyes water some more as the thought of Azalia was coming to my mind from when she first met Heather. They had gotten into a heated argument during dinner, in which Azalia won.

“Jordan, are you crying?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You’re such a liar,” Marc mumbled as I let out a sigh. “I promise we’re going to find her and she will be alive.”
“And when we do find her, I will kill the man who abducted her, and I swear I will kill him with my own two hands.”

And when I set my mind to something, I usually make sure it happens.