Suicidal Memories

Amazing banner By: KalliePie

I felt restless as I laid on my cold and empty bed hours later. The conversation with my mom hadn't brought me the confort I had hoped for and that I so desperatly needed.
Emptyness had settled in.

Numb. That's how I felt.

Think happy thoughts, I told myself. Think happy thoughts.
But how could I?
Happyness reminded me of him. Every sad, fun, exciting, melodramatic, naughty, cute moment.
Everything brought his face to flash in my mind.

There was no point in laying in that bed, eyes focused on the ceiling. I should be able to identify every pattern on it by now.
I just couldn't make myself get up.
A sigh escaped my lips as I rolled to my side, cuddling more in the sheets.
I knew I had to do something.

Light burst in my room as the little form of my son sneaked in, in little hesitant steps.
"Mommy?"
I moved my head up so I could face him better, his big blue eyes instantly landing on mine.
I couldn't help but to notice how his light hair, just like mine and James's originaly were, fell over his bright and curious orbs, or the silly curves it made. I was the one to blame for that.
His pouty lips slightly open as he let out soft breaths.
Exactly his father's image.

A sweet smile took place of my lips as I noticed he was still standing there, waiting for an answer from me. A soft motion with my head was all he needed before he came running to my open arms, nuzzling his face on my neck.
"What's wrong baby?" I questioned, stroking his hair in a caring way as I brought him inside the sheets and closer to me.
"Mommy is sad."
"Oh baby," I sighed as I craddled him in my arms. "Mommy is okay, you don't have to worry."
He stared at me with a serious adult-like look on his face.
"Yes I have to worry. Uncle Brian said I'm the man of the house now. He explained me I-I have to take care of mommy."
My little son could always put a smile on my face, for as unintentional as it was.

Another smile graced my features, "Yes you are my little man."
Soon giggles filled the air as he tried to escape my attempts to tickle him.
"I love you mommy," He stated, cupping my cheeks with his little hands, still a bit out of breath from giggling.
I smiled, softly nuzzling my nose to his, "I love you too kido."

Sometimes I wondered, what would be of me without my son?