Status: 2/2
Do You Want Me Dead?
You Make Me Feel So Alive
Walking into the back of the venue. Walking past all the curious faces. All the questioning glances. I knew the band had not gone on yet, so their dressing room would be full. The other band. The Summer Set. They’d still be on stage. Reaching for a piece of paper laying on the ground I wrote as satisfactory and legible as I could ‘I’m sleeping. I’m sorry for taking over your dressing room. Bad night. Wake me up, I need to talk to Jess. -Alexis.’ Hoping they would see the note before they all come into the room yelling and talking about their set. Before they would find the alcohol. Before they’d go their separate ways. Looking around the room I see my pleasure of the night.
The couch I’ll grace for the next hour, or until Jess and the band get’s in. Deciding to look around really fast, I found a blanket and a pillow, both Stephens. Not only did I find his stash of beddings. I found the bands hiding spot. The spot they hid their alcohol. How they always have it when they get on the bus. How they always have some no matter what. Hidden in the blanket, the one spot nobody with a brain would look. Walking back outside I added to the note ‘Thanks Stephen for the help. Ke$ha would be proud.’ When I finally laid down, I was out faster then anything or anyone would have wanted.
Waking up was not how I had pictured it. The chanting from the crowd. Laughing. Opening my eyes I was met with a very unpleasant sight. She was here. She was staring at me. She was waiting for me. She turned her back to me. The door of the room was opened. They walked in. They shot a look at me. I met Jess’ eyes, Hoping she would throw her out for me. “Holly, What’re you doing in here?”
They were still shooting glances at me. Acting like I was expected to speak up. I couldn’t though. I felt as if everyone was waiting for me to break off. I didn’t understand why they were acting as if I was a porcelain doll. I could see her watching me. “I was waiting on the bitc- I mean, Alexis to wake.” She knows. She knew that I was the one. I don’t understand why she hates me. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean for this to happen. He was to blame too. Not all me.
“The band just went on stage, why don’t you go watch them and I’ll wake sleeping beauty up.” I could hear the forcefulness in his voice. John never really raised his voice. He looked as if he was mad. Mad like I had never seen before. When she walked out, she glanced at me. We met eyes. She looked as if she wanted to stop. She wanted to yell at me. You could tell from the way she glared. The way she held her head up. The way she walked away. The way she stopped in her tracks. When she finally left everybody in the room turned to me. They all had the same look on their face. The look of confusion.
“How was the show?” The only thing I could think of to ask. I never was good at starting off. I never understood why I had to be the one to talk first. Their eyes told me they were worried about me, more then they should be. They looked as if they were waiting for the right time.
“The best show so far!” It was forced. Like he didn’t want to talk about the show. They kept talking about the show. Girls throwing their bras on stage. I never understood why they would. My brain was trying to process what they were saying. All I could focus on was what happened the night before. Flash backs were hitting me. The start off the night was all I could remember right now. How Pete had all but dragged me out last night. How I was all over John after my first drink. How we were partying for my 20th birthday. How I don’t remember my first time, or even my marriage ceremony.
I remember walking into the club and everybody, I came with, feeding me different drinks. Then it hit me. Jack walking over. John and I completely wasted out of our minds. Jack offering to take me to the hotel. Leaving the club with Jack. Going to another club instead of the hotel. Jack and I drinking more. Us leaving that club. Walking along the boulevard. Seeing a church that does Halloween weddings. Us walking in. The reverend telling us we were the first couple of the night. Them finding me a dress. Walking out of the back room. Seeing jack dressed in a tux. Saying yes. It all hit me within a few simple minutes. Then everything went blank. Looking around the room, I could see everyone staring at me again. I could feel everything coming back to life.
“I’m sorry, what were we talking about?” I knew they were trying to help me. They were trying to help me. They started talking again. About something very different now. They were talking about me now. They were talking about how I wasn’t myself. I knew they were telling the truth. I knew I wasn’t myself. How could I be? I’m married. I’m married to a man who I don’t even know. I got married on my 20th birthday.
“What am I going to do? We’re getting a divorce. I have to either live with him or he has to live with me for six months. I have to be with him all that I can. I have to go on tour with him. What am I going to do, you guys?” The looks. The looks they were giving me. They didn’t know. They didn’t know I had to stay with him. They didn’t know I had to live with him. They don’t know how I was going to do it. No one did. No one will ever know how I am going to do it.
“You need to talk with him Alexis. They have a tour right after this one.” I knew that. I know they have a tour right after this one. I know they have to go over seas after this. They announced All Time Low were almost done with their set. That means Jack would be back in a few. That means we have to talk now. I didn’t know what I was going to tell him.
Do I demand we find a house for the year we have to stay married or do we rent a house for the few months we'll be together and then he can move back into his apartment and I find somewhere else to live. Or do I do what anyone else would. Standing up I tell everyone I was going to watch the rest of his set. Watch it from the opposite side of the venue then her. Watch it with Pete. Hopefully find answers without much thought.
I got the stage and it was Alex, alone. Remembering Sunday. He hand’t started yet. He’s simply talking about how he needs to find a women. Walking up to the stage, I find Zack. The one member of All Time Low that I had not talked to but once. The one member who intimidated me more then anyone or anything could. I stand next to him. He still has not noticed me yet. He’s watching across the stage. Jack and Holly. Looking out on the crowd I catch some fans taking pictures of Jack & Holly, Or Jolly as they liked to call them.
I watch as Alex works the room. Every joke he tells, every note he sings. Then she goes out there. Cassadee and I were not friends like you would expect. No, we hate each other. She hated me for the reason unknown to the world. Minus her and I of corse, we knew. We both knew. Pete was the start of our war, as I like to call it. She wanted Pete’s attention and I had it. Granted I had just started as his personal assistant. Pete stopped calling Cassadee for help on everything. He started coming to me instead.
Gabe was what made the war spread. Gabe came into the picture. She wanted him. She wanted Gabe because I had him. She tried on more then one occasion to get him. She tried to get him to cheat on me. She started messing with Rian when I broke it off with Gabe. Not only was she messing with Rian, she started messing with Gabe. Gabe wasn’t one to turn down a good time. I couldn’t blame him. We were broken up. She was cheating on Rian with my ex-boyfriend. I knew, I knew when it first started. Who would believe me? It wasn’t a hidden fact that we hated each other. Everyone knew.
When she hit the note that she shouldn’t have hit, I winched. I saw Zack out of the corner of my eye. He was watching me watch them. Holding up two of my fingers, and pointing out at Cassadee with my other hand “Two words, singing lessons.” One simple phrase. When I turned my head, he was studying me. He didn’t seem amused. He seemed mad.
“That was mean.” I felt like that one thing I could say. He seemed like he was questioning my motives. Like he knew I knew something I shouldn’t have. I don’t understand why he was looking at me with the look of disappointment.
“Why do you hate her?” That simple question threw me off. No one had ever asked me that. I had no answer that wouldn’t hurt someone. I couldn’t explain it with a sentence. I probably couldn’t explain it in a single word. I couldn’t explain it to him without hurting everyone in the process.
“It’s a long story. If I tell you it’ll hurt some people” That’s all I said. He didn’t like it, but Alex and Cassadee finished their song. It was time for them to go on. Staring across the stage I saw him lean in for a kiss. He stopped mid lean. And left it at that. He ran on stage pretending nothing happened. Pretending he didn’t miss her. My thoughts came to a halt because of the deafening screams from all their fans. It wasn’t suppose to be like this. I wasn’t suppose be married. “You know, if you stare too long, they might think you’re jealous” I could tell by the way Pete said it, he knew I was. He wanted me with Gabe. That wasn’t a hidden fact, everyone even the fans knew Pete shipped Gabe and I.
“I have nothing to be jealous of, I have everything anyone could ever want” Pete knew the truth, he knew everything that was wrong with me, he knew everything about my past. Sometimes, I felt like he knew me better then I knew myself. “You don’t have everything” and that simple phrase sent me off edge.
The couch I’ll grace for the next hour, or until Jess and the band get’s in. Deciding to look around really fast, I found a blanket and a pillow, both Stephens. Not only did I find his stash of beddings. I found the bands hiding spot. The spot they hid their alcohol. How they always have it when they get on the bus. How they always have some no matter what. Hidden in the blanket, the one spot nobody with a brain would look. Walking back outside I added to the note ‘Thanks Stephen for the help. Ke$ha would be proud.’ When I finally laid down, I was out faster then anything or anyone would have wanted.
Waking up was not how I had pictured it. The chanting from the crowd. Laughing. Opening my eyes I was met with a very unpleasant sight. She was here. She was staring at me. She was waiting for me. She turned her back to me. The door of the room was opened. They walked in. They shot a look at me. I met Jess’ eyes, Hoping she would throw her out for me. “Holly, What’re you doing in here?”
They were still shooting glances at me. Acting like I was expected to speak up. I couldn’t though. I felt as if everyone was waiting for me to break off. I didn’t understand why they were acting as if I was a porcelain doll. I could see her watching me. “I was waiting on the bitc- I mean, Alexis to wake.” She knows. She knew that I was the one. I don’t understand why she hates me. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean for this to happen. He was to blame too. Not all me.
“The band just went on stage, why don’t you go watch them and I’ll wake sleeping beauty up.” I could hear the forcefulness in his voice. John never really raised his voice. He looked as if he was mad. Mad like I had never seen before. When she walked out, she glanced at me. We met eyes. She looked as if she wanted to stop. She wanted to yell at me. You could tell from the way she glared. The way she held her head up. The way she walked away. The way she stopped in her tracks. When she finally left everybody in the room turned to me. They all had the same look on their face. The look of confusion.
“How was the show?” The only thing I could think of to ask. I never was good at starting off. I never understood why I had to be the one to talk first. Their eyes told me they were worried about me, more then they should be. They looked as if they were waiting for the right time.
“The best show so far!” It was forced. Like he didn’t want to talk about the show. They kept talking about the show. Girls throwing their bras on stage. I never understood why they would. My brain was trying to process what they were saying. All I could focus on was what happened the night before. Flash backs were hitting me. The start off the night was all I could remember right now. How Pete had all but dragged me out last night. How I was all over John after my first drink. How we were partying for my 20th birthday. How I don’t remember my first time, or even my marriage ceremony.
I remember walking into the club and everybody, I came with, feeding me different drinks. Then it hit me. Jack walking over. John and I completely wasted out of our minds. Jack offering to take me to the hotel. Leaving the club with Jack. Going to another club instead of the hotel. Jack and I drinking more. Us leaving that club. Walking along the boulevard. Seeing a church that does Halloween weddings. Us walking in. The reverend telling us we were the first couple of the night. Them finding me a dress. Walking out of the back room. Seeing jack dressed in a tux. Saying yes. It all hit me within a few simple minutes. Then everything went blank. Looking around the room, I could see everyone staring at me again. I could feel everything coming back to life.
“I’m sorry, what were we talking about?” I knew they were trying to help me. They were trying to help me. They started talking again. About something very different now. They were talking about me now. They were talking about how I wasn’t myself. I knew they were telling the truth. I knew I wasn’t myself. How could I be? I’m married. I’m married to a man who I don’t even know. I got married on my 20th birthday.
“What am I going to do? We’re getting a divorce. I have to either live with him or he has to live with me for six months. I have to be with him all that I can. I have to go on tour with him. What am I going to do, you guys?” The looks. The looks they were giving me. They didn’t know. They didn’t know I had to stay with him. They didn’t know I had to live with him. They don’t know how I was going to do it. No one did. No one will ever know how I am going to do it.
“You need to talk with him Alexis. They have a tour right after this one.” I knew that. I know they have a tour right after this one. I know they have to go over seas after this. They announced All Time Low were almost done with their set. That means Jack would be back in a few. That means we have to talk now. I didn’t know what I was going to tell him.
Do I demand we find a house for the year we have to stay married or do we rent a house for the few months we'll be together and then he can move back into his apartment and I find somewhere else to live. Or do I do what anyone else would. Standing up I tell everyone I was going to watch the rest of his set. Watch it from the opposite side of the venue then her. Watch it with Pete. Hopefully find answers without much thought.
I got the stage and it was Alex, alone. Remembering Sunday. He hand’t started yet. He’s simply talking about how he needs to find a women. Walking up to the stage, I find Zack. The one member of All Time Low that I had not talked to but once. The one member who intimidated me more then anyone or anything could. I stand next to him. He still has not noticed me yet. He’s watching across the stage. Jack and Holly. Looking out on the crowd I catch some fans taking pictures of Jack & Holly, Or Jolly as they liked to call them.
I watch as Alex works the room. Every joke he tells, every note he sings. Then she goes out there. Cassadee and I were not friends like you would expect. No, we hate each other. She hated me for the reason unknown to the world. Minus her and I of corse, we knew. We both knew. Pete was the start of our war, as I like to call it. She wanted Pete’s attention and I had it. Granted I had just started as his personal assistant. Pete stopped calling Cassadee for help on everything. He started coming to me instead.
Gabe was what made the war spread. Gabe came into the picture. She wanted him. She wanted Gabe because I had him. She tried on more then one occasion to get him. She tried to get him to cheat on me. She started messing with Rian when I broke it off with Gabe. Not only was she messing with Rian, she started messing with Gabe. Gabe wasn’t one to turn down a good time. I couldn’t blame him. We were broken up. She was cheating on Rian with my ex-boyfriend. I knew, I knew when it first started. Who would believe me? It wasn’t a hidden fact that we hated each other. Everyone knew.
When she hit the note that she shouldn’t have hit, I winched. I saw Zack out of the corner of my eye. He was watching me watch them. Holding up two of my fingers, and pointing out at Cassadee with my other hand “Two words, singing lessons.” One simple phrase. When I turned my head, he was studying me. He didn’t seem amused. He seemed mad.
“That was mean.” I felt like that one thing I could say. He seemed like he was questioning my motives. Like he knew I knew something I shouldn’t have. I don’t understand why he was looking at me with the look of disappointment.
“Why do you hate her?” That simple question threw me off. No one had ever asked me that. I had no answer that wouldn’t hurt someone. I couldn’t explain it with a sentence. I probably couldn’t explain it in a single word. I couldn’t explain it to him without hurting everyone in the process.
“It’s a long story. If I tell you it’ll hurt some people” That’s all I said. He didn’t like it, but Alex and Cassadee finished their song. It was time for them to go on. Staring across the stage I saw him lean in for a kiss. He stopped mid lean. And left it at that. He ran on stage pretending nothing happened. Pretending he didn’t miss her. My thoughts came to a halt because of the deafening screams from all their fans. It wasn’t suppose to be like this. I wasn’t suppose be married. “You know, if you stare too long, they might think you’re jealous” I could tell by the way Pete said it, he knew I was. He wanted me with Gabe. That wasn’t a hidden fact, everyone even the fans knew Pete shipped Gabe and I.
“I have nothing to be jealous of, I have everything anyone could ever want” Pete knew the truth, he knew everything that was wrong with me, he knew everything about my past. Sometimes, I felt like he knew me better then I knew myself. “You don’t have everything” and that simple phrase sent me off edge.