There's Only One Way Down This Road

Jasmine
“Zack, Rian, Jasmine, anyone! CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE PLEASE!”

As soon as I heard the words leave Jack’s mouth, I was dialing 911 and making my way to the room where he was located.

”911, What’s your emergency?”

I almost couldn’t answer as I saw what had happened. Alex was lying on the bed with Jack holding him. The older boy had his eyes closed and a slight smile on his face while the younger had tears quickly streaming down his face. Zack and Rian were in the room as well, rubbing Jack’s back as he held Alex. Both men were crying as well.

”Excuse me? Are you still there?”

“Um, yeah. I think my best friend tried to kill himself. He’s still breathing, but barely. Please please send someone.” I couldn’t stop the tears that began rolling down my cheeks as I explained the scene to the operator. She was forced to ask the basic questions to help the ambulance get to us several times before Rian took the phone and began talking to her.

I stood at the door, not wanting to walk any further. With all that has happened in these last few days, I didn’t feel welcome in the room.

Becca and Matt Flyzik entered the room as Rian was finishing up the phone call and immediately began asking about the lead singer.

“Is he okay? What happened? Did that bitch do something!?”

“Becca, stop. Jasmine didn’t do anything to Alex, and yes, he is fine. Or he will be.” Jack said icily, staring his girlfriend right in the eyes with the most stoic expression that has ever been seen on him.

“How do you know she didn’t do anything? She could have spiked his drink with all those drugs she has!” The girl fired back.

“I KNOW BECAUSE HE WAS FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THIS TO ME EARLIER, OKAY!? He was talking about killing himself, and I didn’t do a damn thing about it. I almost lost him.” The lead guitarist began sobbing, never letting Alex go. Rian and Zack held him as he cried, still crying themselves.

The tears began falling down my face even quicker than before, leaving me feeling like shit. This is all my fault. If I had been faithful to him, he wouldn’t have tried to kill himself.
If I wasn’t doing drugs, he wouldn’t have tried to kill himself.
If I wasn’t such a fuck up, he wouldn’t have tried to kill himself.

“I don’t care. I want her out of here. She’s just causing problems.” Becca said, still staring right at Jack.

“Becca, I don’t really think Jasmine needs to leave because of this. In fact, we’re going to need her more than ever. She’s one of our best friends. Despite the fact that her and Alex broke up, she always will be. Alex will be fine, I’m sure of it. He’s strong and he’ll pull through. This was Alex’s decision, anyways. We can’t get mad at Jasmine for it.” Rian said, standing up for me.

I couldn’t possibly stand it anymore, everyone talking about me like I wasn’t even in the room. I ran out of the room, still crying furiously.

I can’t believe my Alex tried to hurt himself. He is so much better than all of that stuff. God, I can’t believe I completely ignored him when he came to talk to me.

It was almost as if reality came back and slapped me in the face. All of a sudden, this huge pressure was pushing on my chest and was making it difficult for me to breathe. Now, the tears wouldn’t stop and I was gasping for breath.

I lost the only person who I ever truly loved and loved me for myself. God, I replaced him with Cameron. The same Cameron who was destined to be with Kylie but got lost in high school and ended up sucking me down with him. I messed everything up with Alex for drugs?

Daddy would be so fucking ashamed of me right now. Hell, I’m ashamed of me right now.
I screwed everything up with my other half for my best friend.

If I could take back the last two months, I would in a heartbeat.
I wish I could just go back to when Alex was first leaving for tour, when everything was still perfect.

But I can’t. I can’t go back now. Becca hates me, Jack probably doesn’t want me living with him, I lost my boyfriend and some of my best friends, and now I’m stuck with someone in almost the exact same position as me.

God, I’m fucked.

--

I must have passed out because next thing I knew, I was waking up in a hospital bed in the same room as Alex. I guess the guys just wanted to keep an eye on both of us.

Before I got the chance to let anyone know I was awake, the boys surrounding Alex began talking. Deciding to be the nosy bitch that I am, I closed my eyes and listened in.

“I don’t even know what happened with her. One minute, she was in the room crying and the next she was gone and there was a crash down the hall. When I ran out to check, she was on the floor and gasping for air. After the ambulance arrived and decided to hook her up to a machine before she died as well, she was out of it. Completely unconscious.” There’s Rian.

“The doctors said she had an anxiety attack. They said with her medical history and the fact that she hasn’t taken medication in a few weeks, it was bound to happen soon. With the right amount of pressure and stress, she would be exactly how she is now.” There’s Zack.

“They found traces of Meth, Cocaine, and Weed in her system. They said as long as she gets help and stops doing what she’s doing, she won’t be charged for possession or anything because we know she has stuff with her. She could go to jail for a long time with all she has.” And there’s Jack.

My mind began racing when Jack finished speaking. Jail? Hell no. I can’t let that happen, not when I have to go to NYU in a few months. I could get my scholarships taken away! I could get kicked out before I’m even in! I can’t do that. I’ll go to rehab, anything. I just need to go to NYU.

Unexpectedly, another voice entered the conversation the three boys were having between themselves. Despite all that has happened, the voice still gave me butterflies in my stomach and chills down my spine.

“How did I let this happen to her? I was supposed to be there for her, always. I’m an awful boyfriend. Or ex, now.” Alex said, his voice raspy and hoarse. It broke my heart to hear the sobs coming from the other side of the room, and made tears roll down my face as well.

“Alex, it’s not you. You were there for her, but the state she was in prevented her from getting to you. Jasmine is still in love with you, despite all she says. You’re still her best friend.” Rian soothed the lead singer. I guess he must have caught onto that when I was on the phone with the operator.

“I’m really sorry for having to cancel the show guys. I’m sorry we have to cancel the rest of tour, too. I just don’t think I’m gonna be that far away from her again. Even if she goes to some of those rehab places you guys were talking about earlier, I won’t be across the country. Even if she doesn’t want me there, I will be there.”

The door opened and shut again, and a new voice entered the conversation.

“Sorry it took me so long to get here, boys. I didn’t the flight would be that long! There was a delay on it as well, too much snow or something. What’s wrong with my baby?” The thick French accent was one I dreaded hearing, especially in a situation like this when I’ve messed up.

The boys explained the story to my mother, but added in some parts that I hadn’t heard yet.

“The doctors found cuts in an organized fashion on her hips and by her elbow joints. They’re afraid she began harming herself again. They also noticed how incredibly thin she is, and how she’s lost weight since her last time going to a doctor or hospital.” Rian explained to her, and to me.

I haven’t even really noticed that my weight dropped. I mean, my clothes were a little bit baggier, but I never put the two together. I just figured it had to do with how I was washing them. I feel awful that they found the cuts, though. No one was supposed to know about those, not even Cameron.

How embarrassing.

“The doctors suggested rehab, but she would need to miss the rest of the semester at school, which I don’t think she’ll agree to. So they recommended a place that she could go and stay at, but still be able to go to school at Towson.”

The door opened again and interrupted the boys and my mother. Since it was the doctor, I decided now would be a good time to ‘wake up.’

I slowly opened my eyes and brought my hand up to rub at them, only to find it was attached to an IV. I couldn’t help but groan and force myself into a sitting position.

“SHE’S UP!” Jack exclaimed, quickly leaving Alex to come sit by me on my bed.

“Hi Jack Jack.” I meekly waved at the boy who used to know me so well. “What’s up?”

I immediately regretted asking the question when a look of utter shock and betrayal flashed across Jack’s face. The boy shot up from his position next to me on the bed and stood right beside the rest of the band, excluding Alex, and my mother.

“What’s up? You’re really asking me what’s fucking up? Oh I don’t know, two of my best friends are currently in hospital beds right now because one tried to kill himself and the other stopped taking her medicine and walked straight into an anxiety attack where she almost fucking died! I can’t forget to mention how I just found out that she started starving and harming herself and has to go into some fucking rehabilitation shit. NO BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING, JASMINE! God, do you even realize how many people have been affected by the shit you’ve done recently? I almost lost both of my best friends, I don’t even know you anymore. I fucking miss my best friend and I want her back.” Jack yelled, using wild hand movements to get his point across.

Never before have I seen Jack so affected by anything, especially a few words. I really must have hurt him.

God, I’m such a fuck up.

Jack shook his head and left the room. Much to my surprise, though, the rest of the band and my mother left as well.

It was down to just Alex and me.

For what seemed like an hour, we sat in silence. It was almost as if neither of us were moving. No sounds were made in that room aside from the beeping of our machines, signaling that we are both still alive.

The silence wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t exactly relaxed. Honestly, it felt like Alex was thinking of what to say much like I was.

It may not sound hard, but choosing what to say in a situation like this was hard. You have the boy and girl who used to date, but stopped because the girl became a druggie. Then, since the girl was such a bitch, the boy tried to kill himself which lead the girl realizing all she had done and having a panic attack.

Deciding to try some words out, I opened my mouth and said the words;

“I’m sorry.”

Unfortunately, Alex decided to as well.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh no, go ahead.” I said, turning towards Alex as much as I could. It was hard to talk when you’re in two separate beds and don’t really have the ability to move much.

“Okay, I guess. I’m sorry, Jasmine. I’m so fucking sorry. I know, I wasn’t able to be at home with you all the time because of the band and touring, and I wasn’t able to watch out for you like I should have. I will never be able to forgive myself for letting you fall into this hole. I was supposed to protect you and care for you always, but I couldn’t. I didn’t even try.”

“Alex, stop it. This isn’t your fault. None of it is. It’s mine, and I will take full responsibility for it always. I was the one who went off my meds and started fucking up. I knew I had to stay on them, but I didn’t think I needed to since I was with you. But then things started falling apart, and I couldn’t just start taking them again. I had gone so long without them that I started hating myself and I didn’t want to go back under the fog that the pills put me under. So I just forgot them and kept spiraling downward. Then me and Cam started talking again, and I asked him to help me forget everything and I didn’t turn down the offer to smoke, cause I had done it with you before and with the old group so I didn’t think anything of it. But then it wasn’t doing much for me anymore and I wanted more, so I bought even more stuff from him and I got into all of that, and I just messed everything up even more. I lost sight of everything in my life that was important, especially my love for you. I missed you and just wanted to forget how much, so I kept getting high and fucking up. God, I regret it so much now. The last thing I ever wanted to do was lose you, but I did.”

I couldn’t help the tears that began making their way down my cheeks, and it seemed like Alex couldn’t either. He got out of his bed slowly and came to sit beside me on mine,

“So you regret all of it?” He asked, looking down at the bed where both of our hands were resting.

“Alex, if I could take it all back in one second, I would. I’m still in love with you. I probably always will be.”

Alex reached over to pick up my hands and held them tightly in his grasp. Slowly, he brought them up to his lips and kissed the back of them. When he lowered our hands, I removed one of mine from his grasp and used it to turn his head towards mine. Alex was smiling slightly as we both filled the distance and he captured my lips in a mind blowing kiss.

How did I let this man go?