There's Only One Way Down This Road

”Jasmine, let’s go! We have a long flight ahead of us and we still have to drive to the damn airport!” Becca demanded from the bottom of the stairs. Of course, the girl had everything packed weeks ago and just needed a little coffee to get her going. I don’t know how she is so anxious and awake when her and Jack stayed on the phone until three this morning.

Normally, this situation would be flipped completely.

I would be the one rushing the usually tired girl out the door even though I had been talking to my boyfriend for hours on end the night before.

Sometimes we would both be wired after talking to the two boys or completely shut down.

But it’s never been to the point where Bex has had to rush me out of the house.

Things have been a little off since Alex left this time. I don’t exactly know why, but they have been.

All of a sudden, I’m falling back into old habits and that terrifies me. I can barely sleep anymore, I barley eat, and I’ve had about a couple dozen anxiety attacks; each one worse than the last.

I’m going right back to how I was junior year, a place I don’t really want to go. I don’t even know what happened.

Sure, when Alex left I was a bit shaken. But not shaken enough to go back to junior year.

Each day is a new challenge, and each challenge I don’t succeed in piles onto the next day. Each day, it’s getting harder and harder to keep going.

I don’t even have it in me to tell anyone what’s been happening. I’m sure Becca has noticed something is up, and I know for a fact Alex has, but I just can’t say anything.

Spencer noticed, too. He even confronted me about it. He wouldn’t drop the subject until I fell to the ground in front of him, sobbing my eyes out and shaking all over. Since then, Spencer’s kept a pretty close watch on me.

Hell, Cameron noticed. The day he asked me about it was probably the worst day of my entire life. He texted me, asking to meet up for coffee because he missed me and such, so of course I agreed. Once I had arrived at the low key coffee shop on the east side of town, Cameron immediately sat me down and asked me how I was. When I gave the usual, ‘I’m fine,’ he demanded for me to tell the fucking truth because he knows me a hell of a lot better than I think. He could tell I was upset and something had been getting to me. I ended up breaking down, crying, and apologizing for being a bitch and lying. Then, we went out to sit in his truck and cried to each other about everything for three whole hours.

So yeah, Cammy and I are back on good terms. We’ve actually been hanging out a lot recently.

And by hang out, I really mean we smoke pot together and vent about our fucked up lives. But sometimes we actually do hang out. We’ve gone to dinners a few times, some lunches, and sometimes breakfast.

We’re practically dating without the kisses or feelings. I should feel guilty, but I don’t. I’m not cheating on Alex.

And as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ve done a little crystal meth as well.

You would be surprised what it does for nerves and thoughts. It’s almost as if nothing matters anymore and I don’t have any cares in the world. It’s amazing.

Take a line; I don’t have to think about anything.
Take two, all hunger absolutely diminishes.
Take three; I can stay up for days.
Take four? Well, that’s like walking in paradise. It’s an unexplainable feeling, to be honest.

So overall, I’m turning into a huge disappointment for Alex. But that’s only if he finds out, and I have no intent for him to.

The slamming of a door broke me out of my thoughts, rudely in fact. My door was yanked open, and I was being pulled by the arm out of the car before I could register what was happening.

“God damnit, I don’t know what’s been wrong with you lately but you need to stop, Jasmine. You’re fucking scaring me and I don’t want Alex seeing you in this state. Just cut out whatever you’re doing. I can’t even hold a simple conversation with you anymore because you’re so fucking out of it all the time. I know you’re high! Please tell me you weren’t stupid enough to think that I wouldn’t notice that my best friend is so stoned all the fucking time. If you go into California high and fuck things up with the only guy who’s ever given a damn about you, you can consider our friendship over.” Becca yelled at me, not allowing me to move from my position against the side of the car. She angrily threw our bags on a cart and pulled me away, not even giving me much time to think about anything.

The furious girl stopped beside the outer baggage drop off, allowing me a few minutes to check my phone.

I was informed I had six new messages, which wasn’t odd lately. Most of them were probably from Cam anyways.

After clicking on the ‘view messages’ button, my suspicions were confirmed. Out of the six, four were from Cameron, one from Alex, and one from Kylie.

The last name wasn’t exactly foreign anymore, either. She’s been getting on my case about ‘stealing her boyfriend’ and she’s been telling me to ‘back off.’ Hahaha, like that’s gonna happen.

I went to my conversation with Cam, smiling widely at the four new messages.
From Cammykins. <3
good morning, beautiful i hope your flight goes well today, and know that i miss you tons <3 im counting down the days until you come home

dont forget to hide the stuff i sent with you (;

unless youre gonna tell alex everything…. but we both know you wont

hurry up and get home so we can get stoned and go to dinner love you baby

The smile was stuck to my face as I responded, and got even wider at his reply.

To Cammykins <3
tell alex? are you ridiculous? this all stays between me you and that bowl (; miss you already, boobear. bex bitched me out a few minutes ago for getting stoned all the time, so she knows. ill make sure to text you as soon as the flights over. oh, and tell kylie to back the fuck up i don’t want to kick her ass. love you more cutie

From Cammykins <3
im getting you a bowl of your own for a late christmas present maybe even a nice bong or a sack of apples (; i know how much you like apple bongs. but fuck becca you can do whatever the hell you want to. its not like shes mother mary either. miss you, babe text me asap love you

Yeah, so I’m going to hell. It’s not like Alex is ever gonna see our conversations or my mini stash anyways, so it doesn’t matter.

The text from Alex was the usual ‘love and miss you, cant wait to see you’ text. It’s all it’s been lately. Maybe things between us are finally calming down. Maybe we’re getting past the puppy love stage of our relationship.

Before the flight, I snuck off to the bathroom for a bit of a refresher. Becca knew what was up, however, when I walked out of the bathroom wiping my nose off.

Cameron’s right, though. She can’t control what I choose to do with my life.

The flight literally seems like such a blur. Becca ignored me the entire time and I was left to read over cute texts from Cameron and listen to my iPod on full blast.

Maybe I am developing feelings for Cameron. I mean, they were always there. He’s been there for me since middle school when no one else was. He was an option to date before he started dating Kylie, but now they broke up. When I’m around him, I get butterflies and giggly.

Shit.
I like Cameron Hughes.
Fuck.

Before I knew it, I was heading off to the bathroom after the flight for another quick fix and to send a text to Cam. The fix was mainly to help me ignore these thoughts about Cameron, but also to gain that feeling of flying back.

On this trip, Cam sent me off with a few ounces of green and a few eight balls of crank.

God, I sound like such a stoner lately.

Once again, I was walking out of the bathroom to meet up with Becca, but I was greeted with a few more familiar faces, too. My boyfriend’s face wasn’t among the others, however, which was a huge disappointment.

A pair of arms snaked around my waist, forcing me to turn around in them.

Alex stood in front of me with a smile on his face, a smile I actually really missed. I immediately wrapped my arms around the singer’s neck and smashed our lips together in a meth-fused kiss.

We only pulled away when Jack suggested we get back to Zack’s heaven house because all of the other guys were excited to see us.

----

“Oh God, Jasmine. I missed you so fucking much. Never let me leave you for that long again, okay?” Alex said, pulling me even closer to him as we laid in his bed that night.

All I could do was nod, finally feeling guilty for all that I had done while he was gone. Tears began falling down my face, and I could do nothing to stop them without Alex noticing. I just let them fall, begging in my head for Alex to be oblivious.

Of course, my bad karma is coming around because he noticed alright.

“Woah, baby. Why are you crying? Please don’t, you know I hate seeing you cry.” Alex pleaded with me, moving both of his hands to wipe away the tears streaming.

“I don’t deserve you Alex, I really don’t. I’m just holding you back by staying with you.” I muttered, barely able to speak through my sobs.