Suicidal Memories

Banner By: The Amazing Kallie

Finally no more tears seemed to be getting out soon. Too bad that didn't change the painful throbbing in my head from crying so hard for so long.
Not counting with the pain taking over my heart.

I felt sick in my head, slightly dizzy and weak. I only made it to the bathroom with my hand grasping everything it could to keep me up.

I doubt anything could leave me better now. Not after what happened.

The water running down the sink could be cleaning the traces of tears and make up stains but it wouldn't wipe away my suffering.
It's amazing how in one moment you can feel the happiest person alive, just to in the next minute have it all taken away. Every single bit of joy. Each and every piece of happyness.

I knew I had to be strong and hold on, not for me but for my son. Aaron deserved the best.
I wanted to be able to give him all he needed, I wouldn't take it if my son had the same luck as me.
He deserved better in life than to live it mourning over the past.

So I had to keep on for both of us. I wouldn't fail him like I failed towards every other aspect of my life.

My eyes looked empty and cold, having been stripped from hope, as they focused emotionless on the road ahead of me.
Easy exit.
Maybe if I didn't hit the break on the next stop things would be simpler. Maybe.
Not that I would do it. I simply resumed to park in front of my mom's house and walk to the front door trying to ignore the knot on the tip of my stomach.

The door was open as always. I was thankful, for it would spare me from some time alone with my thoughs as I waited.
I stepped in the old hallway, more memories flowing through my mind.

The first time me and James kissed.

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We stood in my hallway with little smiles on our faces.
"So hmm I loved tonight. Thanks for everything."
A bit of red crept on my cheeks causing his smile to grow.
"I'm glad you liked it, I didn't want it to be too cliché...", he confessed with a light chuckle.

Our eyes kept meeting in innocent glances, causing more butterflies to irupt all over me.
"You could never be cliché."
His eyes glinted naughtly, "Wanna bet?"
I shrugged not knowing what to expect, but not once after did I complained about how cliché his act was, because for as cliché as it might sound I felt on the top of the world as he kissed me at my front door.
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I had to stop doing this to myself, I had to stop thinking of him 24/7.
But that's the problem.
Not matter how hard I tried, he was always on my mind.