Suicidal Memories

Banner By: KalliePie

A feeling of emptyness settled in again as James stood up from the couch he had been sitting at with me and Aaron.
The little hope that had began to grow inside me started to slowly fade away, completely vanishing from my being.
"I'll bring him back at the usual time."
I couldn't help but to die a little at the cold and distant tone he was using on me. I was pretty sure there was something bothering him but once more, why would he trust me on it?

Giving it a deep thought I didn't even know what felt worst, the numb and emotionless way he was acting towards me or the jerk-like, pissed off one.
I would even let him beat me up again if that was all I could get from him. I just needed some reaction. Anything.
"Give news please, you know I can't sleep without knowing if he's okay."
"Mhm."
Sighing at his lack of reaction I end up zipping Aaron's jacket, nuzzling and smoothing my little baby with kisses after.
Giggles left his lips as he tried to get away, snuggling more against James's chest.

Just then the sound of my phone ringing echoed through the house, causing me to whine at the bad timing.
"Don't leave yet, please James. Please."
Taking one last look at my boys I hurried to the kitchen, picking up the phone.
"yeah?" I spoke into the receiver.
"Hey huni."
A weak smile crept on my lips at the sound of Brian's voice coming from the other end.
"Hi BriBri. What's up?"
I impatiently tapped my foot on the floor, wanting to go back to James as quick as possible.
"Not much. I wanted to invite you to a party I'm giving next weekend."
"Hm sure. Can we talk about that later?"
"Okay sweetie. Give me a call when you can yeah?"
"Yeah I will. Buh bye Bri."
"Bye Lyn."
The line went dead.

Throwing the phone on the counter I quickly made my way to the door, expecting James to be standing there with our son in his arms; only to be met by an empty hallway.
"James? James!"
I ran outside hearing the sound of a car getting started in the distance.
"James wait where are you going??"
I couldn't quite comprehend the look on his face as his eyes stared deep into mine, but it caused this knot to apper in my stomach.
"I guess 'we won't ever work out'."
All the hope I had regained over the last hours was completely crushed.
Because everything was still a mess.
Why had I said such thing?
Was hoping for a happy ending too much?

It hurt so bad to have him walking out on me like that.
I wondered how our friends would react when they got to know everything was going more and more wrong everyday.
Talking of it, I couldn't help but to wonder how would that party go.
A feeling inside me told me it wouldn't go too well, but I think I didn't even have any idea of how bad that "not well" would really be.
I wish I had known sooner, maybe I would be ready for the breaking news the man I loved had prepared for me.
Maybe I wouldn't be so devastaded.