Suicidal Memories

It’s so ironic the way things happen. Just when you think you can handle the worst life kicks you in the ass and proves you were gravely mistaken. I mean, I thought I was getting over him…somehow. But seriously, who the hell was I kidding?

Here I was, holding unto him with all my might, terrified of what could be wrong with him, wishing that things had went differently, that we hadn’t argued. But it was a tad too late for regrets.

He had hit his head and I don’t know what I would do if he didn’t remember me or Aaron, or some other messed up thing had happened. I just couldn’t stand the thought of him being seriously injured.

God, I’d take it all back, I’d stop being my stubborn self, I’d be the first one to back down and admit I was wrong. I’d tell him I was so terribly jealous of that bimbo slut, that I couldn’t even stand the thought of her filthy hands on him, that I just wanted him all to myself, to wake up near him like I used to, to fall asleep in his arms. But he never miraculously woke up.

The sound of heels clicking on the concrete floor at a fast pace made me raise my head from James’s chest and look up with bloodshot and heavy eyes.

“What did you do to him?!” Kikki screeched in her high pitched voice. The sound of it made me cringe.

“Don’t you dare pointing the blame on me, it was a truck!” I growled, watching her with rage in my eyes. My voice lowered down to a whisper as I looked down at him, my eyes softening as my fingers traced his face “he was only trying to save our baby…”

“Take your hands off my boyfriend!” She once again screeched, getting ready to start pulling him to her.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE MOVING HIM!” I boomed, losing all my self control, breathing hard in anger “I swear if you fucking move him one inch I’ll kill you.”

She watched me with wide eyes, completely shocked making me want to slap that Barbie face of hers.

“You’re crazy!”

“No you fucking dumb cunt he hit his head, it’s fucking common sense not to move him” I spat venomously.

I felt awful for making my child presence this but I was so sick of her shit, so sick of that annoyingly-sweet high pitched voice, that discolored hair so light and fake it hurt the eyes, so fucking sick and tired of constantly finding myself unable to sleep because the warm comforting arms that always used to lull me to sleep were busy elsewhere with her.

This was where that stupid competition James and I had started had lead to by wanting at all costs to be the right one.

She kept her mouth shut until the ambulance finally arrived, two paramedics quickly rushing in our direction.

“What happened?” the male asked being the first to reach me.

“A-A truck hit him” I stuttered out, biting my lip in panic now that my anger had cooled down.

I tried in vain to get up with Aaron in my arms but found it impossible due to the death grip he had on his father’s arm, refusing to let go of him.

“Baby please they have to check on daddy” I tried soothing him, but he wouldn’t budge, starting to cry his eyes out when I had to pull him away. Just the sight of it was heart breaking but I had to be strong for him.

I felt completely lost as they stood around James, mere words reaching my ears.

“…Head injury”

“…GCS 3 = E1 V1 M1”

“What’s that? What’s wrong with him?” I asked near tears, no longer able to hide my worry. I needed to know what was going on.

“That’s his conscious state,” the lady spoke to me for the first time.

“Is 3 bad?” I asked with teary fearful eyes, my heart racing.

“It means he’s unresponsive to stimulus.”

“What does that mean? What’s wrong with him?”

She turned to me with a sigh, a frustrated look on her face. I couldn’t blame her.

“Miss we will only know anything for sure once we arrive at the hospital.”

I bit my lip apologizing.

“Who is coming in the ambulance with us?”

Both Kikki and I quickly exclaimed a “I am”, glaring at each other hatefully.

“I’m his girlfriend” she half screeched.

“And I’m his son’s mother who, in case you forgot, was involved in the accident too” I growled back, holding Aaron protectively.

They nodded telling me they had to check on him too and I climbed in the ambulance after them, not looking back at Kikki even if to send her a triumphant glare. She wasn’t worth it.